Long Lost Pointless Musings, July 2008

What can I say? It's been a while.

Barack Obama, in a blatant attempt to prove something, is supposedly considering Republicans for Vice President. Will it happen? Likely not; he just wants the "unifying" press. It's all about change, right?

Seriously, both Obama and McCain should select Jeb Bush as a running mate. Imaging the furor that would cause.

Mexico is releasing its first "designed and made in Mexico" car, and I must admit, it looks awesome. It's called the Mastretta MXT and can do 0-60 in under five seconds. Not only that, it's guaranteed to get your farmhands to work on time. Uh oh... I did not just type that. Santa Mierda!

Still, the new Camaro looks like it can kick the Mastretta's ass.

In other news: more irony as two more banks "foreclosed." Suckers. The banking industry is finally realizing that it wasn't them who trapped the American homeowner in a lose-lose situation, it was the other way around.

California is becoming the first state to ban restaurants from using trans-fats. $50 says that someone will eventually discover that trans-fats actually have a biological purpose, and everyone will realize that they just screwed themselves.

The United States Army, in a wonderful PR move, recalled Caleb Campbell of the NFL's Detroit Lions to active service. This was after promising him that he could play in the NFL and serve as a poster boy for recruiting. Again, $50 says some jealous higher ups somewhere purposely fucked that poor guy. Does nobody in the Army realize that the Army's image is suffering at the moment? Rest assured, I will return to this issue in the near future.

Marion Jones applied for a Presidential pardon. Sorry, bitch. You cheated, lied, then lied about cheating. While falling short of treason, you deserve the same treatment Benedict Arnold got. Bitch.

Tori Spelling, already whoring herself out to reality TV in an attempt to brighten her fading star, needs to consider another method to brighten her fading star... like going away.

The Screen Actors Guild is bandying about, unsure of what to do. How about this? GO BACK TO WORK. Fuckers.

Perhaps deceptively trying to convince the American public that the military is truly "up-sizing," the US Navy has reactived the long-dormant Fourth Fleet. However, the truth is that the ships of the Fourth Fleet will theoretically be "on loan" from the other fleets. Go figure.

So Air Force crews are falling asleep at the controls of missile launch sites? Um... does anyone still not agree that this particular organization needs to disappear?

Here's something you probably don't know: the Russians have been to the moon, albeit in the form of a remote-controlled rover. In the 70s. And, yes, decades later we borrowed some of their technology to design our Mars rovers.

Out of Iraq and into Iran? That would be, like, stupidly expensive. Ignoring the politics behind it, why would someone drive from San Diego to Los Angeles by going home to Chicago first?

The San Diego Padres seriously, seriously suck this year. Think letting Bruce Bochy go had anything to do with that? Um... yes.

I just recently watched that "Kirk Cameron can scientifically prove the existence of God" debate. Then I read something Candace Cameron wrote about how "God wants her to serve her husband." I have a question for them: what the fuck is wrong with you?

The Dark Knight was, well, near-perfect. Although Christian Bale's "Batman" voice can really get irritating if he has to put more than five words together at a time. And Maggie Gyllenhaal? Not much of an improvement over the awful Katie Holmes. I'm glad this is no longer an issue.

Honestly, I miss the cold weather.

And, on that note, I'm out.

The Gift of NFL Cheerleaders

Tomorrow is the NFL Pro Bowl. The last game of the season for America's favorite sport. And our last chance to catch the gorgeous sight that are the legs and stomachs of the most beautiful women in professional sports... the NFL cheerleaders.

Now, some of you are nodding your heads and panting your tongues in agreement. To me, if I'm not watching a Chargers game, I'm usually only watching for the cheerleader camera. Yes, I admit it, I'm fairly immature when it comes to seeing twenty to thirty drop-dead gorgeous women wearing team logos, miniskirts, and pom-poms.

Of course, some of you are rolling your eyes, scoffing, stuck in your age-old mentality that cheerleaders are mindless bimbos who just want to be gawked at and groped.

Well now, that's just plain stupid.

In recent discussions with my nephew (who shall remain nameless), I was shocked to discover that he despised cheerleaders for being "mindless bimbos" who, according to him, were also "way too peppy. Keep in mind that this boy is in the EMO crowd (one strike) and thinks that buying his two best friends $20 Best Buy gift cards for Christmas while only getting his girlfriend a three-foot long piece of chocolate (despite being given $40 to get her a necklace) is okay (two strikes). So, for sake of this argument, let's not hold his dislike of cheerleaders against him (three strikes... oops).

Anyway, this nephew of mine not once takes into account that these women on the sidelines hold varied careers, have or are earning college degrees, are extremely flexible (though over 16, he hasn't a clue what sort of adventures this characteristic can lead to), and just, well, drop-dead gorgeous. Yes, I'm straddling the line of being a tad stereotypical myself, but what can I say? I'm a male pig.

Before I stray too far, let's present the evidence:

Houston Texans cheerleader, "Summer." This is her bio from the Texans website:
"Summer was born and raised in Kansas and is a 2003 graduate of Wichita State University with a Bachelor of Science degree in Aerospace Engineering. She currently works as an engineer at NASA's Johnson Space Center. In 2002 Summer became a VFR rated private pilot and plans to continue flying to earn more ratings. She also enjoys riding motorcycles."

Mindless bimbo? Hardly. This woman is at least twice as smart as me, and then some. I think I have nicer legs, but that's beside the point.

Other examples include Jennifer of the Philadelphia Eagles (Financial Data Systems Analyst), Tara of the Cincinnati Bengals (a PhD student of Cellular and Molecular Cancer Biology), Lauren of the Washington Redskins (Neurotherapist), and the list goes on.

In fact, this "brains meets beauty" characteristic seems to be the rule with NFL cheerleaders, rather than the exception.

Regardless, at the end of it all, it's pretty clear that these women represent our society as a whole. They come from all walks of life, have varied education and experience levels, and, despite the fact that they're all gorgeous, come from different ethnic, religious, and social backgrounds. Knowing all of this just makes them even more attractive to me. And in recognition of this, while I offer no guarantees, I will try to keep my tongue from hanging out in the future.

These women are a gift to sports fanatics everywhere. To be cherished for eight home games a season (plus playoffs). I can only hope my nephew comes around.

To the seven teams that don't have cheerleaders (Bears, Lions, Packers, Browns, Steelers, Giants, Jets), you suck.

Oh, and GO CHARGER GIRLS!