Chargers ’08 - Second Year Coach Syndrome

After five games, it's almost no surprise that the San Diego Chargers are 2-3, exactly the same record they had at this point in the season last year. Okay, it is a bit of a surprise, but it can't be unexpected, can it?

Despite Philip Rivers' good start, everyone else is proceeding as usual. Norv Turner once again shows that he is unable to properly prepare a team in the off-season, Ted Cottrell once again reveals that he is far too conservative a defensive coordinator, and LT once again has problems catching swing passes.

Like I said: business as usual. Here's hoping that the rest of the season winds up like last year.

Unfortunately, precedent is against such a thing happening. I call this precedent "Second Year Coach Syndrome" and, no, this does not refer to all second-year coaches. Merely the ones who took over for already successful franchises.

Take a look at the San Diego Padres this year. Two years ago, in manager Bruce Bochy's last year, the Padres were among the best teams in the National League. Last year Bochy left and was replaced by Bud Black. This year? The Padres were easily one of the two worst teams in all of Major League Baseball. Why, you might ask? That's easy: last year's team was still very much Bruce Bochy's, even if he wasn't there to manage physically. To put it theologically, enough of his soul was around to get the Padres to that tragic tie-breaker game.

Still don't believe me? Then just look at the participants of Super Bowl XXXVII. Jon Gruden, in his first year as Tampa Bay Buccaneers head coach, and Bill Callahan, in his first year as the Oakland Raiders head coach, both led their respective team to the big game. Only, in each case, neither team really belonged to that coach.

The Buccaneers of that year were still very much belonged to their previous coach, Tony Dungy, who was inexplicably let go after taking the Buccaneers out of the butt-joke basement of the NFL and into the NFL elite.

Ironically, the Raiders of that year still very much belonged to their previous coach, John Gruden, who, though a perfect fit in Oakland, has been less than perfect in Florida.

While the Buccaneers have remained competent, they have only posted two winning seasons since their Super Bowl appearance and have lost both of their playoff games. The Raiders have won a mere 19 out of 80 games in the five seasons following that Super Bowl.

What does this all mean? Isn't it obvious? The spirt of Marty Schottenheimer, the strangely oft-reviled former head coach of the Chargers who also took a butt-joke team and turned it elite, is likely what propelled the Chargers to the AFC Championship game last year. Not, as general manager A.J. Smith would have you believe, the coaching abilities and game philosophies of Norv Turner (who, by the way, has a paltry 69-87 record as a head coach in the regular season).

I do hope I'm wrong. I really do. But, unless Norv Turner wins a playoff game this season, I'm going to continue to attribute last season's success to Schottenhiemer.

Time will tell.

Long Lost Pointless Musings, July 2008

What can I say? It's been a while.

Barack Obama, in a blatant attempt to prove something, is supposedly considering Republicans for Vice President. Will it happen? Likely not; he just wants the "unifying" press. It's all about change, right?

Seriously, both Obama and McCain should select Jeb Bush as a running mate. Imaging the furor that would cause.

Mexico is releasing its first "designed and made in Mexico" car, and I must admit, it looks awesome. It's called the Mastretta MXT and can do 0-60 in under five seconds. Not only that, it's guaranteed to get your farmhands to work on time. Uh oh... I did not just type that. Santa Mierda!

Still, the new Camaro looks like it can kick the Mastretta's ass.

In other news: more irony as two more banks "foreclosed." Suckers. The banking industry is finally realizing that it wasn't them who trapped the American homeowner in a lose-lose situation, it was the other way around.

California is becoming the first state to ban restaurants from using trans-fats. $50 says that someone will eventually discover that trans-fats actually have a biological purpose, and everyone will realize that they just screwed themselves.

The United States Army, in a wonderful PR move, recalled Caleb Campbell of the NFL's Detroit Lions to active service. This was after promising him that he could play in the NFL and serve as a poster boy for recruiting. Again, $50 says some jealous higher ups somewhere purposely fucked that poor guy. Does nobody in the Army realize that the Army's image is suffering at the moment? Rest assured, I will return to this issue in the near future.

Marion Jones applied for a Presidential pardon. Sorry, bitch. You cheated, lied, then lied about cheating. While falling short of treason, you deserve the same treatment Benedict Arnold got. Bitch.

Tori Spelling, already whoring herself out to reality TV in an attempt to brighten her fading star, needs to consider another method to brighten her fading star... like going away.

The Screen Actors Guild is bandying about, unsure of what to do. How about this? GO BACK TO WORK. Fuckers.

Perhaps deceptively trying to convince the American public that the military is truly "up-sizing," the US Navy has reactived the long-dormant Fourth Fleet. However, the truth is that the ships of the Fourth Fleet will theoretically be "on loan" from the other fleets. Go figure.

So Air Force crews are falling asleep at the controls of missile launch sites? Um... does anyone still not agree that this particular organization needs to disappear?

Here's something you probably don't know: the Russians have been to the moon, albeit in the form of a remote-controlled rover. In the 70s. And, yes, decades later we borrowed some of their technology to design our Mars rovers.

Out of Iraq and into Iran? That would be, like, stupidly expensive. Ignoring the politics behind it, why would someone drive from San Diego to Los Angeles by going home to Chicago first?

The San Diego Padres seriously, seriously suck this year. Think letting Bruce Bochy go had anything to do with that? Um... yes.

I just recently watched that "Kirk Cameron can scientifically prove the existence of God" debate. Then I read something Candace Cameron wrote about how "God wants her to serve her husband." I have a question for them: what the fuck is wrong with you?

The Dark Knight was, well, near-perfect. Although Christian Bale's "Batman" voice can really get irritating if he has to put more than five words together at a time. And Maggie Gyllenhaal? Not much of an improvement over the awful Katie Holmes. I'm glad this is no longer an issue.

Honestly, I miss the cold weather.

And, on that note, I'm out.