Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Sissy Drinks

I was informed today that I like "sissy drinks." And while this is undoubtedly true, as I am a sissy, I got to thinking... what exactly constitutes a sissy drink?

Let's examine.

The drink that prompted the sissy drink reference is a margarita. Now, despite having a sissy name, a margarita usually consists of tequila, lime, and triple sec. Lime goes with Corona, so that can't be the culprit (although Corona is sometimes referred to as a sissy beer). Triple sec is the flavor-kicker, so that is kinda "sissy." And tequila, well, there's no way in Hell anyone can label tequila a sissy component.

Then again, tequila makes Tequila Sunrises, so my logic is flawed.

Fine, margaritas are sissy drinks, but what else?

I'm also a huge Collins fan. Specifically, the traditional Tom variant of Mr. Collins. Despite the fact that the previous statement sounds a little queer, Tom Collins packs quite a kick and most certainly can't be considered a sissy drink, can it? Well, in a Tom Collins is gin, lemon, soda or seltzer, and maybe a little sugar (people who mix these well rock. I, unfortunately, have to buy Collins mix at the grocery store). Lemon is, admittedly, a bit more sissy than lime, soda/seltzer is definitely sissy, and gin, well... I'd say James Bond drinks martinis, but those are vodka martinis, so I can't use the personification of "dude" to back me up on this one.

Fine, I like another sissy drink.

What about a screwdriver? Vodka? Orange juice? You're right, that screams sissy all the way. I'm losing this argument, aren't I?

I got it... Rum and Coke! Ah ha! There's no way that's sissy. Wait, I don't stomach dark rum too well, so my Rum and Cokes are usually made (badly) with light rum, which is definitely a sissy thing to do. Fuck me.

Yep, my friend is right... I like sissy drinks.

I think I'll have another.


Anonymous said...

I've found that the people who usually proclaim that think that anything short of 180 proof alcohol straight from the still they have hidden out in the barn is a "sissy drink."
...Or the ones who drink a bottle of Everclear in one gulp and need medical help to keep from dying. Take your pick.

I say, drink what you want and who gives a flying f*ck what others think about it. If they disapprove, they can buy their own drink and shove off.

Personally, I tried a margarita in Cancun, and couldn't stand it.

Posted by Geoffry on January 24, 2007 - Wednesday - 8:42 AM

Anonymous said...

The key to your whole argument - which should have ended with this line - is that you ARE, in fact, a sissy.

Posted by Jessica Lynn on January 24, 2007 - Wednesday - 9:00 AM

Anonymous said...

Reminds me of when I was a bartender and this swell guy comes in and says, "Hey, baby, how about a blowjob for my friend?" So I dutifully and perfectly prepared the BJ (with loads of whipped cream) and placed it in front of the friend. "Dude wants to give you a blowjob," I said, "I hope you enjoy it!" Lesson for guys: Don't order BJs in a bar unless you are full-out gay, in which case, of course, it is perfectly acceptable.

I also must weigh in, as a former bartender, on the sissy drink thing. It is my experience that sissy drink consumption is more prevalent among inexperienced drinkers that may or may not be "sissies" outside of the bar. When I did drink, I loved double Jack and Coke, a typical man drink, because it was straightforward--just enough carbonation to push the JD quickly into the bloodstream, kind of like an IV. Now, when I go out, I enjoy a delicious concoction of pineapple and grapefruit juices, with no alcohol. The bitterness satisfies my decades-long memory of Salty Dogs (sissy or not?) while the pineapple indulges my frou-frou side. The absence of alcohol ensures that I stay in control, which at my age, is what's up.

Posted by Pepper on January 24, 2007 - Wednesday - 11:10 AM

Anonymous said...

Like i always say, "To each his own..."

So if you like having the alcoholic tolerance of a freshman in high school, then drink up!!!

As for me, bring me another shot of Jose.

Posted by God on January 25, 2007 - Thursday - 3:45 PM

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...