Battlestar Enterprise, Part V

Well, as the night game between the New York Giants and the Philadelphia Eagles ran a bit late, I was remiss in my preparation to write something new (ironically, I was going with sports-related), so I'm resorting to posting another edition of Battlestar Enterprise. For those who hate these, don't fret; there's only one more after this one!

• Battlestar Enterprise, Part I
• Battlestar Enterprise, Part II
• Battlestar Enterprise, Part III
• Battlestar Enterprise, Part IV

Part V originally posted April 14, 2009

***

David blinked his eyes. He couldn't see anything but bright, white light. He was still in his Viper, but She-Boomer's Raptor was nowhere to be found. Silly him... why did he get so close to the anomaly? After all, it's the Raptor that is equipped with the necessary sensors to properly analyze it. All the Viper can do is identify friend or foe and shoot at the damned thing. Eh, it was probably the scientist in him. Why, oh, why, didn't his dad let him be a Raptor flight officer? Probably because that would've made too much sense for such a muddled continuity.

A shape appeared. Another viper. This one seemed different somehow. It looked brand new. As it drifted closer to him, he could make out a pilot in its cockpit. Blond hair. Way out of her acting depth. StarSheBuck? Wasn't she still on Galactiprise?

***

StarSheBuck ran down the corridors of Galactica, er, Enterprise. Ah, fuck it, we'll just stick with Galactiprise and ret-con shit right now. Anyway, StarSheBuck ran down the corridors of Galactiprise, listening to the music in her intergalactic iPod. The beat of the music matched the beat of her cadence, and she was sublimely aware that the music was guiding her around the ship. Of course, she had no idea that she forgot her iPod in her room and was listening to a random paranormal signal being transmitted directly to her brain by the Imperious Leader of folk rock, Dylan Hendrix Baltar. He did, after all, want to fuck the shit out of her. What better way to do that than convince a woman that she's a messenger from Zeus?

"There must be some kind of way out here," she said, slowing to a quick walk.

A nearby marine was rummaging through an unattended backpack, probably trying to steal some cigarettes. He looked up at StarSheBuck, a slightly confused look on his face. "Pilot quarters are aft, two decks down."

"I know where the pilot quarters are, Jarhead. I fucking live there." StarSheBuck rarely had time for significant conversation, or even a thank you.

"What are you, some kind of joker?" The marine did not look amused.

StarSheBuck picked up her gait, suddenly aware what the marine was doing. "What are you, some kind of thief?"

This is all too confusing.

***

David keyed his radio, not entirely expecting an answer. "StarSheBuck? Kara, is that you?"

"Who the fuck do you think it is, you fucking pansy." It was not a question.

Satisfied that was really StarSheBuck, I mean, really, who else but the real StarSheBuck would talk like that, David waved at her. "What's all this white light?"

A strange voice cackled over the speaker. It was He-Boomer. "Oh, you gotta go there 'n shit. White light, my ass. Fuck you honkey bitches."

StarSheBuck and David looked at each other, wondered for a moment what the Hell, er, Hades, er, Underworld that communication was. They stared into each other's eyes. David noticed his groin was getting a bit tight. He was going to profess his undying love for StarSheBuck when she started laughing.

"What's funny? We're lost, She-Boomer's gone, and I have to pee."

StarSheBuck rolled her eyes. "You're an idiot."

David got defensive. "How is it my fault vipers don't have bathrooms? Fuck, Raptors have bathrooms."

"I've been to Earth, David. And I'm going to take us there."

What? Now David was really confused. What the fuck is Earth? And which one? And does it have pigeons?

***