The Gasoline Hypocrisy

Gas is expensive. No shit. We all see it driving down the highway; we all feel it paying at the pump; we all complain incessantly about it whenever we damn well please. It sucks, and it sucks worse that high gas prices are likely here to stay.

But... what are we doing about it? Complaining? Yes, we've already established that. Berate ExxonMobil and the other large petroleum companies? Oh, yes... damn their profits. Damn them. Never mind that they are companies and they exist solely to turn a profit. Fuck it. They're easy targets. Still, what the hell are we doing about it?

Have any of us started new carpools to get to work and back? Have any of us started planning shopping trips with our friends and neighbors in order to save that precious gas and cut down on congestion? Have any of us jumped into the world that is public transportation?

Short answer: no, no we have not.

Oh, we'll complain. Oh, we'll adjust our spending to buy fewer DVDs and more generic groceries in order to accomodate our growing fuel costs. But, no... we'll be damned if we give up our personal rides in order to look like the dork riding in his friend's passenger seat. Appearances and status are everything, and, fuck me, it's worth $4 per gallon.

And besides, the growing clamor of so-called "worldy" people pointing out the fact that Europe and Asia spend WAY more on gasoline than we do is somehow causing us to justify putting up with expensive fuel. Call it the frog in the pan trick.

We're idiots. All we do is complain and do nothing to alleviate the problem. Buy a Prius? For what? About 45 to 50 miles per gallon? Shit, a Geo Metro did better than that, and that was 15 years ago.

No, we have at our fingertips a multitude of ways to help ourselves, but we won't do it. Hell, we could force high school kids to take the school bus. How much gas would that save? Probably not an insignificant amount.

Anyway, before I start to ramble too badly, I need to wrap it up. Basically, change your driving/riding habits or shut the fuck up and pay the $4.

We're all just whiny-ass hypocrites.

Realistic Resolutions for the New Year

New Year's resolutions are bunk. We all know that. Hell, anyone checking at my resolutions for 2007 would know that I didn't keep any of them.

So, this year, I'm going to make some that I know I can keep.

1. I resolve to eat lots of food, ignoring any possible health risks caused by said food.

2. I resolve to pet my cats and dogs, even while neglecting their desire to go for long walks.

3. I resolve to imbibe in alcohol, smoke an occasional cigarette, and throw up once or twice.

4. I resolve to watch a lot of movies, keep up with certain television series, and play video games when I have the time.

5. I resolve to cuss out someone who insults me, making them feel really small and really stupid.

6. I resolve to waste a lot of time on the Internet, remaining oblivious to the fact that there are other, more productive, tasks that require my attention.

7. I resolve to drive on the highways like they are my highways, acting as though the rest of the drivers out there are merely borrowing my road space.

8. I resolve to forget birthdays, anniversaries, and other special occasions due to my own self-centered and narcissistic tendencies.

9. I resolve to spend more money than I should, buy more things than I need, and deplete my savings in the name of fun.

There... that's better.

Don't Look Back in Anger

I'm kicking a dead horse here, but 2006 was a very difficult year for me. The most difficult, actually. Dreams turned into nightmares, plans fell apart, and life became almost completely reactive. It seemed like every path I tried to take on my own wound up blocked, and the ones that weren't led nowhere.

2006's bane, as my friend likes to say, was for me something as simple as misplaced trust. I'm a very loyal person, and I expect the same kind of loyalty from the people I consider my friends. Unfortunately for me, the one person I placed a great deal of trust in this year decided to, quite completely, screw me. Long story short, I had paid this person's bills for the two years she attended graduate school. I'm talking rent, utilities, phone, cable, internet, and even her dog's and cat's vet bills. All in all, it wound up almost $9500. Attach the interest and the late fees she promised to reimburse, she was looking at $14000. Anyway, the plan was to move to Los Angeles, where I had helped her land a rather lucrative job at CAA (Creative Artists Agency, the most powerful agency in Hollywood). There, we would work steadily, with her taking the reigns on the bills until we were square as far as the money was concerned. Of course, and I should've known this years ago, she had other ideas and, in a manner that would make Steve Miller proud, took the money and ran.

Okay, fine. I'm pissed. I started a little revenge plan. I almost went through with it, too. But, I had begun talking to someone who, in that cliché way, made me want to be a better person. Seriously. I'm not making this up. I wouldn't make something up that makes me look like a hopeless sap. I, for better or worse, wanted no new skeletons in the closet to hide from this person. Slip inside the eye of your mind, don't you know you might find a better place to play. And that I did. A wonderful place to play.

So, it's October, and things are looking up. I'm burying hatchets, rebuilding bridges, working my way out of this mess that is, ultimately, my own fault. Nobody told me to trust this girl... in fact, many people told me not to. But I did anyway. So, chalk one up to Jeff's lack of objectivity. But, things are looking up. Until I ran into another, for lack of better term, traitor.

Another long story short, my privacy was invaded in that worst of ways. Like, George Bush granting the NSA carte blanche bad. I confronted the invader, and was basically told to leave. That was fine, I could handle that. I walked away, repeatedly. For some odd reason, this jerk kept coming, and it culminated in a fight. Those of you who know, know that I am fairly well trained in combat, and the fight was hardly fair. I never threw a punch or a kick, but injured my opponent and won in the matter of seconds. And then I was arrested. I used the last of my money I still had from getting screwed the first time to bail myself out of jail (which was a rather long process... to get to that money was an adventure in itself).

Revenge here wasn't really an option. I won't say why, but rest assured that as soon as I can get out this hole that I'm stuck in, I won't be coming back for a very, very long time. Of course, this situation is also, ultimately, my own fault. My anger in the matter is as much aimed at myself as it is the opposing party. You said that you've never been, but all the things that you've seen, they slowly fade away.

Now it's December, and I'm finally getting over it. Not on my own, no, I'm far too weak for that, but the help I'm getting is astounding in its effectiveness. And it's help from someone who doesn't know she's giving it.

Last night, December 26th, I tried to get to bed early to get back to a work-oriented sleep schedule. It wasn't happening. Thoughts of getting even were once again running rampant in my mind. As I lie there, I just kept getting more angry. And then, like it always does, a random image of a smile penetrated my anger. I woke up, listened to some music that reminded me of that smile, wrote a song lyric, and went back to sleep. Calmly, I might add.

I'm trying to put 2006 behind me, literally and figuratively. I can't do it on my own, I lost that ability sometime while I was in the Army. Anger was too effective at keeping me alive and ahead of the game in the military, and I can't forget that. But I can see that smile, saying to me to not look back in anger, to look forward with that sense of optimism that I had at the end of 2005, when 2006 was looking like it would unfold as the best of year of my life. Don't look back in anger, I heard you say.

And I won't. Well, I'll try not to. It's a good philosophy. Don't look back in anger.

At least not today.

Random Givings of Thanks

Personally, I think that Thanksgiving is a painfully and obviously arbitrary holiday, but whatever...

Some things to give thanks and not-so-much-thanks for this year:

Thanks to my friends who helped me get through a shit time in my life.

Not-so-much-thanks for the person who single-handedly put me there (not that I hold a grudge... anymore).

Thanks to the idiots who are making the "Global War on Terrorism" a de facto screw up.

Thanks to the NFL for putting a third game on Thanksgiving Day.

Thanks to Kay and Sagremor, my two cats who have actually stuck around.

Not-so-much-thanks to the asshole "retiree" CEOs who give themselves $400 million pensions while the rest of America struggles to make ends meet.

Thanks to John Kerry for informing me that I was in the Army because I got bad grades in school. I was under the impression that I held a sense of duty that many no longer hold.

Thanks to my muse for putting me back in a writer's mindset.

Thanks to my dogs for putting up with my lack of attention giving... that'll change soon, I promise.

Thanks to my sister for editing my writings for spelling and grammar at no charge.

Thanks to PH for lending me a shitload of money (five figures, seriously) to keep my head above water.

Not-so-much-thanks to Chevrolet for making the third-door latch on S-10s an easily broken piece of shit.

Thanks to the screenwriters of Casino Royale for making James Bond cool again.

Thanks to Martin Scorsese for making back-to-back films that truly inspired me.

Not-so-much-thanks to George Lucas for refusing to remaster the prints of the original Star Wars trilogy for DVD.

Thanks to the paratroopers who have entered my life, but will never be able to enter it again thanks to a really fucked up war. You guys were the best.

Thanks to the filmmakers who brought work my way at the exact moment my career seemed to dead-end.

Not-so-much-thanks to the man who had me arrested because he lost a fight that HE started.

Thanks to the networks for fielding the best television programming on the air since, well, the day I was born.

And last, but certainly not least, thanks to the people who are trying to make sure that 2007 will be that "Best Year" that 2006 should have been.

Four Things That Could Cheer Me Up

Life, I must say, is a bit of a wreck for me at the moment. Now, it's certainly not as bad nor as confusing as life is for many people that I know, but... it's still a damn wreck.

You see, I was supposed to finally and permanently move to Los Angeles this upcoming week. Unfortunately, thanks to a fucked up and vindictive maneuver on a certain someone that used to be important to me (I must stress used to be), Los Angeles is no longer anywhere in the near future for me... at least as far as I'm able to manipulate. I had a nice career waiting... family and other nepotistic hookups with people quite capable of giving me fairly lucrative work (at least as far as a work resume goes)... an "in" at Creative Artists Agency, the very place I'm trying to get an agent at... and long-lost and new-found friends laboring and networking in all of the places that I needed to labor and network in. Even better, a friend of mine was working on contacting the actors Sunny Mabry and Ethan Embry in order for me to convince them to star in a different friend's directorial debut, which would've resulted in me getting put into a nice little position with which to start my Hollywood career.

But, thanks to that person who is no longer important to me... all of that has fallen apart. NINE years of being patient, learning my trade, and saving money... down the shit-tube... all because I trusted the wrong person.

Needless to say, I'm in the process of salvaging what can be salvaged and rebuilding what needs rebuilt. Unfortunately, it's going to take a few miracles and a year or two to get me back on track... and by then I'll be 30. Over-the-hill and futile, as they say, in Hollywood. But, fuck it. I'm going to give it a whirl anyway.

Anyway, on to the point. Since some of my closest friends read this, I'm going to list, as the title so eloquently points out, four things that could cheer me up. So, if any of you reading this are in any type of position to help with any of these four things, please do so.

1. A certain so-and-so getting run over by a car and bleeding slowly to death for all the world to see. Okay, maybe not... but I'd still like to see life fall apart for this certain so-and-so. Yeah, yeah, that's not very nice, not very Christian, not very "Buddha," but hey... I'm pissed off and will probably remain so for all eternity.

2. Getting my $14,000 back. The $14,000 that my ex-girlfriend so kindly forced from my possession. She once swore that she'd pay me back no matter what... whether we were together or not... whether we were friends or not. Apparently swears mean nothing to her. Well, how's this for reciprocation? "Hey, babe. I swear I love you."

3. Somehow moving to the Los Angeles area. Seriously, people... nobody knows ANYBODY that wants to move to Los Angeles? Most of you are trying to be filmmakers... what the fuck is wrong with you? I need two roommates for a decent pad in Burbank or North Hollywood. I have three dogs and three cats who are never around. Come on... this should be a no-brainer. Then again... anyone who'd stick around Wilmington hoping that the industry picks up again probably isn't capable of a no-brainer. Um... just kidding... really.

4. Receiving a phone call from an enigmatic brunette in North Carolina. A gorgeous, intelligent, joyous person who can only be described as a living muse. This may sound sappy or even contradictory, depending on what you know, but I would like to hear from her again.

And there you have it... my cry for help.

It sucks being pathetic.

A Penny Gets You Two Cents

Well, people, they're at it again... a bunch of lazy, money-wasting morons want to get rid of our beloved penny for good. "Nobody wants to carry them around," they claim. "They can't buy anything," they say.

Alas, while I'm inclined to agree, I also recognize the institution known as TRADITION, and we should always have a small copper coin with good ol' Abe Lincoln resting on it in nice relief. I mean, what the Hell are we going to do Wednesday nights at the local bar? Have "Nickel Night?" Fuck that... Penny Night or nothing, I say.

Wait, wait... before you go taking advantage of that "nothing," I have a proposition. One so simple, it's sickening nobody thought of it first.

Print "Two Cents" on the back of the penny instead of "One Cent."

I mean, shit, there's a two-dollar bill, isn't there? Why not a two-cent coin? That makes multiple dead birds with only one small stone.

Think about it... the value of copper is increasing, and the estimated cost of making a penny will be about 1.23 cents. That's the first time in history the cost of the penny exceeds its value, which is why the movement for getting rid of it is gaining a shitload of momentum (it's bad when the Treasury Department and various Mints support the idea now... what's odd is that the nickel costs more than five cents to make, too... but there's no talk of getting rid of that). So, "TWO CENTS" underneath the Lincoln Memorial makes a ton of, well, sense.

1. It solves the cost/value problem
2. For a small (read: cheap) modification to the existing moldings, the Mints can effectively increase their output by 100% (or something like that)
3. There's no more idiotic controversy wasting people's time and money
4. There's more incentive to use them, since, shit, they're worth more

Interestingly enough, the man responsible for the legislation that is trying to kill the penny, Representative Jim Kolbe of Arizona (who also tried to kill the penny in 2001), wants to increase the production of the two-dollar bill (as well as the one-dollar coin).

So I pose this question to him: What better way to kick off the number two than by making a two-cent penny?

Fear of Online Banking

Disclaimer: I was going to post the third part of my little DC Comics expose, but I was irked into writing something else first... for all of you comic geeks out there, I humbly apologize. On second thought... fuck off.

I encountered a specimen from a dying breed of people the other day... a person who is scared of online banking, or any type of online transaction, for that matter. Their excuses? Well, it's not safe, online transactions are easier to intercept, the Internet is full of identity thieves, blah, blah, blah. I mean, shit, if the Veterans Administration can leak everyone's social security numbers out there, why can't Bank of America.com or eBay do it, too?

Just for the record, the VA leak had absolutely nothing to do with the "insecure Internet" and everything to do with an "ignorant Idiot."

Back to the point... I got news for you technophile schmucks who think that paper and pen or hard cash is the safest way to do things... You people have bank accounts, don't you? You people have credit cards? Loans? CDs? Stocks? Porn magazine subscriptions? Well, guess the fuck what... YOUR MONEY IS BEING TRANSACTED ON THE INTERNET.

You see, banks and other financial institutions popularized these super-duper fast phone lines called T1 or T3 lines, the same lines, by the way, that Internet servers tend to use (the good ones, anyway). Yeah, it's a crazy concept. In fact, have you ever used an ATM machine and heard that weird squealing and beeping? That's a modem going online. Oh, shit... I said it... ON-FUCKING-LINE.

But okay, you don't use an ATM, you don't use a credit card, you don't use a bank card (check card, money card, speedpay, whatever the fuck you call it)... but you still have money in a bank, and that bank still proverbially uses your money to make money. And guess what? There's not some piss-ant minimum-wage monkey running all of those transactions back and forth between financial institutions in a paper bag with your name on it stored safely in the back of an armored truck (I'm being serious, there really isn't). And do you know why? Well, there's this fucking thing called the Internet, and it sure makes doing business as shitload easier.

Join the 21st Century. And if our computer systems are ever knocked out by some fucked up Armageddon, well, then you can say you told me so. Fortunately (for you), I won't know you said it, because you won't have any way to email me. Fucker.