Evolutionary Musings

As some of you have noticed, I'm currently in the process of transferring a lot of old material over to blogger (all apologies to those being inundated with update notifications for old crap). In doing so, I've obviously been reading a lot of my old writings and, I must admit, I'm a bit embarrassed by a lot of them. There's quite a few over-the-top rants that I didn't even truly believe back when they were written, and more than a few melodramatic entries that, in hindsight, betray false emotions.

At any rate, they're interesting for me to read, and they push home the indisputable fact that people change over time and, in many cases, change relatively quickly. Still, the voice behind those written words is definitely my own. I guess the old adage is true: be careful what you say, and be more careful what you write, for those words will undoubtedly come back to haunt you. Or make you laugh... either out loud or a bit nervously, as is the case with me.

Random Musings

Rhode Island is currently considering changing its official name from "State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations" to just "State of Rhode Island." Why? Apparently because the "Plantations" part sparks images of slavery. Seriously, people, get over it. Plantations are not defined by slavery... you can blame pop culture for that one. Adding to the irony is the overwhelming reaction to Michael Jackson's death, who is partially remembered as a pedophile (proven or not), but whose supporters posture that he should be remembered for his contribution to music over anything else he may or may not have done. So why can't this logic be applied to the name of Rhode Island? Oh, wait... whiny people.

Speaking of Michael Jackson... yeah, it was sudden, but is anybody really that surprised? Heath Ledger was a surprise. David Carradine was a surprise. Michael Jackson, to paraphrase Craig Ferguson, merely warrants an, "Oh, really?"

All that stated, his "King of Pop" moniker was rightfully earned.

Does Iran really want to pick a fight? Or is this just wild posturing? Of course, should North Korea get froggy at the same time, things could get really ugly really fast. I don't really see it happening, but to ignore the possibility is stupidity incarnate.

Farrah Fawcett, your passing was a sad thing, but I still have to point out that Cheryl Ladd taking your place on Charlie's Angels was a boon for that show.

I'm still coming to terms with Trevor Hoffman not wearing a Padres uniform. Be patient with me. My emotional recovery can only be fostered by the Padres winning their division, which doesn't look to be happening any time soon. At least Hoffman's replacement, Heath Bell, seems a bright spot.

The Department of Homeland Security and the Department of Defense are fighting over who gets control of military assets along the border with Mexico. I'm a bit biased, but I don't think that anybody other than the DoD should ever have control of military assets. Of course, if Obama uses this squabble as an excuse to push a "National Police Force," I'll change my tune, because that's an even worse option.

Someone I know thinks that World War II was the United States' fault, at least in the Pacific Theater. Someone I know needs to study more.

General Motors (now banally referred to as "Government Motors" by many) needs to collapse Buick, Pontiac, and GMC into a brand new imprint and market it between Chevrolet and Cadillac, rather than having a fire sale.

Fearless prediction: North Carolina will fail to pass another tax incentive for its film industry.

In Defense of... Obama?

Anybody who knows me knows that I'm no big fan of Barack Obama. I didn't vote last year (due to circumstances sort of beyond my control... long story), but even if I had, I wouldn't have voted for him. Neither would I have voted for McCain (I'm really not a Sarah Palin fan), but that's not the point.

So what is the point? Well, I'll get there in a minute, but let's get some ranting out of the way first.

Obama, for the most part, hasn't done anything that has really pissed me off yet. Sure, he hasn't done anything that has made me jump for joy, but the only thing I'm vehemently against him on is that ridiculous proposal that we should renew diplomatic relations with the Taliban. Bad idea. Iran? Yes. Cuba? Yes. The Taliban? Um... no.

And, yeah, I'm a bit upset about his campaign promises that he will increase the size of the Army and Marine Corps, seeing as how "his" proposed increases were already passed and were scheduled to be completed in 2010 (they're, in fact, almost completed now). Anyway, not a big deal, but I feel this particular issue was handled a bit disengenously.

Anyway, on to the point.

This past week, Obama has come under fire for something he said during an appearance on Jay Leno, as well as his demeanor during an interview on 60 Minutes. You all probably know this by now, but while on Leno, Obama compared his bowling ability to that of bowlers in the Special Olympics. In other words, he sucks. And while on 60 Minutes, Obama seemed to have a lackadaisical, even humorous, attitude towards the current shit state of the US economy.

I happened to have watched both appearances by our President, and you know what? Neither incident was anything to get all uppity over (I was going to write "form a lynch-party over," but given how a certain group of cry-babies likes to play the race card over said statement, despite the fact that almost everybody these days uses it as a mere synonym for "get pissed at," I'll avoid the term).

We've all used the comparison to retards (oops, sorry... "special people") to describe a lack of proficiency or aptitude in something, and it was easy to see that Obama was merely being genuine in implying that he sucked at bowling. Or, at the very least, acknowledging that Leno was implying that he sucked. There was no offense behind his words, and I'm glad he used the term... it helps "de-roboticize" the image he's formed (either purposefully or inadvertently) for himself over the past few months.

And then there was 60 Minutes. You could tell he was a bit nervous, and it's not too far a stretch to assume that he's a person who likes keeping tense atmospheres as light as possible (maybe he is and maybe he isn't, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt). I get that way sometimes, and most people who aren't pious zealots or recluses get that way sometimes. He very well may have been "punch drunk" (kudos for Steve Kroft for calling him out on it, regardless of the incident's purported "controversy"), but who gives a shit? How is laughing at an economic crisis any different than a cop laughing about a mutilated body at a crime scene? It's not, and both are undoubtedly necessary forms of stress relief.

Look, I'm of the opinion that Obama will probably not go down in history as one of our truly great Presidents, but he's (so far) doing just fine. I'll rag on him when he gets some intern fellatio, but not for speaking like an everyday person. And neither should you.

You want something to be hot and bothered about? Try those assholes in Oakland who were reportedly taunting cops as another cop lay dying.

Long Lost Pointless Musings, July 2008

What can I say? It's been a while.

Barack Obama, in a blatant attempt to prove something, is supposedly considering Republicans for Vice President. Will it happen? Likely not; he just wants the "unifying" press. It's all about change, right?

Seriously, both Obama and McCain should select Jeb Bush as a running mate. Imaging the furor that would cause.

Mexico is releasing its first "designed and made in Mexico" car, and I must admit, it looks awesome. It's called the Mastretta MXT and can do 0-60 in under five seconds. Not only that, it's guaranteed to get your farmhands to work on time. Uh oh... I did not just type that. Santa Mierda!

Still, the new Camaro looks like it can kick the Mastretta's ass.

In other news: more irony as two more banks "foreclosed." Suckers. The banking industry is finally realizing that it wasn't them who trapped the American homeowner in a lose-lose situation, it was the other way around.

California is becoming the first state to ban restaurants from using trans-fats. $50 says that someone will eventually discover that trans-fats actually have a biological purpose, and everyone will realize that they just screwed themselves.

The United States Army, in a wonderful PR move, recalled Caleb Campbell of the NFL's Detroit Lions to active service. This was after promising him that he could play in the NFL and serve as a poster boy for recruiting. Again, $50 says some jealous higher ups somewhere purposely fucked that poor guy. Does nobody in the Army realize that the Army's image is suffering at the moment? Rest assured, I will return to this issue in the near future.

Marion Jones applied for a Presidential pardon. Sorry, bitch. You cheated, lied, then lied about cheating. While falling short of treason, you deserve the same treatment Benedict Arnold got. Bitch.

Tori Spelling, already whoring herself out to reality TV in an attempt to brighten her fading star, needs to consider another method to brighten her fading star... like going away.

The Screen Actors Guild is bandying about, unsure of what to do. How about this? GO BACK TO WORK. Fuckers.

Perhaps deceptively trying to convince the American public that the military is truly "up-sizing," the US Navy has reactived the long-dormant Fourth Fleet. However, the truth is that the ships of the Fourth Fleet will theoretically be "on loan" from the other fleets. Go figure.

So Air Force crews are falling asleep at the controls of missile launch sites? Um... does anyone still not agree that this particular organization needs to disappear?

Here's something you probably don't know: the Russians have been to the moon, albeit in the form of a remote-controlled rover. In the 70s. And, yes, decades later we borrowed some of their technology to design our Mars rovers.

Out of Iraq and into Iran? That would be, like, stupidly expensive. Ignoring the politics behind it, why would someone drive from San Diego to Los Angeles by going home to Chicago first?

The San Diego Padres seriously, seriously suck this year. Think letting Bruce Bochy go had anything to do with that? Um... yes.

I just recently watched that "Kirk Cameron can scientifically prove the existence of God" debate. Then I read something Candace Cameron wrote about how "God wants her to serve her husband." I have a question for them: what the fuck is wrong with you?

The Dark Knight was, well, near-perfect. Although Christian Bale's "Batman" voice can really get irritating if he has to put more than five words together at a time. And Maggie Gyllenhaal? Not much of an improvement over the awful Katie Holmes. I'm glad this is no longer an issue.

Honestly, I miss the cold weather.

And, on that note, I'm out.

Iran: the White Elephant that Probably Shouldn’t Be

Disclaimer: this blog is, admittedly, nearly 100% conjecture on my part. Although parts of it are supported by fact, much of it isn't, and my conclusions can just as easily be dead wrong as they could be absolutely right.

Within the past couple of days, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad requested permission to visit Ground Zero in New York City. His request was denied, with given reasons ranging from "security risk" to, most alarmingly, "why?"

Well, despite the probability that Iran does harbor terrorists (something our state department rather judiciously reminds us of), the man likely wanted to pay his respects to a tragedy that even his country felt was an extreme response to so-called American imperialism. After all, a little known fact of Iran is that damn-near the entire country held a prayer vigil for the victims of 9/11.

Now, before I proceed, I am most certainly not claiming that Iran is our friend. However, I am claiming that Iran may not be the "next significant enemy" of the United States. Remember, at several points in the last 100 years, Iran has been an ally. Of course, they have also been an enemy.

Here are some quick historical snippets:

1. In the early 20th Century, Iran's independence was constantly interfered with by the British and Russian Empires. The withdrawal of Russia due to the rise of the Soviets left Britain in a position to try to strong-arm Iran single-handedly. Result: anti-British sentiment.

2. In World War II, supposedly fearful of Iranian support to the Axis, Britain and the Soviet Union invaded Iran. Result: anti-British and anti-Soviet sentiment. Another odd result of this was that Iran's political system would be opened a bit, and political parties and public elections would come into being.

3. 1953, the CIA sponsors a coup. Already in a confusing state of pro-West, anti-West, this doesn't help things much. The Shah, having been ousted a couple of years before, is back in power, albeit this time as a virtual puppet of western governments. Result: anti-US sentiment.

4. 1979, the Ayatollah ousts the Shah and the Islamic Republic of Iran is formed. During the so-called revolution, Americans were taken hostage, causing an official break in diplomatic ties and anti-Iran sentiments in the United States. Result: more anti-US sentiment.

5. In the 1980s, Iraq invaded Iran. For whatever reason (likely the new anti-Iran sentiment), the United States provides support to Iraq. Result: other than the obvious irony, even more anti-US sentiment.

6. The 1990s, in a somewhat unexpected and surprising gesture, Iran begins to promote what it calls an "alternative thought" movement, and advocates official tolerance for diversity in culture and politics. Iran somehow becomes a Middle-East equivalent of the United States in terms of having an open liberal versus conservative government (though quite a bit more violent than ours). Result: US culture starts sneaking into Iran on a grand scale, with mixed results, although it can be argued that the country lessened its anti-US sentiment.

7. 2001, Iran supports the anti-Taliban fight in Afghanistan. Result: the possibility of the US and Iran officially reopening diplomatic ties seems real.

8. 2002, Iran sells weapons to the Palestinians. Result: Bush, Jr., declares Iran part of the ridiculously monikored "Axis of Evil."

And here we are, still confused about what the Hell to do with Iran. Bush, it seems, wants to invade. Why? Well, why not? Others (including Condoleezza Rice), it seems, want to reopen diplomatic ties. Why? Well, why not?

I don't have any answers, I know, nor do I have any real theories. I do know that since the Ayatollah's death, Iran hasn't made any significant statements claiming that the United States is the pop-culture whore of the world, implying that they don't really believe that anymore (or even care). And I do know that much of our relations with countries in the Middle-East are dictated by those Middle-Eastern countries' relations with Israel.

Basically, and this may seem from left field, until the Israel-Arab situation is dealt with once and for all, we're probably going to remain official enemies with Iran. And that's just plain stupid. After all, we're technically friends with both Taiwan and China, right? Not to mention Israel and Lebanon.

There's an answer to this, I swear, and it probably lies in agnostic logic. Good luck finding any of that in world government.

Vote for Clint Eastwood, who probably would like an Iranian ambassador in Washington, D.C.

The "What the F*ck?" Awards, March 2007

The WTF Diplomacy Award
Iran, with all the recent uproar about wanting to open relations with the West, decided to kidnap a bunch of British sailors. I'm pretty sure they meant open "good" relations, but I could be wrong.

The WTF Movie Award
Homosexual writers tend to think that heterosexual males are fans of the movie 300 because, deep down, heterosexual males are all latently homosexual. Never mind the kick-ass carnage, the historically-based story, and the insanely good cinematography...

The WTF Politics Award
Sean Hannity, right-wing radio pundit, called John Edwards a piece of shit for staying in the Presidential race, implying that Edwards is trying to use his wife's cancer as publicity.

The WTF Music Award
Sanjaya, the talentless, identity-less, teeny-bopper icon has somehow managed to not yet be eliminated from Season 6 of American Idol.

The WTF Television Award
The two pointless new Lost characters, Nikki and Paolo, are eliminated from the show after several pointless appearances, a few pointless lines a dialogue, and a pointless episode pertaining to their pointless existence on the pointless island.

The WTF Science Fiction Award
Just go read any of my previous blogs pertaining to Battlestar Galactica... you'll get the idea.

The WTF Military Award
Not having any sort of clue what to do with Iraq, Afghanistan, or our military in general, the House and Senate voted for a timeline to pull out of Iraq. I'd rather have a timeline to get rid of the Army's embarrassing 'black beret,' but whatever.

The WTF Actor Award
Jeremy Piven, star of Entourage, apparently ran out of money and left a DVD set of his show as a tip after a dinner at an exclusive restaurant.

The WTF Humanitarian Award
Iraq suicide bombers posed as people giving away free flour.

The WTF Health Award
Nicorette gives me gas.

300: The Review; The Controversy

Once upon a time, Frank Miller was much like fellow comic uber-great Alan Moore, in that Mr. Miller wanted Hollywood to have absolutely nothing to do with his comic work. Unlike Mr. Moore, however, Mr. Miller's works have made a stunning (and creator-blessed) return to the silver screen, and we, the audience, get the dividends.

As I mentioned in my "One-Line Review" on my film website, 300 is a veritable tour-de-force of comic filmmaking. It is everything that a comic adaptation could and should be. Colorful, highly stylized, extremely violent, equally sexy, it's a kick ass ride into cinema, as worthy of being called a film as it was of being called a graphic novel.

That being said, it may not be everyone's cup of tea; it's not really intended for the film snob crowd. It is also, again, extremely violent. And, for those who are misguidingly going to see it for the historical effect, it is pretty much entirely historically inaccurate. But, a roller coaster of historically inaccurate violence it is, and that was kind of the point to begin with.

All things considered, it's a good movie. To some, it's a great movie. I have it somewhere in between good and great, but it's certainly going in the DVD collection when it comes out.

Moving on... the controversy.

It seems that some scholars in Iran are complaining about the film, saying it's another prejudiced way in which American Imperialist culture is trying to portray Iranians as a global negative. I mean, what else would a film showing Caucasian Occidentals fighting black and Arab Orientals have in mind?

Um, entertainment, maybe?

I have something to say to those scholars: shut the fuck up. I'm willing to guarantee them that 300, in no way, shape, nor form, was made with any intent to offend Iranians, or any other Persian peoples, for that matter.

Evidence:

1) It's common knowledge that comic book adaptations are popular in contemporary American film culture, and 300 is a product of that popularity. Given that Frank Miller's previous comic adaptation, Sin City, made such a splash, it's only natural that someone obtained the rights for 300.
2) Related to the first point, period war films are also now popular. Personally, I think 300 was more of a reaction to that horrible film called Troy than anything. As in: "Troy sucked, we can make something better."
3) As much as I hate to admit it, I'm pretty sure the average American has no idea that Iran is located in the heart of the former Persian Empire. And since this is the case, I'm pretty sure few Americans in the audience made any sort of Xerxes/Persia/Iran connection.

Case closed. Go see the damn movie.