Monday, June 19, 2006

Grammar War I: Speak English? Write English, Too

Not too long ago, I heard some jackass complaining about immigrants not knowing how to speak English. Yeah, fine, I'm all for having English proficiency a requirement to be a citizen, but for fuck's sake, make sure YOU know proper English before you yell at some poor soul who's trying to grasp our highly illogical language. After all, "Y'all need to learn to speak American" is NOT a convincing argument.

Anyway, the point of this blog is that I'm sick and tired of all the illiterate schmucks out there screwing up my beautiful tongue. So, I'm going to be nice and summarize a couple of lessons in grammar.

1) The difference between "your" and "you're" - YOUR is an adjective indicating YOU as a possessor. For instance, YOUR IQ is very low or YOUR mental capacity is rather pathetic. YOU'RE is a contraction representing the words YOU and ARE. Examples include YOU'RE stupid and YOU'RE a fucking moron. Other than the occasional accidental mix-up, there is NO excuse for fucking up the use of these two words... except that the person making the mistake is, well, probably stupid.

2) The difference between "its" and "it's" - ITS, like YOUR, is an adjective indicating a possessor (in this case, IT). For instance, ITS color is red or ITS crap stinks. IT'S is a contraction representing the words IT and IS. Examples include IT'S smarter than you and IT'S not as stupid as you are. However, given that the rule of possession usually includes 's somewhere, this is a much more forgivable error.

Some new words I learned recently:

askance - with a side glance OR with disapproval or distrust

Eocene - of, relating to, or being an epoch of the Tertiary between the Paleocene and the Oligocene or the corresponding system of rocks

senescence - the state of being old OR the process of becoming old

Have a nice day.


Anonymous said...

Accidental mix-up, my ass.

Posted by Jessica Lynn on June 19, 2006 - Monday - 7:31 PM

Anonymous said...

""Y'all need to learn to speak American" is NOT a convincing argument."

Funny, because Johnny Cochran used the Chewbacca defense for OJ and it worked like a dream. i feel that this is similar in that it is so farfetched that it makes sense.

Then again a more learned man than Myself would point out, and it would be rather accurate, that to, "speak American" is impossible, since American is not a language. Now if we said, for example, "Y'all need to learn to speak Southern English!" That might hold up.

However, it is more than likely that the same creatures who say our immigrants need to "speak American" would be unable to tell the difference between a Mexican, Honduran and Guatamalan.

However, the above stated three would have zero trouble spotting the subtle differences between say a Californian and a Southerner. The Southerner, more than likely would be shooting at them.

Posted by God on June 19, 2006 - Monday - 9:00 PM

Anonymous said...

If you can't tell the difference between a Mexican and a Guatamalan, you've never lived in Cedartown, GA...

Posted by Jessica Lynn on June 23, 2006 - Friday - 2:03 PM

Anonymous said...

Heh. Everytime I hear someone say "can I axe you something," I think 'no, please don't axe me! I have too much to live for!'

The English language is declining in this country, we have kids who don't/won't learn it, adults who let their kids speak gangsta, and immigrant (illegal ones) slipping by without bothering to learn it.

Posted by Geoffry on June 25, 2006 - Sunday - 11:56 PM

Anonymous said...

OMG!!! I have this same issue with people, and I learned recently my brother does too! I would like to add this: the difference between "their" and "they're". GRRRR! I makes me so angry, and this coming from a geeky math chick! If I notice grammar issues, it's gotta be pretty bad.

Posted by **JEAN** on June 26, 2006 - Monday - 3:47 PM

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