I have recently uncovered some conspiracies. They are all true. I have the evidence. I swear.
1. Pepsi is owned by Colombian drug lords. They were going to buy Coca-Cola instead, but thought it too obvious.
2. The Bush family selected their last name so they could remember the area to aim for when having sex. Apparently, some of their ancestors were "challenged."
3. Barbie left Ken for a simple reason: she already got his rib and he has no balls. Why wouldn't she?
4. 2000 Flushes was created by women to expose men with a lower sense of humor. Yellow and blue make green make dumb pissing guy laugh.
5. Barack Obama's real name is Benedict Arnold, but he "ethnicized it" in order to pull votes and keep people from asking questions about his past. Not sure that worked...
6. A woman's anus is right next to her vagina in order to prove how disgusting men are. And how much they like being disgusting. Love it, in fact. Oh, yeah.
7. Global Warming started out as a secret government project intent on preventing an encroaching ice age. Only they fucked up, and like a typical government screw up, decided to guilt the populace into taking the blame for it.
8. Circumcision was made popular because Abraham's wife decided she didn't like getting foreskin stuck in her teeth.
9. NASA's decision to send a chimp into space first was actually an attempt to convince the Soviet Union that the Space Race wasn't worth the effort. They were trying to imply that "hey, a chimp can do it; what's the big deal?" It failed miserably.
10. The real man behind the JFK assassination was
Showing posts with label Global Warming. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Global Warming. Show all posts
Monday, December 29, 2008
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Environmental Musings
I don't believe in global warming. Not yet, anyway. I do feel that most evidence supports it, and I don't think that Al Gore is trying to "pull the wool" over anyone's eyes (though I think his statement that "the debate is over" is both ignorant, foolish, and dangerous), but I think we need about another 10 years to really know.
Still, while the pro-Gore nuts are walking around with their noses in the air and the anti-Gore nuts are fuming about anti-Liberal politics, work needs to be done.
With or without Global Warming, there is no doubt that we are killing our planet. Fuck the thermometer, we only need to look at our rivers and the brown haze over Los Angeles to know that.
Not to be such a harp on Gore, but buying "carbon-neutral" CERTIFICATES to offset the energy your way-too-large house uses is not a good way to set an example. Either you want to live richly or you don't. Shut the fuck up.
Ethanol is a crock, and more and more evidence is coming out to support it. Case in point: Presidential not-so-hopeful John Edwards changed his language supporting ethanol from "Yes, let's do it!" to "It's a good way to transition from oil to whatever we end up with." Those are both paraphrases, mind you, but they're accurate.
By the way... ethanol doesn't lower emissions all that much, lowers your fuel efficiency, and drives the price of corn and its replacement food products up A LOT. The only people truly with anything to gain from long-term ethanol use are farmers... who are whole-heartedly behind the ethanol movement. Go figure.
Iceland is switching to hydrogen-only fuels. Nay-sayers state that Iceland can do such a thing because Iceland has near 100% access to geothermal energy, and can therefore pull the hydrogen required from the ground. Everyone else is making excuses as to why they can't. Let's see... the most common element in the UNIVERSE is (gasp) hydrogen, and now people are saying we can't FIND ANY? Good thing no one is trying to run cars off of cigarettes and alcohol, because then those would suddenly become hard to find, too.
I've said this before, but building a physical fence along the US-Mexico border is the dumbest thing I can think of (well, maybe not, but right now it is). This is for a couple of reasons: 1) we have the technology to build a "virtual" fence, and 2) we're destroying an ecosystem. Oops.
Do I agree with Al Gore that the emerging environmental industry will create at least as many jobs as it will destroy (as in big oil, etc.)? Yes. In that aspect, the environmental industry is truly a capitalist one. And why the fuck are we worried about hurting big oil, anyway? If they were in such trouble, they wouldn't be giving sub-par former CEOs nine-figure severance packages.
Every species that becomes extinct is an embarrassment to the human race. Okay, not every. The ones that died out on their own obviously "deserved" it, but the ones that we contribute to... well, we're just stupid.
Environmental groups that don't want companies to profit from saving the environment are full of fucking morons. Hello! Profit is the ONLY way to sustain a movement. Find me a movement that was sustained with pure "heart and soul" and I'll show you a movement that ended with a whimper.
Not really an environmental point, but nature is full of four inescapable things: eating, sleeping, fucking, and killing. So why do we complain when the latter two show up in film, television, and other media? Nobody seems to give a shit about the former two. Maybe I'll start a movement...
In the early 90s, Mazda actually developed a car that got 80 miles per gallon. 80! But, the naysayers kept it off the road because the vehicle was TOO LIGHT and would have been dangerous. Um... motorcycles are legal, you know? $100 says the Big Three and Big Oil kept that fucker off the road.
Vote Eastwood.
Still, while the pro-Gore nuts are walking around with their noses in the air and the anti-Gore nuts are fuming about anti-Liberal politics, work needs to be done.
With or without Global Warming, there is no doubt that we are killing our planet. Fuck the thermometer, we only need to look at our rivers and the brown haze over Los Angeles to know that.
Not to be such a harp on Gore, but buying "carbon-neutral" CERTIFICATES to offset the energy your way-too-large house uses is not a good way to set an example. Either you want to live richly or you don't. Shut the fuck up.
Ethanol is a crock, and more and more evidence is coming out to support it. Case in point: Presidential not-so-hopeful John Edwards changed his language supporting ethanol from "Yes, let's do it!" to "It's a good way to transition from oil to whatever we end up with." Those are both paraphrases, mind you, but they're accurate.
By the way... ethanol doesn't lower emissions all that much, lowers your fuel efficiency, and drives the price of corn and its replacement food products up A LOT. The only people truly with anything to gain from long-term ethanol use are farmers... who are whole-heartedly behind the ethanol movement. Go figure.
Iceland is switching to hydrogen-only fuels. Nay-sayers state that Iceland can do such a thing because Iceland has near 100% access to geothermal energy, and can therefore pull the hydrogen required from the ground. Everyone else is making excuses as to why they can't. Let's see... the most common element in the UNIVERSE is (gasp) hydrogen, and now people are saying we can't FIND ANY? Good thing no one is trying to run cars off of cigarettes and alcohol, because then those would suddenly become hard to find, too.
I've said this before, but building a physical fence along the US-Mexico border is the dumbest thing I can think of (well, maybe not, but right now it is). This is for a couple of reasons: 1) we have the technology to build a "virtual" fence, and 2) we're destroying an ecosystem. Oops.
Do I agree with Al Gore that the emerging environmental industry will create at least as many jobs as it will destroy (as in big oil, etc.)? Yes. In that aspect, the environmental industry is truly a capitalist one. And why the fuck are we worried about hurting big oil, anyway? If they were in such trouble, they wouldn't be giving sub-par former CEOs nine-figure severance packages.
Every species that becomes extinct is an embarrassment to the human race. Okay, not every. The ones that died out on their own obviously "deserved" it, but the ones that we contribute to... well, we're just stupid.
Environmental groups that don't want companies to profit from saving the environment are full of fucking morons. Hello! Profit is the ONLY way to sustain a movement. Find me a movement that was sustained with pure "heart and soul" and I'll show you a movement that ended with a whimper.
Not really an environmental point, but nature is full of four inescapable things: eating, sleeping, fucking, and killing. So why do we complain when the latter two show up in film, television, and other media? Nobody seems to give a shit about the former two. Maybe I'll start a movement...
In the early 90s, Mazda actually developed a car that got 80 miles per gallon. 80! But, the naysayers kept it off the road because the vehicle was TOO LIGHT and would have been dangerous. Um... motorcycles are legal, you know? $100 says the Big Three and Big Oil kept that fucker off the road.
Vote Eastwood.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Hurricanes, Shmurricanes
Having recently returned to North Carolina, I am somewhat inundated with the worry that accompanies the one major natural phenomenon that Carolinians tend to worry about: hurricanes.
Supposedly, this year is going to be one helluva hurricane season. To this I say, "bullshit."
Let's back up a bit. As everyone who undoutedly watches the NFL knows (specifically, New Orleans Saints games), in 2005, Hurricane Katrina ravaged the Gulf Coast, fucking a whole lotta shit up and displacing a whole lotta people. There were one or two other slightly damaging hurricanes that year (Rita, I think, was one of them), and Al Gore pundits the world over hailed these storms as strong evidence that Global Warming is real and here to stay.
So, as fans of An Inconvenient Truth, hurricane experts in 2006 predicted that 2006 would be an even worse hurricane season than 2005. You know, since hurricanes are essentially created by heat energy stored in the Atlantic Ocean, and since Global Warming was undoubtedly a fact, 2006 would kick the East Coast's ass.
To that I said, "bullshit." Yeah, I can't prove I said that, but everyone who knows me well knows I said it, so fuck off. At any rate, historically speaking, back-to-back whopper hurricane seasons are a rarity, so I was just going off of that fact. To that end, I was right. 2006 was pretty wimpy.
So, the Global Warming hurricane experts are claiming that 2007 is going to be that "Global Warming Proving" hurricane season. As evidence, they are pointing to that early storm that occured prior to the official start of hurricane season, as well as that second storm that happened almost immediately after the officail start.
To that I say, "bullshit." See, I'm of the opinion that the Earth knows how to take care of itself, despite the damage that we are causing to it, and I'm of the opinion that the early storm was a way to dump the excess heat energy in order to AVOID a kick-ass hurricane season.
Of course, I could be proven wrong in a matter of months, but I doubt I will be. Yes, we're undoubtedly going to have some strong hurricanes... I'm not claiming that... but I'm fairly certain that we're not going to have the "hurricane season to end all hurricane seasons" just yet.
And for those of you liberal environmentalists cursing my writing right about now, I'm not claiming that we're not damaging the environment. In fact, I KNOW we're fucking up our planet, and we need to "go green" in order to help preserve it. I'm just not sold on Global Warming just yet.
Lick me... and vote Clint Eastwood for President.
Supposedly, this year is going to be one helluva hurricane season. To this I say, "bullshit."
Let's back up a bit. As everyone who undoutedly watches the NFL knows (specifically, New Orleans Saints games), in 2005, Hurricane Katrina ravaged the Gulf Coast, fucking a whole lotta shit up and displacing a whole lotta people. There were one or two other slightly damaging hurricanes that year (Rita, I think, was one of them), and Al Gore pundits the world over hailed these storms as strong evidence that Global Warming is real and here to stay.
So, as fans of An Inconvenient Truth, hurricane experts in 2006 predicted that 2006 would be an even worse hurricane season than 2005. You know, since hurricanes are essentially created by heat energy stored in the Atlantic Ocean, and since Global Warming was undoubtedly a fact, 2006 would kick the East Coast's ass.
To that I said, "bullshit." Yeah, I can't prove I said that, but everyone who knows me well knows I said it, so fuck off. At any rate, historically speaking, back-to-back whopper hurricane seasons are a rarity, so I was just going off of that fact. To that end, I was right. 2006 was pretty wimpy.
So, the Global Warming hurricane experts are claiming that 2007 is going to be that "Global Warming Proving" hurricane season. As evidence, they are pointing to that early storm that occured prior to the official start of hurricane season, as well as that second storm that happened almost immediately after the officail start.
To that I say, "bullshit." See, I'm of the opinion that the Earth knows how to take care of itself, despite the damage that we are causing to it, and I'm of the opinion that the early storm was a way to dump the excess heat energy in order to AVOID a kick-ass hurricane season.
Of course, I could be proven wrong in a matter of months, but I doubt I will be. Yes, we're undoubtedly going to have some strong hurricanes... I'm not claiming that... but I'm fairly certain that we're not going to have the "hurricane season to end all hurricane seasons" just yet.
And for those of you liberal environmentalists cursing my writing right about now, I'm not claiming that we're not damaging the environment. In fact, I KNOW we're fucking up our planet, and we need to "go green" in order to help preserve it. I'm just not sold on Global Warming just yet.
Lick me... and vote Clint Eastwood for President.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
