Flag Waving

*Sober warning: What you're about to read is, indeed, drunk rambling (I went through a phase a little while ago... sue me) and makes little sense, even to me. That stated, I left what was originally written (while editing typos and misspellings, of course) because it's kinda funny. Politics and religion should be avoided at all costs, right? And especially so when drinking.

By now most of you have heard about the ridiculous thing that happened at a California high school this past Cinco de Mayo. But, if you haven't, here's the gist: some teenagers got sent home for sporting clothing with the American flag on a day in which the student body was encouraged to sport clothing with the Mexican flag.

Yes, it was a ridiculous action for the Vice Principal of the school to take, but like all things controversial, there are two sides to every story. Please keep in mind that I'm drunk as I write this, don't really care what happened, and am merely musing on the topic. There will be jumps in logic here (as is standard for alcohol-influenced writing), but hopefully you can follow where I'm going with this.

1) Sending the kids home was stupid. Ridiculously so (yes, I realize I've already stated this). This does happen to be the United States of America and nobody, EVER, should be "punished" for displaying the flag (punished is in quotes because I don't particularly view being sent home from school as a punishment).
2) Encouraging American students (regardless of ethnicity) to wear foreign flags in celebration of a holiday that isn't actually a real holiday is pretty stupid in and of itself.

Okay, that's out of the way, and you can probably infer the problem I have with what happened. HOWEVER, it is important to discern why those students who wore the American flag did so. Again, nobody should ever be punished for doing so, but that doesn't mean we can't mock them. So... if these kids who were sent home happened to wear the American flag often, then there really was no reason to send them home. But... if these kids who were sent home happened to only wear the flag on Cinco de Mayo, then, well, there are questions that need to be asked. If the latter is the case (which I believe it to be), then they were clearly being defiant amid a celebration that they felt like being racist about. But, again, nobody should ever be punished for waving the American flag in the United States... ever.

I'm rambling. And I'm afraid my point will get lost amid the fog of Merlot. But I'll try anyway... Hell, this might be good for a laugh when I sober up.

And now I'm soliloquizing. I'm gonna have to do this point by point.

Despite everything I've already stated, there is no reason to deny a people the celebration of their heritage. None. Pride comes in strange forms, and while George Carlin had a point when he said that (and I'm paraphrasing) "there's no reason to be proud of what you were born into," people have a right to honor what they're proud of however they want to.

*Sober interjection: Okay, so the above sort of has some logic to it... loose, but understandable. What follows makes NO sense.

So where am I going with this? Flags, that's where. The problem with the Mexican flag is that it's the flag of Mexico. The nation. Not the people. And the problem with that is that we identify our ethnicities with the flags of our governments. And that IS the problem. I happen to be half-Japanese, but you'll be damned to ever see me waving a Japanese flag in the United States (and, by contrast, I wouldn't sport an American flag in Japan, either... unless I'm in uniform, of course).

So I propose that everyone create a flag for their ethnicity. Create a Mexican flag that is devoid of symbolism for Mexico. Do the same for America. Kazakhstan. Armenia. Germany. Where-the-fuck-ever. Fly that flag with pride. But if you're going to live in a sovereign nation, have some respect for that nation and realize that you are a citizen there.

I'm sure I haven't made any sense. But I'm gonna laugh about this when I read it again.

*Sober conclusion: Even I can't really determine what the last part is supposed to accomplish. Something about flags replacing flags in order to have flags that aren't real flags to prevent flag-tricide. Yeah... that's about as much sense as I can make of it. I'm sure it seemed like a good idea at the time of inebriation. Perhaps I'll read this at an AA meeting in a dozen years or so.

Long Overdue Useless Opinions

So, I'm having a grand old time in limbo... no, really, I actually am. No responsibilities (save the pets), fewer bills (along with less income, but who cares), and a general sense of "chill." I like "chill," particularly when it's in quotation marks. But I hate the cold... oh, do I hate the cold. Is that irony? I'm not entirely sure, but I'm of the opinion that it is not.

Ah, well.

I'm also having a grand old time redesigning this place, as some can tell. On December 7th (Pearl Harbor day here in the United States) I finally implemented that long-elusive 3-column format here. I could've cheated and simply uploaded a 3-column template from some website, but I like to do things myself. Of course, I had a bit of help finding the right html coding from my friend, Kate W., but I shall forever after fail to attribute any credit to her. In other words: forget what you just read and pretend I did it all myself.

Anyway, I've noticed that this place has evolved from a forum in which I ranted or raved about particular issues (as well as my life) into a exhibition of early drafts of some of my creative work. I'm not sure if it's going to stay that way, but it might, as I find myself almost completely bereft of interest in news and politics as of late. US budget crisis? Who cares? I've been in a budget crisis since 2003, and I'm still around. Universal Health Care? Who cares? I'm a veteran who receives disability from the government (although I do admit that I sorely need to visit a dentist). Um... what else is happening in the world? What? We have a black President???

Ahem... since I have "evolved" (love quotations... LOVE 'em), I'm going to go back to my roots and be superficially opinionated for the day. Without further amusement... whatever...

Onions
Hate 'em. But I eat 'em. And I actually kinda like 'em, so forget I said anything.

Football
American football, mind you; not that overrated European/South American phenomenon that moves way too slowly to be considered a sport. I was going somewhere with this, but I'm lost now...

Democrats
I have come to realize that the term is a contradiction. Democracy is defined as "a government in which the supreme power is vested in the people and exercised by them directly..." But here in the US, at least, Democrats are people who want the government to tell them what to do, how to do it, and then provide for it on top of that. Isn't that oligarchy? Ah, well, I don't really care.

Republicans
There used to be a John Wayne-influenced phenomenon among the right in the United States that "America is a Republic, not a democracy." Yeah, well, look up the definitions of the two... a democracy is, by definition, a Republic. Again, I don't really care, but I just had to point that out.

Daily Cartoons
The sole reason that Saturdays are no longer worshiped by young children anymore. Nickelodeon, you are the Devil!

The Devil
Not real. Enough said. Moving on.

Garlic
I do hate garlic, but I like using garlic powder in the rare instances that involve me cooking something. And I like garlic when prepared by someone who knows what they're doing. So I just contradicted myself again. Big whoop, I do it all the time.

Xhe
I find it odd when I see people using this word. And, yes, there are people using this word. If you have no idea what I'm referring to, read this: He and She Presents: Xhe!

Ninjas
Ninjas are cool. One on one, there is no pirate who can defeat a ninja. However, there are few (if any) ninjas who know how to sail and assault other ships. So, at sea, pirates ARE the ninjas. Anyway, it's a sad state of Japanese cultural affairs when one visits a "ninja school" in Japan and sees nothing but nerdy white guys who essentially make up their own rules of what constitutes ninjitsu and call themselves ninja.

No, that is not a joke. This is what has really happened. It's very disturbing.

Soccer
Or, "association football," is not as cool as American football. So there.

Hockey
Remains the coolest sport to watch.

Sleep
An excellent activity. And it might be calling...

American Independence

When great minds gather, things change. Academic and intellectual rebellion is a given. The status quo starts to bend. The pen, they say, is mightier than the sword, but without the gun, America does not stand. With the gun, the status quo breaks.

Names forever burned in history. The great luminaries, John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, speaking words that will echo for as long as mankind is capable of thought. The great diplomats, Benjamin Franklin and John Jay, whose success at enlisting French and Spanish aid lent credence to American ideals as international enterprises. The father of the Constitution, James Madison, whose ability to think beyond himself led to a governing document replete with both conservative and liberal values. The great soldiers, George Washington and Alexander Hamilton, who knew that without armies of men willing to die, the hopes and dreams of an infant nation would amount to little more than a stillbirth.

This great experiment, this persistent drama of the world's stage, Act I in humanity's next great play. Fostered not just of American thought, but of French, of Dutch, Spanish, Polish, and Prussian. Even British. Philosophies of Locke and Rousseau come to life, philosophical seeds watered with the blood of the Patriot, the militia, and the regular. Revolutionary, yes, and Civil. The very definition of American. A Republic from a monarchy, a Congress from a Parliament. Great minds capable of governing themselves.

"... and in this, I think I speak the sentiments of America."

Thousands of names forgotten, or simply unlearned. John Hancock is little more than a signature, Sam Adams little more than a beer, Ethan Allen little more than a chair. Richard Henry Lee, Samuel Huntington, Nathanael Greene, and 25,000 of those who chose to take up arms. What did they fail to do in order to be remembered with the names of others?

This great experiment, borne of war in April of 1775. The first wading step into the Rubicon. A swimming thought unsure where to make landfall. The bold John Paul Jones sailing to England itself. Montgomery's charge into Canada. Great feats propelling and propelled by the ramblings of thoughtful men in Philadelphia, Lancaster, and York. An unlikelihood in Saratoga creating waves in Paris. This great experiment, "in the way you shall think most proper," and "the shot heard 'round the world."

When in the course of human events, after all. Liberty is not free. It requires a pen and a gun. Let us hope the pen remains loud and the gun remains silent.

Merry Holidays and Happy Christmas

It's December, and the "wholly-oppressive" holiday of Christmas is once again upon us. No, really. Christmas is oppressive. Just ask the Jews, Muslims, and (insert label for Kwanzaa-celebrants here) how advertisements for "Christmas presents" and "Christmas trees" are slaps-in-faces of their proverbial religions.

Um, yeah...

It is true that Christmas, in its "pure" (and I hate to use that term) form is primarily a Christian holiday, but it is equally true that Christmas, in its progressive American form, was well on its way to becoming a simple non-secular way of celebrating one's family and friends in the twilight of yet another year gone by.

In fact, I'd have been willing to bet that in another few decades, Christmas in America would pretty much damn near entirely been celebrated as, what I'd like to term, an "agnostic holiday."

But then, as often does when an ACLU-type attitude goes horribly wrong, those "free religious practitioners" of other similarly-timed religious holidays decided to politicize the matter, devolving the holiday into what seems to be a vehement Christian defense of Jesus' purported birthday (which, hate to break it to you, it is most certainly not Jesus' birthday).

No, I'm not criticizing religion. Hell, I'm not even criticizing the ACLU. What I am criticizing are people's attitudes that "my beliefs are more important than your beliefs" to the point where they are essentially saying, "I don't care if I am an American; I'm a different, and better, type of American than you."

And I fucking hate that.

I wrote a similar piece two years ago, and instead of wasting time on a retread, you can go read it here.

But, the thesis remains the same. Christmas, for a while, was much more an "American" holiday than it was a Christian holiday. And, as an American (albeit an agnostic one), I completely preferred it that way. I never took any offense to someone wishing me a Merry Christmas, just like I never took any offense to someone wishing me a Happy Hanukkah (or Chanukah... depending on whether you prefer Anglicization or not). In fact, I thought it was totally cool that people just sort of got into the spirit, and left the religo-specific labels for their own living rooms.

But, no, "political correctness" had to fuck things up and foment yet another fundamental divide between people for no other reason than to foment another fundamental divide.

It's Christmas, people... a time to get along, be happy, and support one another, regardless of personal beliefs. Not only that, it's American Christmas, which many (if not most) were associating with Jesus less and less every year.

And it's a sad irony that "Christmas opponents" are reversing that trend.

We've all seen what fundamentalism can do to the world. With a few glaring and horrifying exceptions, America has largely been a moderate country, with moderate cultures and moderate beliefs. And, for most of the past 236 years, it's paid off rather well.

So why are we bringing fundamentalist "fuck the other guy" attitudes into our giving season?

Idiots.

Where is My America?

America is my home. And I love this place. Sure, there are hiccups in its growth; there always have been and there always will be. That will never change. But the America I see on television and read about in magazines and newspapers is not "my" America. "My" America doesn't seem to exist at the moment, and I'm wondering like Hell just where the fuck it went.

America is an agnostic country. It was set up that way by our Founding Fathers who, though largely Christian, knew that a nation's survival in the future would rely on its ability to be open to all beliefs and philosophies. Don't believe me? Read the Constitution. Find me a reference to the Christian God. And while you're doing so, don't forget to read the passage that states "... no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States." It's in Article VI in case you don't know.

You see, our Founding Fathers didn't want us fighting over religious viewpoints. Why bother, after all? People will believe what they're going to believe. Jefferson and Adams knew there would be enough fighting over pure politics, why bring religion into the mix?

But that America doesn't exist.

Where is my America that banded together for almost 5 years in order to rid the world of the oppressive and dehumanizing regimes of the Germans and the Japanese? Of course there were dissenting opinions, but we were almost completely unified in that cause. Why? Because it was right.

Where is my America that watched in awe as the space race took to the stars? Sure, there were people too poor to follow it on television. Sure, there were people too uneducated to really know what it was all about. But find me someone who was alive back then who didn't at least know it was happening... or who wasn't proud about it. Were were practically unified in that cause. Why? Because we were the greatest nation on Earth and we could do it.

Where is that America? Where is the America who bonded together to support a single cause so clearly right that, regardless of political, social, and religious differences, we had no choice but to support it? Where is the America who bonded together to cheer on human achievement so clearly great that, regardless of background, we couldn't help but realize we were chasing greatness?

Are you gone, America? Are you so distraught at all of the new artificial divisions created by associations, groups, unions, and societies that the next great movement will go unnoticed? Are your people so selfish that individual has moved above country on the ladder of importance? Have you lost the ability to handle your so-called melting pot?

Where are you?

I think you're still there, somewhere. Of course you're there. You're just waiting for the religious, cultural, and social in-fighting to stop long enough to show your true colors again.

You're not worried about the political fight. America was founded on political fighting. The aforementioned Jefferson and Adams disagreed on everything political, yet lived and died the best of friends. I only hope you didn't die with them.

And I know you didn't. Your eagle still flies; it's just looking for a safe place to land. But it won't find it until there's another cause, another chase, that will unify your people long enough to remind them that America is great only because its people can be great.

Too bad they're too busy fighting each other to notice your wings are getting tired.

America’s White Elephants: China and Islam

America. Arguably the greatest country with the greatest political system on Earth. Arguably the proud owners of the most powerful military on Earth. Arguably the world's economic leader. Arguably... well, arguable.

America, since the turn of the 20th Century, has inarguably been THE world power. Our involvement practically dictated the outcome of two world wars, drew the lines (and fought over a few) in the Cold War, and created an economic disparity that the rest of the world envied. For better or worse, this is the legacy of our country.

Until fairly recently, one thing America lacked was fear. We weren't really afraid of the great Red Soviet world takeover (sure, enough to cause some personal bomb shelters to be built, but that's another story). We weren't afraid to travel to remote and near-alien parts of the world. We spout religious freedom, and weren't afraid to experience the religions of others. We were, after all, on top of the world in every way, shape, or idea imaginable.

That was then; this is now.

Not only do we now live with the subtle fear of being victims of terrorism, our spot on the top of the world is in grave danger of being usurped. The game of king-of-the-mountain we have been playing since the Great Depression may truly be lost to a former enemy and former ally.

We all know who I'm referring to when discussing the fear of terrorism: Muslim extremists. Due to our good fortune this past 100 years (cause of jealousy), our place as the sole remaining super power (cause of jealousy), and our innate and government-granted right of freedom of speech, religion, and dress (cause of anger), we have been targeted by a group of people (the worldly "have-nots") who, with no other enemy to fight, feels like fighting us.

And we're afraid. They destroyed two American icons, as well as several smaller American properties and symbols.

Did we react angrily and whoop some ass? Yes, we did. But, again, all that is changing. We have become afraid, and, as with most American wars, we have become tired.

We have become so afraid that most of the American press refused to print those European "Mohammed" cartoons that incited several riots in the Muslim world. Freedom of press? Right... more like fear of Islam. More specifically: fear of Islam in America.

You see, most Muslims here in the USA would definitely have complained about Mohammed being depicted as such (and rightly so... it is, after all, their religious belief). The problem I have with that is not their reaction, but the inarguable fact that they have chosen to live in this country. The USA. The one country on the face of the planet where anyone can SAY WHAT THEY WANT TO SAY and poke fun at anything they want to poke fun at.

Maybe it wouldn't bother me so much if the Muslims of the United States were as vocal when the press or the entertainment industy pokes fun at, say, Jesus or Buddha. But they largely remain quiet, only defending their own so-called right to defend their Prophet.

To that I say: fuck off. Deal with our country or leave. And before any Muslims reading this get too offended, I say that with ANYBODY who feels they have some sort of privileged right over anybody else's political or religious leanings (which includes Christians who rally against Jesus cartoons, but remain quiet and/or supportive of Mohammed cartoons). Again: fuck off.

And then there's China. The largest country, population-wise, in the world. Nearly 1 in 6 people on this planet is a Chinese citizen. 1 in 6. That's quite a ratio. Over 1 billion Chinese to barely 250 million Americans.

And they are primed to take over the world.

China, despite being officially communist, is quite possibly the most successful capitalist country in this young century. Their GNP has skyrocketed. Their industrial output has skyrocketed. And, even more fearfully, their military is modernizing at a rapid rate.

It appears, in my eyes, that China wants a fight with the United States. Maybe not an overt military fight, but definitely an economic one. And, if they can figure out a way to keep their growing-too-fast economy from collapsing from underneath them, they will win.

We turned our back on Taiwan when Nixon went to China and formally recognized them as the official Chinese government. If we turn our back on China now and allow them to outpace us militarily and economically, we will no longer be king of the mountain.

But, somehow, I fear that most of you reading this don't really give a damn because you're too worried that your shoes don't match your belt or that you're running out of money for college (and won't consider a stint in the military to both help pay for school and serve your country) or that your favorite sports team or celebrity just ran into a bit of bad luck.

After all, those Great White Elephants snuck into the room somehow.

An Agnostic Form of Government

Keith Ellison, the first Muslim elected to the U.S. Congress, was sworn in yesterday. As a Muslim, he chose not to swear in on the Bible, but on the Qur'an. And not just any Qur'an, mind you, but Thomas Jefferson's personal copy of it. Of course, now that this has happened, Virgil Goode is probably going to convince his constituents that Thomas Jefferson should be dug up and impeached.

The fact that there was even a controversy as to what book an elected representative could or could not swear in upon is not a good sign of the times. We are a country founded on religious freedom. Founded. This was not some post-modern semi-liberal concept that came from the struggle for civil rights or from a pot-smoking sax-playing former President. We were founded on the concept. Freedom for all, regardless of religious persuasion.

Given that, what difference does it make if Mr. Ellison swore in on the Qur'an, the Torah, the Bhagavad Gita, or, why not, the Kama Sutra? Given that, it shouldn't make any difference. Why would you want a public servant to swear on a book that represents something other than his or her beliefs, anyway? Doesn't that sort of negate the whole concept of swearing?

Still, there are those, including myself, that feel that we shouldn't use any type of holy scripture as a pretext to government service. I understand the traditions behind it, and I have no fundamental problem with it, but we are, or should be, an agnostic form of government, and should operate as such.

There's an easy solution, I think, to the holy book problem. One that is as nationalistic as it is appropriate. Why don't we swear our public officials in on a copy of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence? Our public officials are not elected to serve any one god, or gods, they are elected to serve us, the people, this country. We have two documents that represent the very fabric of this nation. Two documents that are, fundamentally and philosophically, the very fabric of this nation. By swearing our officials in on those two documents, we ensure that they are swearing in to serve us, to serve the United States of America. Not the Christian States of America, not the Islamic States of America, not the Taoist States of America, but the UNITED States of America. And if there were ever an elected official that refused to swear in on those two documents, I'm pretty sure there wouldn't be many people opposed to taking their office away from them.

And, while we're at it, what's wrong with taking "under God" out of the Pledge of Allegiance? It really doesn't bother me that those words are in it, but come on, now. "One Nation, Indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for All" sounds just fine to me.

We are, or should be, an agnostic form of government.

Pointless Musings

What would we make toilet paper out of if there weren't any trees?

The O.C. has been cancelled. There are brains in Hollywood. Now if only we could get rid of One Tree Hill.

A 12-year-old special education student was charged with disorderly conduct after wetting her pants. Wow. I'd be serving a life sentence if I were charged every time I pissed myself. Okay, that's not true... it'd be a double.

I just saw a question on the Internet. Basically, who would you rather invite to a party: Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson, or Lindsay Lohan? I'd have to say Paris Hilton, because she looks the easiest to knock out when she gets annoying.

Eli Manning's team record in the regular season since he joined the NFL is now a whopping 25-23. The Chargers? A measly 35-13.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas, everybody. And I mean that sincerely. I'm even wishing Merry Christmas to all you jerks that don't subscribe to Christmas. That's right, for everyone that celebrates the older Hanukkah and the completely arbitrary Kwanzaa, I'm wishing you a Merry Christmas, too.

I am, as most of you know, as agnostic as a person can get. I don't know which religion is right, I don't know what happens when one dies, and I don't know if there is a God, gods, or just a big bang followed by an assload of evolution. Christmas, to me, is simply a time for family, a time for loving your fellow man in that cliché way, and a time for giving and receiving. That's what it means to me, and you know what? That's a great meaning, if I do say so myself.

I understand the Christian connotation of the holiday, but I also understand the historical pagan significance of it, as well. The nativity scenes don't bother me, Christmas carols don't bother me, and I absolutely fucking love Christmas trees covered in snow. That being said, I respect Hanukkah and what it stands for. In fact, I respect every other religious and pseudo-religious holiday that happens around this time of year. And even though it's a completely arbitrary, faceted, 20th Century anti-establishment invention, I even hold some respect for Kwanzaa. I mean, shit, anything that celebrates Peace on Earth in one form or another is worthy of respect, right?

But what's really starting to irritate me are all the idiotic, ignorant, and self-important assholes that are trying to pigeon-hole Christmas as a holiday that the "white Christian" is trying to "hold down the man" with. Seriously, shut the fuck up.

You hear about the rabbi who complained about the Christmas trees in the Seattle airport? Well, his complaint got the trees removed. Way to go (although, he does have a legitimate point... one I have no problem with, but his dumb ass threated to sue), dickhead. You hear about the person that was so worried about being politically correct that a Christmas choir was ordered to stop caroling because Sasha Cohen, a half Jew who happens to appreciate Christmas, was in the area? Holy fucking cow. ENOUGH ALREADY.

Screw "Happy Holidays." It's "Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah."

Yes, it's true that America was founded on what were basically Christian ideals for a "promised land," but they were ideals that recognized the need for what is essentially an agnostic form of government. Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, and all the others ultimately knew that peace in the new land would never be accomplished without peace between the religions. That's kind of why the United States doesn't have a state-sponsored religion. It just so happened that most of the inhabitants here (American Indians notwithstanding) were Christian. So, obviously, Christmas took the lead as the primary winter holiday.

But guess what? Over the years, Christmas in America was altered by capitalism and the ever-growing "melting pot" that was the American populace and has become, more than any devout Christian is probably willing to admit, a non-denominational holiday. It is, in this country, celebrated less as the supposed birthday of Jesus Christ, and celebrated more as a time for the (loose definition here) "spirit of Christmas." You know, that fat guy in the red suit with the reindeer on drugs? Last I checked, Santa wasn't in the Bible, and just ask the boys of South Park who would win in a duel, Santa or Jesus.

It's time we looked beyond the religion and alleged ethno-centricity of Christmas, and let the American spirit of Christmas take hold. We're one country, one people, and we deserve to celebrate the end of the year without a bunch of assholes trying to destroy the one thing that lets us love each other without feeling embarrassed about it.

Jerks.