Things I Learned from Video Games That My Sister's Kids Didn't

I love video games. I do. Thankfully, I've moved past the point that I waste dozens of hours of week sitting in front of a television or a computer doing something that ultimately results in, well, nothing. But I still love a good video game. Strangely enough (or maybe not), I prefer a strong story to strong gameplay, though I do enjoy a mindless foray into whooping some virtual ass.

That stated, I grew up on the good ol' Atari 2600. Crap graphics combined with a one-button controller never really lent themselves to great gameplay, and the limited RAM and ROM space found on that particular system didn't really lend itself to engaging and encompassing stories. But, whatever.

Fast-forward to the 21st century (actually, the mid-90s), and video games now exhibit mind-blowing imagery and storylines that are so in-depth, they often require multiple run-throughs just to notice or understand all of their nuance. No, I'm not claiming that video games are the next great art form (though I would certainly, unlike Roger Ebert, consider them an art form), I'm merely acknowledging that a shitload of creativity goes into the things.

Still, kids seem to be taking everything for granted these days, and as I'm watching three under-10-year-olds playing a fairly comprehensive game on Nintendo Wii as I write this, it only confirms this notion for me. Video games taught me persistence. I played stupid little 8-bit (or less) games until they were completed. If I couldn't get past a level or an obstacle, I stayed at it until I could figure it out. For me, video games were a primal form (compared to today's games, of course) of problem solving. Movement and timing. But then again, video games were most certainly NOT my childhood's primary form of entertainment. There was television, sure, but it was mostly inanimate toys and books that I had to turn to in order to keep from getting bored.

Today, though... different story.

I'm watching three kids try to beat a level, each getting frustrated beyond belief in turn, and handing the controller off to another kid in angry defeat in order to just pass the level. Their willingness to quit a friggin' video game is, quite simply, amazing to me. What makes it somewhat depressing is that though there are snippets of what is actually a pretty decent story, they don't even give a shit. All they want to see are flashing lights and colors and some "bling bling" that lets them know they've passed the level.

So three strikes for persistence, and three more for following plot.

I also learned how to share with the video games of my generation. There were relatively few simultaneous multiplayer games when I was growing up, and "Player 2" usually went about his or her business while I twiddled my thumbs awaiting my next turn. Not so with today's games. Everything's at the same time, be it on the same team or in versus modes, and the sudden demise of one player typically results in arguments over whether or not to hit the reset button.

On that note, I also learned how to lose with video games. I think we can safely count that lesson out, as evidenced by the almost broken Wii controller now laying on the living room floor and the bratty neighbor kid stewing in the kitchen.

Now, while I don't subscribe to the theory that video games are destroying our children (I blame that on bad parenting, which has pretty much always been the culprit of that particular accusation), I do admit that children learn fewer valuable life lessons from the games and style of gaming in vogue today.

Of course, I'm probably just getting old.

Realistic Resolutions for the New Year

New Year's resolutions are bunk. We all know that. Hell, anyone checking at my resolutions for 2007 would know that I didn't keep any of them.

So, this year, I'm going to make some that I know I can keep.

1. I resolve to eat lots of food, ignoring any possible health risks caused by said food.

2. I resolve to pet my cats and dogs, even while neglecting their desire to go for long walks.

3. I resolve to imbibe in alcohol, smoke an occasional cigarette, and throw up once or twice.

4. I resolve to watch a lot of movies, keep up with certain television series, and play video games when I have the time.

5. I resolve to cuss out someone who insults me, making them feel really small and really stupid.

6. I resolve to waste a lot of time on the Internet, remaining oblivious to the fact that there are other, more productive, tasks that require my attention.

7. I resolve to drive on the highways like they are my highways, acting as though the rest of the drivers out there are merely borrowing my road space.

8. I resolve to forget birthdays, anniversaries, and other special occasions due to my own self-centered and narcissistic tendencies.

9. I resolve to spend more money than I should, buy more things than I need, and deplete my savings in the name of fun.

There... that's better.

Randomly Random Randomness (it's June)

So, now that the Anaheim Ducks are NHL champions, everyone is offering their suggestions concerning how to fix hockey's "problems." I was going to do the same, but I don't want to seem like a biter, so I'll wait a week or two.

I bought the book, Thermopylae. I guess 300 wasn't enough carnage for me.

My ankle is killing me. So are some of my toes. Don't ask.

The San Diego Padres are hanging on to first place... somehow.

The Silent Hill series of video games has always been pretty effective at scaring me. The Silent Hill movie was extremely effective at putting me to sleep.

Before anyone touts the "worst movie in the world," go rent Invincible (the one with Billy Zane, not Mark Wahlberg), because THAT is the worst movie in the world.

By the way, the secret to having a good "bad movie" night is to make sure that the movies you pick have at least one redeemable quality. But, hey, at least we had somebody who was good at mixing drinks (thanks, Zoe).

Long drives at night kick ass. Therapy in motion. Until you run over a raccoon, anyway.

I am most certainly moving again in 30 days. Where to is still a mystery, but I am most certainly moving again in 30 days.

I'm watching The Queen and I must reiterate something I've stated many times: Helen Mirren is hot.

Randomness on a Sunday Night

Well, the Bears beat the Saints and the Colts beat the Patriots today. I'm really glad the Patriots didn't win; not because they beat the Chargers last week, but because I know I would've gotten real sick of the press pushing the whole "Superbowl Rematch" angle. 1985, anybody?

They should relabel the press the "dead-horse-kickers."

People who write bad poetry need to be stopped. People who post their bad poetry online need to have their electricity turned off.

I found a new pastime to help accelerate the carpal tunnel syndrome that I know I will one day suffer from: Guitar Hero II. Damn you, PlayStation.

Does anybody remember that U2-esque song from the late 1980s, "Under the Milky Way," by the band The Church? Did anybody know that The Church is still an active band? Does anybody know that they absolutely rock? Of course not, you're all listening to Emo/Screamo crap.

Chris Daughtry of American Idol fame sang the National Anthem prior to the Bears-Saints game. He actually started crying. Good for him.

A 29-year-old posing as a 12-year-old tried to enroll in a school. He was living with two over-40 sex offenders. I don't know who got more sick over the situation, the school authorities when they discovered the age discrepancy, or the two sex offenders when they discovered they weren't having sex with a 12-year-old. And you all wonder why I call for Armageddon so often.

For those of you with HDTVs, please don't stretch the image if you don't have an HD tuner. Squat, fat characters on Prison Break and Grey's Anatomy do not make the shows better. Set the image to 4:3, and deal with the black bars on the sides. You're the same idiots who complained about watching movies in widescreen, despite actually seeing a "larger" image, and then complained about your full screen DVDs when you bought a widescreen televison. Yes, you are. Don't deny it.

David Beckham signed a contract for how much money to play soccer in the United States? Wait a second, they play soccer in the United States? Soy de los Estados Unidos! Why don't I know about these things?

Classy people don't go around advertising that they're classy. They just are. Modest people don't go around advertising that they're modest. They just are. Honorable people don't go around advertising that they're honorable. They just are.

I want to see Rocky Balboa and I'm not afraid to admit it.

Lindsay Lohan checked into rehab. And even though I liked Mean Girls, is there any chance that they could keep her there? That would, like, kick ass.

Professional photographers know how to light a shot. If you're letting a "professional" take pictures, and he or she isn't being anal about lighting, you're getting ripped off.

Apparently there's serious discussion that Leonardo DiCaprio is the best actor of his generation. Well, he's got my vote, although I'd throw up some other names into that debate.

Thank you, NFL Network, for airing the "Making the Squad" cheerleader documentaries against the playoff games. Switching to that sure beats watching commercials. And this was WITH Tivo. Cheerleaders rock, what can I say?

People on MySpace really need to check to see if they're "posting" bulletins. I'm very sick of my friends trying to sell me Playstations, penis enhancements, cheap vacations, and cheap women. For crying out loud, change your fucking password from time to time.

For those lucky enough to live near a Macaroni Grill, try their Italian Margarita. I'm not sure what the extra ingredient is that makes a margarita "Italian," but rest assured, I will find out and load my cupboards for some nice home consumption.

If Hillary Clinton somehow manages to win the Presidency, in 100 years, people will look back, see "Bush-Clinton-Bush-Clinton" on the list of Presidents, and realize that the 1990s and 2000s were a very confusing time for us.

I'm going to bed.