Hurricanes, Shmurricanes

Having recently returned to North Carolina, I am somewhat inundated with the worry that accompanies the one major natural phenomenon that Carolinians tend to worry about: hurricanes.

Supposedly, this year is going to be one helluva hurricane season. To this I say, "bullshit."

Let's back up a bit. As everyone who undoutedly watches the NFL knows (specifically, New Orleans Saints games), in 2005, Hurricane Katrina ravaged the Gulf Coast, fucking a whole lotta shit up and displacing a whole lotta people. There were one or two other slightly damaging hurricanes that year (Rita, I think, was one of them), and Al Gore pundits the world over hailed these storms as strong evidence that Global Warming is real and here to stay.

So, as fans of An Inconvenient Truth, hurricane experts in 2006 predicted that 2006 would be an even worse hurricane season than 2005. You know, since hurricanes are essentially created by heat energy stored in the Atlantic Ocean, and since Global Warming was undoubtedly a fact, 2006 would kick the East Coast's ass.

To that I said, "bullshit." Yeah, I can't prove I said that, but everyone who knows me well knows I said it, so fuck off. At any rate, historically speaking, back-to-back whopper hurricane seasons are a rarity, so I was just going off of that fact. To that end, I was right. 2006 was pretty wimpy.

So, the Global Warming hurricane experts are claiming that 2007 is going to be that "Global Warming Proving" hurricane season. As evidence, they are pointing to that early storm that occured prior to the official start of hurricane season, as well as that second storm that happened almost immediately after the officail start.

To that I say, "bullshit." See, I'm of the opinion that the Earth knows how to take care of itself, despite the damage that we are causing to it, and I'm of the opinion that the early storm was a way to dump the excess heat energy in order to AVOID a kick-ass hurricane season.

Of course, I could be proven wrong in a matter of months, but I doubt I will be. Yes, we're undoubtedly going to have some strong hurricanes... I'm not claiming that... but I'm fairly certain that we're not going to have the "hurricane season to end all hurricane seasons" just yet.

And for those of you liberal environmentalists cursing my writing right about now, I'm not claiming that we're not damaging the environment. In fact, I KNOW we're fucking up our planet, and we need to "go green" in order to help preserve it. I'm just not sold on Global Warming just yet.

Lick me... and vote Clint Eastwood for President.