It was an accident, I assure you. Okay, not really an accident, more like a drunken discovery that happened due to a drunken thought that was more or less purposeful. In other words, a sober observer might claim it was an accident, but a drunk one would've been like, "Hell, yeah!"
Merlot. Followed by coffee. Is awesome.
Yes. It is.
Okay, so all of those aren't complete sentences (actually, one is... extra points if you know which one...)(sad that many won't know which one is, isn't it?), but the point is valid: a glass (or glasses) of Merlot followed by a cup (or cups) of coffee tastes rather awesome.
I've been touting the combination for a while now, and several of my friends react rather, well, poorly. But I assure you, it tastes great! I don't know why. I don't even care. I just know that now that I'm in the process of eliminating alcohol from my diet completely (sort of), Merlot and coffee has become a pretty fun staple of a lonely night.
Yes, I'm lonely. Seduce me, someone!
Er... forget I said that.
By the way, I'm currently imbibing in coffee after having imbibed in 750 ml of Merlot, so if I fail to make much sense, you know the reason!
By the way (again), I'm not really fond of the exclamation point in writing, though I do recognize its usefulness.
Back to the point: if you find yourself enjoying a glass (or glasses) of Merlot, follow it (or them) up with a cup (or cups) of coffee. You will, I assure you, be pleasantly surprised. Even if you think it sounds disgusting (yeah, you know who you are!).
It's great!
Oh, and if you're wondering why I didn't just call this "Merlot and Coffee" (and added "The Drinks"), it's because I realized I want to save the title for a creative writing piece.
Drink up, bastards!
Showing posts with label drinks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label drinks. Show all posts
Monday, May 24, 2010
Friday, August 21, 2009
Yeah, Well, Why Not?
On Drinking
So, apparently I need to lighten up (not to mention sober up). Why I've developed an addiction to cheap Merlot recently is beyond me... probably has something to do with not getting hangovers from it. I mean, shit, I quit smoking (not a single cigarette since July 18) so I should be allowed one vice before I have to give them all up, no?
And I've decided that beer sucks. Yeah, there are some microbrews that are good, but mass-marketed beer sucks. Tom Collins and Merlot only from now on. Oh, and some Spumante (funny story behind that one... tell it later).
On Writing and Editing
People out there are starting to realize I'm a dick when it comes to writing and editing. Well, sue me. I work as a professional reader and publish the occasional critical analysis. Hate to sound arrogant, but when I suggest something (or point something out), it's with good reason. If you're not in the game to be published, just ignore this. But if you are... get used to dickheads like me. We're always looking for reasons to throw your work away, you can believe that. Yet we so very much want to love what we're being paid to read.
And, no, I don't think I'm God's gift to writing... far from. My talent is well below those of many writers I've worked with or continue to work with (Michael, you reading this??? Get off your ass and submit some shit!). I'm just here to be a curmudgeon. I like being a curmudgeon.
On Hair
Most of you know by now that I cut my hair yesterday. Pictures of what went down are on the Internet, and despite the fact that that I despise photos of myself, I'm going to "lighten up" and send you to the blogger who decided to expose me. She's a hag, but here it is: Not For Jellyfish: He Who Refuses To Be Named's Shear Insanity.
I miss my hair. And even though there have been many, many reassurances to the contrary, I think my new hair looks like crap. Another reason why I prefer blunt to polite... can't ever tell when someone's being honest.
Ah, well...
On the Army
Seriously, I was bored. And, yes, I really do want to rejoin; necessity has little to do with it. Can't quite put my finger on it, but there's definitely a need for change combined with a sense of things left unfinished combined with proving to myself that I can still do it.
There are, that I can think of, only two reasons that I considered not going back... the first reason is my pets. The separation should be temporary, but I'll miss them dearly just the same. The second reason is more... obscure... and my close friends know what that's about. Hell, clever readers here can probably piece it together... I have been a bit obvious about it, I suppose. How unlike me.
Yeah, I'm weird. And I've never said I wasn't crazy.
More On Writing
To answer a surprisingly common question: Yes, I can continue to post stuff while I'm in the Army. If a few months pass without a post, I'm probably dead. Or in prison. But probably dead.
How's that for ending on a high note?
Hooah!
So, apparently I need to lighten up (not to mention sober up). Why I've developed an addiction to cheap Merlot recently is beyond me... probably has something to do with not getting hangovers from it. I mean, shit, I quit smoking (not a single cigarette since July 18) so I should be allowed one vice before I have to give them all up, no?
And I've decided that beer sucks. Yeah, there are some microbrews that are good, but mass-marketed beer sucks. Tom Collins and Merlot only from now on. Oh, and some Spumante (funny story behind that one... tell it later).
On Writing and Editing
People out there are starting to realize I'm a dick when it comes to writing and editing. Well, sue me. I work as a professional reader and publish the occasional critical analysis. Hate to sound arrogant, but when I suggest something (or point something out), it's with good reason. If you're not in the game to be published, just ignore this. But if you are... get used to dickheads like me. We're always looking for reasons to throw your work away, you can believe that. Yet we so very much want to love what we're being paid to read.
And, no, I don't think I'm God's gift to writing... far from. My talent is well below those of many writers I've worked with or continue to work with (Michael, you reading this??? Get off your ass and submit some shit!). I'm just here to be a curmudgeon. I like being a curmudgeon.
On Hair
Most of you know by now that I cut my hair yesterday. Pictures of what went down are on the Internet, and despite the fact that that I despise photos of myself, I'm going to "lighten up" and send you to the blogger who decided to expose me. She's a hag, but here it is: Not For Jellyfish: He Who Refuses To Be Named's Shear Insanity.
I miss my hair. And even though there have been many, many reassurances to the contrary, I think my new hair looks like crap. Another reason why I prefer blunt to polite... can't ever tell when someone's being honest.
Ah, well...
On the Army
Seriously, I was bored. And, yes, I really do want to rejoin; necessity has little to do with it. Can't quite put my finger on it, but there's definitely a need for change combined with a sense of things left unfinished combined with proving to myself that I can still do it.
There are, that I can think of, only two reasons that I considered not going back... the first reason is my pets. The separation should be temporary, but I'll miss them dearly just the same. The second reason is more... obscure... and my close friends know what that's about. Hell, clever readers here can probably piece it together... I have been a bit obvious about it, I suppose. How unlike me.
Yeah, I'm weird. And I've never said I wasn't crazy.
More On Writing
To answer a surprisingly common question: Yes, I can continue to post stuff while I'm in the Army. If a few months pass without a post, I'm probably dead. Or in prison. But probably dead.
How's that for ending on a high note?
Hooah!
Monday, February 12, 2007
Things You Should Remember When...
... Waking Up in the Morning After a Night of Drinking
The name of the person you're sleeping next to.
To put on slippers, in case you overslept and the dog couldn't hold it.
The toilet is usually oval shaped, the trashcan rectangular.
... Having Sex During a Night of Drinking
The name of the person you're sleeping with.
To put on slippers, in case you realize how ugly the person you're sleeping with is and need to leave in a hurry.
The toilet is in the bathroom, that soft thing you're on is the bed (or the person you're sleeping with).
... Preparing for a Night of Drinking
The name of the person you're planning on sleeping with.
To put on slippers, in case... well, no, now that just doesn't make sense.
The toilet. It could wind up being your best friend.
The name of the person you're sleeping next to.
To put on slippers, in case you overslept and the dog couldn't hold it.
The toilet is usually oval shaped, the trashcan rectangular.
... Having Sex During a Night of Drinking
The name of the person you're sleeping with.
To put on slippers, in case you realize how ugly the person you're sleeping with is and need to leave in a hurry.
The toilet is in the bathroom, that soft thing you're on is the bed (or the person you're sleeping with).
... Preparing for a Night of Drinking
The name of the person you're planning on sleeping with.
To put on slippers, in case... well, no, now that just doesn't make sense.
The toilet. It could wind up being your best friend.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Sissy Drinks
I was informed today that I like "sissy drinks." And while this is undoubtedly true, as I am a sissy, I got to thinking... what exactly constitutes a sissy drink?
Let's examine.
The drink that prompted the sissy drink reference is a margarita. Now, despite having a sissy name, a margarita usually consists of tequila, lime, and triple sec. Lime goes with Corona, so that can't be the culprit (although Corona is sometimes referred to as a sissy beer). Triple sec is the flavor-kicker, so that is kinda "sissy." And tequila, well, there's no way in Hell anyone can label tequila a sissy component.
Then again, tequila makes Tequila Sunrises, so my logic is flawed.
Fine, margaritas are sissy drinks, but what else?
I'm also a huge Collins fan. Specifically, the traditional Tom variant of Mr. Collins. Despite the fact that the previous statement sounds a little queer, Tom Collins packs quite a kick and most certainly can't be considered a sissy drink, can it? Well, in a Tom Collins is gin, lemon, soda or seltzer, and maybe a little sugar (people who mix these well rock. I, unfortunately, have to buy Collins mix at the grocery store). Lemon is, admittedly, a bit more sissy than lime, soda/seltzer is definitely sissy, and gin, well... I'd say James Bond drinks martinis, but those are vodka martinis, so I can't use the personification of "dude" to back me up on this one.
Fine, I like another sissy drink.
What about a screwdriver? Vodka? Orange juice? You're right, that screams sissy all the way. I'm losing this argument, aren't I?
I got it... Rum and Coke! Ah ha! There's no way that's sissy. Wait, I don't stomach dark rum too well, so my Rum and Cokes are usually made (badly) with light rum, which is definitely a sissy thing to do. Fuck me.
Yep, my friend is right... I like sissy drinks.
I think I'll have another.
Let's examine.
The drink that prompted the sissy drink reference is a margarita. Now, despite having a sissy name, a margarita usually consists of tequila, lime, and triple sec. Lime goes with Corona, so that can't be the culprit (although Corona is sometimes referred to as a sissy beer). Triple sec is the flavor-kicker, so that is kinda "sissy." And tequila, well, there's no way in Hell anyone can label tequila a sissy component.
Then again, tequila makes Tequila Sunrises, so my logic is flawed.
Fine, margaritas are sissy drinks, but what else?
I'm also a huge Collins fan. Specifically, the traditional Tom variant of Mr. Collins. Despite the fact that the previous statement sounds a little queer, Tom Collins packs quite a kick and most certainly can't be considered a sissy drink, can it? Well, in a Tom Collins is gin, lemon, soda or seltzer, and maybe a little sugar (people who mix these well rock. I, unfortunately, have to buy Collins mix at the grocery store). Lemon is, admittedly, a bit more sissy than lime, soda/seltzer is definitely sissy, and gin, well... I'd say James Bond drinks martinis, but those are vodka martinis, so I can't use the personification of "dude" to back me up on this one.
Fine, I like another sissy drink.
What about a screwdriver? Vodka? Orange juice? You're right, that screams sissy all the way. I'm losing this argument, aren't I?
I got it... Rum and Coke! Ah ha! There's no way that's sissy. Wait, I don't stomach dark rum too well, so my Rum and Cokes are usually made (badly) with light rum, which is definitely a sissy thing to do. Fuck me.
Yep, my friend is right... I like sissy drinks.
I think I'll have another.
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