Revelations

Given the nature of some conversations I've had with many of you lately, I've decided to reveal some things about myself. Of course, I'm going to maintain many of my so-called secrets, but the following are some of which I no longer deem "necessary for national security," if you follow my logic.

Yes, you know who you are, I was once in the CIA. I will reveal nothing else pertaining to that, so please quit asking.

I was once a devout Christian, and my vehemently agnostic point-of-view is a result of certain "indiscretions" forced upon me by members of my former church.

I've never lived in California. I only said that so non-Californians would think I was cool. Clearly, it didn't work.

I don't have a girlfriend because I'm a little gay.

I never actually quit smoking. I'm just better at hiding it now.

I don't pick up stray animals because I "feel sorry them." I pick up stray animals because they make a nice meal. Freshly killed meat always tastes better than butchered, processed, shipped, and stored meat. I only kept my last few animals because I had a suspicious girlfriend at the time. However, notice that I have four fewer cats than when I was still with said girlfriend.

My favorite movie is really Gone With the Wind, not Road to Perdition. And Scarlett O'Hara is my hero (although I'm still not a huge Vivien Leigh fan).

Ellen DeGeneres turns me on. Don't know why.

I feel that George Bush has been America's finest President since George Washington. He has brought America back to being the shining light of civilization.

If you're reading this, and you believe any of it, keep in mind that it's April Fools' Day, you fucking moron.

Musings on the 79th Academy Awards

Another year, another round of awards, and next year to prepare for. The 79th Academy Awards are over and, I must say, I was pleasantly surprised. It was a good telecast, one of the best in recent memory, and well-hosted by Ellen DeGeneres. I'm not a huge Ellen fan, but she is definitely one of the higher-caliber Oscar hosts. A huge improvement over Steve Martin, David Letterman, Chris Rock, and Whoopi Goldberg. If Billy Crystal decides never to come back, I think she and Jon Stewart should take turns hosting.

Anyway, some musings...

Congratulations to Martin Scorsese. It's about time, dude. I remember watching Spielberg finally getting his due with Schindler's List, and while that moment was long in coming, Scorsese's was longer, and arguably more significant.

I had no clue that Clint Eastwood spoke Italian, although I should've guessed by all of those "Spaghetti Westerns" that he was in. Once again, I think I'm going to write him in for President.

Kudos to Al Gore for resisting the urge to be overtly political in his various speeches. I wouldn't vote for the guy, but I respect his movie and his inspiration for it. It also doesn't hurt that he's right.

Is it just me, or is Helen Mirren one of the sexiest women in the universe?

Was anybody else not surprised that Dreamgirls didn't win the Oscar for Best Song? Um, when you split your own vote three ways, you're going to lose. Duh.

Although it was really neat (I love that word, "neat"), those human silhouettes really should've been done all at once, and not spread throughout the show. Quite awkward, in my opinion.

When are the Oscar producers going to come to their senses and fire Chris Connelly? He sucked on MTV; he's even worse on the Academy Awards.

My favorite part of every Oscars telecast has always been the "In Memoriam" segment. Always has been, always will be. It's seemingly the only time Hollywood actually truly pays its respects.

For those keeping score:
Babel - 1
The Departed - 4
Dreamgirls - 2
Happy Feet - 1
An Inconvenient Truth - 2
The Last King of Scotland - 1
Letters from Iwo Jima - 1
Little Miss Sunshine - 2
Marie Antoinette - 1
El Laberinto Del Fauno (Pan's Labrynth) - 3
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest - 1
The Queen - 1

Until next year...