It's the End of the World As We Know It

... and I feel fine.

So, Barack Obama will be the 44th President of the United States. Good for him, and good for everyone who voted for him. Did I? In a rare case of revealing my political cards: no. But neither did I vote for McCain. To be honest, I didn't vote... I tried to, but between forgetting where I'm registered (I found multiple voter registration cards), then figuring it out only to realize my truck isn't running, I, well... no excuses.

I wasn't going to vote for President this year, anyway. I did have a vote for my state's governor and senator, but whatever.

Anyway, Obama's going to be sworn in next January. He is going to try to "change" a helluva a lot of things. But, make no mistake, most of those changes don't stand a chance in Hades of happening. In fact, outside of his economic plan, I really doubt we'll see much real change at all. Ironically, it will be his own party that prevents it.

Seriously, hear me out. Right or wrong, Obama will be put under the most powerful microscope ever put on a President simply because he is black. As a result, he will have to run a near-perfect ship. And that means not only keeping the people who voted for him happy, but making as many of the people who didn't at least not unhappy. I do not envy that man and the tightrope he will be walking.

No, I'm not really worried for this country as far as the election goes. Not yet, anyway. Guns will not be outlawed, the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq will not come to sudden stops, and corporations will still run rampant.

I am, however, worried for this country as far as Obama's military and paramilitary ideas go. He wants to shrink DoD's budget. Bad idea. The way he wants to do it will unavoidably result in a smaller military. Bad idea. And I'm still rather concerned over the comments he made earlier this year regarding a gendarme of the United States. Ridiculously foolish idea.

He may be better for the economy, but he is not better for the security of this country.

But, he won. Fair and square. I anxiously await to see how he does his job, as, I'm sure, you do. Maybe he'll be a great President, maybe he'll suck. I figure he'll be at least fairly competent, but will not enter the history books as one of America's great Presidents such as Washington, Lincoln, and both Roosevelts. He will only enter the history books as being the one to break the race barrier in American politics. And, presidential effectiveness aside, that's a good thing.

Do your job, sir. That's all anyone can ask. Except, of course, for the wholly un-American people who will no doubt claim they want to leave this country now that Obama is President. Funny how those wholly un-American people who claimed they were going to leave under Bush are now shouting out that they're some sort of patriots. Bullshit... real American patriots tough out the times they hate as much as they enjoy the times the love, and that includes tolerating the leaders they don't much care for.

It is definitely the end of the world as we know it, and, yes, I feel just fine.

Revelations

Given the nature of some conversations I've had with many of you lately, I've decided to reveal some things about myself. Of course, I'm going to maintain many of my so-called secrets, but the following are some of which I no longer deem "necessary for national security," if you follow my logic.

Yes, you know who you are, I was once in the CIA. I will reveal nothing else pertaining to that, so please quit asking.

I was once a devout Christian, and my vehemently agnostic point-of-view is a result of certain "indiscretions" forced upon me by members of my former church.

I've never lived in California. I only said that so non-Californians would think I was cool. Clearly, it didn't work.

I don't have a girlfriend because I'm a little gay.

I never actually quit smoking. I'm just better at hiding it now.

I don't pick up stray animals because I "feel sorry them." I pick up stray animals because they make a nice meal. Freshly killed meat always tastes better than butchered, processed, shipped, and stored meat. I only kept my last few animals because I had a suspicious girlfriend at the time. However, notice that I have four fewer cats than when I was still with said girlfriend.

My favorite movie is really Gone With the Wind, not Road to Perdition. And Scarlett O'Hara is my hero (although I'm still not a huge Vivien Leigh fan).

Ellen DeGeneres turns me on. Don't know why.

I feel that George Bush has been America's finest President since George Washington. He has brought America back to being the shining light of civilization.

If you're reading this, and you believe any of it, keep in mind that it's April Fools' Day, you fucking moron.