The First Day of English Class

A while ago, the world's hottest English teacher asked me how I would go about teaching an English class. I answered simply... I would berate the shit out of my students, starting on Day One.

The first thing I would do is make them read one of my old Grammar War blogs (this one). Naturally, I would expand and expound on the topic, but you get the point.

Well, in case you don't get the point: I will promptly inform each and every one of my students that the very language they claim to know and love is as Greek to them as, well, Greek. 'dey no English lyk 'dey no 'da bak uf 'der handz.

The second thing I would do is make each and every student write a book report on a venerable British classic: Where's Spot? That's right, assholes... you'll be doing a book report on "see spot run." And the caveat? Simple sentences only. Subject. Verb. Object. That's it. Anybody who breaks that rule fails miserably.

Why would I do this? Well, because I highly doubt many incoming Freshmen even know what a subject, verb, and object of a sentence actually is. Never mind a direct object, or a gerund, or even a fucking pronoun.

Day Two would only get worse and by then, hopefully, I'll be down to six or so students, earning the same pay for less work. Why teach 20 stress-inducing losers when I can whittle it down to a handful?

Oddly enough, there are supposedly a few teachers at a North Carolina community college that are going to attempt this method. We'll see, though, as public school teachers tend to be a cowardly lot when it comes to pushing envelopes.

The moral of this rant? Find out where this method is being used and sign the fuck up.

If you're not afraid, that is.

College For Everyone Sucks

A year or so ago, I learned of the existence of a post-doctoral program at an internationally-reknown American university. Apparently, PhDs are no longer the measure of who's an expert in a particular field. This phenomenon has happened before, of course. We all know that, decades ago, associate and bachelor degrees amounted to a whole hell of a lot more than they do today.

Now, however, it's the master's degree that usually dictates where in the workplace a recent college grad gets to start working. Thanks to the liberal propensity of wanting "college for everyone," the lower degrees have been devalued, almost to the point of being as almost as worthless as a high school diploma.

Of course, the conservatives/capitalists hold just as much to blame for this evolution of degree valuation as the liberals. After all, it is they that insisted on keeping the American post-secondary education system based on a business. College itself, obviously, is one huge money-making industry.

Still, every time an accomplishment becomes worth just a little bit less than it used to be, it tends to piss me off. Whether it's education, military (oh, boy... look how the military gives away and creates new medals to give away just to make their servicemembers feel better), or sports, devaluing something just plain sucks.

Many, many years ago, colleges were there to separate the intellectually egalitarian from the intellectually elite. Today they're there to continue the educations of people who are obviously underserved by the public primary and secondary education systems. Yes, there are a whole shitload of issues within this issue, and there's no way I'm even going to try to get into them all, but the end result is the same: college degrees continue to lose their value.

I say, "Fuck that."

We have, inarguably, the best college and university system in the world. We have, inarguably, one of the worst public primary and secondary school systems in the world. The catch-22 here is that, if we continue to devalue our degrees in the name of "everyone gets to go to college," we're going to lose our leg-up on the rest of the world.

Fix the public school system. Make college harder to get into. Get rid of some of these ridiculous, bullshit colleges that exist only to make money. Make our degrees worth something. Fucking Hell.

The Whirlwind

Reap the whirlwind... whoa...

GM (yes, that GM) offered me a job... don't really want to take it, but it's good money and might allow me to transfer to Los Angeles.

My little independent film script is generating some interest... crazy. Seems too good to be true, which means it probably is.

One of my scripts, Theorem, was just labeled as "blockbuster material" by a Hollywood reader. Does this bode well for my screenwriting future? Is it a fluke/flash-in-the-pan? Spin me around and... well, never mind...

Just applied to graduate school at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. The first of two intended Masters degrees... the second I want to get from the University of California, Los Angeles. What can I say? I'm vain and I think the MFA, MFA on my business card would look cool.

More reality TV show jobs are coming my way... maybe... and it's another maybe if I can take them or not... double maybes? Probably not good... as in double not good. Fuck me.

If I move to Vegas, I've got a place to live, but I have to ditch my dogs... that's going to seriously suck. I get to keep my cats, though... provided they don't run away before then.

Have a court date on the 30th. Wish me luck in staying out of jail. No, really... wish me luck in staying out of jail.

Have a physical on the 29th. Wish me luck in increasing my VA disability. I like free money. Don't lie, you do, too. You just won't like my free money as much as I will.

Trying to join an Army Reserve unit in Bell, California. It's in spitting distance from LA (literally... you can spit to Bell from Los Angeles) and involves a $15k bonus. I should probably bite my tongue and sign the fucking contract, shouldn't I?

Got a new cell phone plan (finally). If you have Sprint PCS, call me... it's free now.

About 20 pages from finishing another script. CIA thriller... I like it. I think it's better than Theorem, which means it probably sucks.

The Departed is the best movie I've seen all year and the second Scorsese movie in a row to really and truly affect me.

Somebody save me (and by somebody, I mean a beautiful, intelligent, talented, and sexy woman who will buy me Chargers season tickets next year... provided she's employed and not in grad school, in which case I'll buy the tickets myself and bring her with me).

Life is a whirlwind... and what a fun ride it's been so far...