More Inebriated Profoundness

No, I'm not as blitzed as I was the last time I blogged drunk, but I'm still a bit loopy. So, in light of the fact that a friend of mine just passed out while on the phone with me, I'm going to attempt ten profound thoughts again.

Or, rather, not-so-profound thoughts.

We shall see what we see, won't we? (somebody please tell me what movie that's from... I can't think)

1. I do not sing. I cannot sing. I don't care what you heard or from whom.

2. One plus one equals two.

3. Blood is definitely thicker than water... and leaves a bigger mess when spilled.

4. I had two cigarettes in the past week. I think this makes me a bad person.

5. Whoever said "there's no place like home" never went anywhere.

6. Don't axe me a question!

007. James Bond is the shit.

8. Friends you've never met are less likely to judge you.

9. Damn you, Barefoot! Cheap Merlot isn't supposed to be good!

10. Jaclyn Smith and Cheryl Ladd were way better Angels than Farrah Fawcett ever was. Yeah, I said it. Got a problem?

Meh... I didn't drink enough, I think.

Evolutionary Musings

As some of you have noticed, I'm currently in the process of transferring a lot of old material over to blogger (all apologies to those being inundated with update notifications for old crap). In doing so, I've obviously been reading a lot of my old writings and, I must admit, I'm a bit embarrassed by a lot of them. There's quite a few over-the-top rants that I didn't even truly believe back when they were written, and more than a few melodramatic entries that, in hindsight, betray false emotions.

At any rate, they're interesting for me to read, and they push home the indisputable fact that people change over time and, in many cases, change relatively quickly. Still, the voice behind those written words is definitely my own. I guess the old adage is true: be careful what you say, and be more careful what you write, for those words will undoubtedly come back to haunt you. Or make you laugh... either out loud or a bit nervously, as is the case with me.

Random Musings

Rhode Island is currently considering changing its official name from "State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations" to just "State of Rhode Island." Why? Apparently because the "Plantations" part sparks images of slavery. Seriously, people, get over it. Plantations are not defined by slavery... you can blame pop culture for that one. Adding to the irony is the overwhelming reaction to Michael Jackson's death, who is partially remembered as a pedophile (proven or not), but whose supporters posture that he should be remembered for his contribution to music over anything else he may or may not have done. So why can't this logic be applied to the name of Rhode Island? Oh, wait... whiny people.

Speaking of Michael Jackson... yeah, it was sudden, but is anybody really that surprised? Heath Ledger was a surprise. David Carradine was a surprise. Michael Jackson, to paraphrase Craig Ferguson, merely warrants an, "Oh, really?"

All that stated, his "King of Pop" moniker was rightfully earned.

Does Iran really want to pick a fight? Or is this just wild posturing? Of course, should North Korea get froggy at the same time, things could get really ugly really fast. I don't really see it happening, but to ignore the possibility is stupidity incarnate.

Farrah Fawcett, your passing was a sad thing, but I still have to point out that Cheryl Ladd taking your place on Charlie's Angels was a boon for that show.

I'm still coming to terms with Trevor Hoffman not wearing a Padres uniform. Be patient with me. My emotional recovery can only be fostered by the Padres winning their division, which doesn't look to be happening any time soon. At least Hoffman's replacement, Heath Bell, seems a bright spot.

The Department of Homeland Security and the Department of Defense are fighting over who gets control of military assets along the border with Mexico. I'm a bit biased, but I don't think that anybody other than the DoD should ever have control of military assets. Of course, if Obama uses this squabble as an excuse to push a "National Police Force," I'll change my tune, because that's an even worse option.

Someone I know thinks that World War II was the United States' fault, at least in the Pacific Theater. Someone I know needs to study more.

General Motors (now banally referred to as "Government Motors" by many) needs to collapse Buick, Pontiac, and GMC into a brand new imprint and market it between Chevrolet and Cadillac, rather than having a fire sale.

Fearless prediction: North Carolina will fail to pass another tax incentive for its film industry.

10 Movies Everybody Loves... That I Hate

I watched Curse of the Golden Flower for the first time last night and was thoroughly unimpressed. I had heard that the film was the box office record holder in China, so I figured it must be great. Not good. Great.

Only, it wasn't even okay. It stunk.

Curious as to why so many purported Chinese would love this movie, I decided to research the story. To see, like several popular Chinese action films, if it was based at all in truth. So far, I've found squat. It's just a chaotic mess of a movie that seems to have "Asian is cool" fanboys in an uproar over what amounts to an exercise in futility and ridiculousness. Ah, well.

At any rate, I decided to write about 10 movies that most people I know tend to love, and that I actually hate. How unlike me, right?

1. Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace. George Lucas' really bad version of the Bible, with Anakin Skywalker as Jesus Christ. Absolute crap.

2. Star Wars Episode Two: Attack of the Clones. The film with what had to be the single most retarded scene ever to grace the silver screen: Yoda bouncing around the screen like a pinball. Star Wars fanboys loved it. And you all know what I think of Star Wars fanboys.

3. Star Wars Episode Three: Revenge of the Sith. Ugh, why bother?

4. Anchorman. I've written about this before. It was dumb. I fell asleep. Will Farrell is hit or miss, and he definitely missed with this one.

5. Charlie's Angels. Sue me. I can't sit through this all the way. Next to George Lucas, Drew Barrymore deserves the "kill childhood fantasy" award. Not only was the script stupid, the acting sucked, none of the actresses (even Lucy Liu) could hold a candle to any of the original Angels (Farrah, Jacklyn, Kate, and Cheryl). I have no fucking clue how a sequel got greenlit. Praise Allah that McG lost out on directing the Superman film.

6. The Searchers. Oh, yes... John Ford and John Wayne's staple of film school. Even Spielberg claims he watches it just before he directs a new movie. My question is: why? It feels a bit sloppy. Most of the acting is subpar. And the climax is, quite simply, a letdown. I guess I should watch it again, but I seriously don't get it. Maybe I missed something.

7. The Lost World: Jurassic Park. Up until this film, I would have claimed that Steven Spielberg had never directed a truly bad film (even 1941, which makes me chuckle). But this... this wretched followup to the uber-great Jurassic Park... left me scratching my head. Ian Malcolm's daughter doing gymnastics in the middle of a jungle to knock out a velociraptor? Um, no. And let's not bring up the horrible casting behind that particular character.

8. The Matrix Reloaded. That's right, the second film in the trilogy. Nearly every person I know is in agreement that the third film was horrid, but I lay claim that the second was pretty fucking bad, too. Admittedly, it was better during a second (forced) viewing, but then again, I didn't pay $7 to see it. Any society who throws a rave while their doom is impending deserves to lose any rights to a sequel.

9. The Da Vinci Code. Boring. Great plot. Bad story. Very boring. I've written about how overrated I think Dan Brown, the book's author, is, but even I figured the near-great Ron Howard could make a kick ass movie out of the plot he was handed. I was wrong. I never thought I'd say this, but I'd be very glad should Tom Hanks not do the sequel should it be made. Until this film, I thought he could pull any role off. I was wrong.

10. Mission: Impossible 2. The unofficial Tom Cruise as James Bond film, complete with Anthony Hopkins as M. Seriously. How derivative can a film be? Let me rephrase that: how unoriginal, uninspired, campy, and crappy can a film be? And this was before Tom Cruise turned insane...

Anybody feel like adding to this list, feel free.