One-Line Movie Reviews, September 8, 2009

Okay, so these reviews are not reviews of new releases, nor are they even one-line. I merely noticed that I haven't shared any opinions of films I've seen as of late, so I've decided to do so.

In other words, I'm having some difficulties writing, and this is the best I can come up with.

Without further adieu:

District 9 - a low-budget South African science fiction movie that, well, kicks ass. The special effects are pretty damned good, and the relatively unknown (in the United States, anyway) cast lends to the mockumentary effect. There's a nice bit of relevance in the film, but something tells me it'll be lost on most. Verdict: SEE it.

Pineapple Express - much was made of James Franco's turn as a pothead. In other words, there was much ado about nothing. And I have to be honest, I wasn't understanding Hollywood's Seth Rogen backlash until I saw this movie. Now I get it completely. He's irritating. Verdict: SKIP it.

RocknRolla - Guy Ritchie's much anticipated return-to-form following the Madonna debacle. Not quite up to the level of Snatch and Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, but definitely enjoyable. And (should we believe the notice at the beginning of the end credits) a perfect set-up for the further adventures of One Two, Mumbles, and Handsome Bob. Verdict: SEE it.

Watchmen - the long-awaited film adaptation of the greatest graphic novel of all time. Yes, A LOT was missed in translation, but the movie definitely comes as close as one can hope for (short of another hour of run-time, anyway). Verdict: SEE it.

That's really all I can remember right now. If I remain in a writing funk, there will probably be more of these to follow... and rather frequently, I'm afraid.

Shear Insanity: Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

As of this moment, I am scheduled to get my hair cut on Thursday at 3 PM, Eastern time. A pretty banal statement, I would admit, were the situation not an unusual one. You see (well, no, you can't see, and I'm not about to post a photo, so you won't be seeing, but now I'm getting beside myself), I haven't had a haircut in over two years. July of 2007, if my memory serves me right (it often serves me wrong, which is why I don't play tennis. ACK! Bad joke, I know).

So that's... two years and one month? Give or take. The last time a hair on my head fell to the ground for reasons other than natural. Wait... I was in a couple of fist-fights this year... I probably lost some hair in those engagements. Anyway...

Why the haircut? Well, the unthinkable is about to happen: I'm about to rejoin the United States Army.

Those of you who need to change their pants, feel free to do so. I'll put some Zeppelin on in the meantime. A little "intermezzo," if you would.

Yes, I'm about to rejoin the Army. For no less than three years, at that. Only this time I'll be getting paid a Hell of a lot more money. But I digress. It is for this reason that my extremely long hair has to go (it really is a bit long... I can reach my arm behind my back and grab the ends of it).

Now, those of you who might have happened to have served with me already know that I am notorious for being that soldier... "the one with the long hair." But what I have at this moment really is ridiculously long. I kinda like it... some women I know kinda like it (and some don't, but I won't mention those hags)... and my cats kinda like to mistake my head for a scratching post.

A little while ago I was, in all honestly, just going to shave my head bald as some sort of misguided rebellion, but I really had nothing to rebel against so I decided against it. An even shorter while ago I was, in all honestly, going to go in for a bit of a trim, but one of my hag friends berated me for not donating my hair to a cancer wig organization (or something like that), so I held off.

But now things are coming to a head (hah! A pun! I fucking hate puns), and it's time to prepare myself for a few years of regulation-short hair and to donate my shower companions to a good cause.

Yeah, I'm rambling. So what? I had some cranberry vodkas for lunch. Eat me.

Someone just remember to remind me to take before and after photos.

Pointless Musings

I finally saw Watchmen today. I quite liked it... a very good adaption of one of the greatest graphic novels (read: glorified comic books) of all time, if not the greatest. The actress who played Silk Spectre II was pretty horrible, and a lot of the nuance found in the comic was left out, but I thought it was pretty good... maybe even brilliant.

My friend J is getting sick of helping me throw out my trash (long story; don't ask).

I recently reread 2001: A Space Odyssey. Stanley Kubrick's film was visionary, sure, but the book blows it out of the sky. Score one for Arthur C. Clarke.

In case anyone hasn't noticed, I love the movie Stardust. Watch it if you haven't already. It's The Princess Bride for the 21st century. Yep, I just made a hefty claim.

I still need someone to take my German Shepherd and/or my two cats for a few months. Any volunteers?

Leaving sucks, but traveling is the best thing in the world. I love irony.