One-Line Movie Reviews, September 29, 2009

I was going to wait until I had seen 10 films, but as I'm packing up for a move, I figure I might as well do this now.

The Bank Job (2008) - a very competent film based on London's infamous Baker Street Robbery of 1971. Although heavily fictionalized, the film purports to reveal "more truth" than the government of the United Kingdom has so far revealed about what went down. Engaging performances by Jason Statham (finally in a movie he belongs in) and Saffron Burrows (mmm...) carry the movie, and the plot twists and turns are no so convoluted as to be eye-rolling unbelievable (see most recent crime movies... ugh... enough already).Verdict: SEE it.

Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986) - a lesser known movie (for some odd reason) that consistently makes it on "best horror of all time" lists, and it's easy to see why. Surprisingly subtle, which only makes its disturbing scenes (of which there are plenty) all the more disturbing. Michael Rooker in an early role... one of the creepiest serial killer performances ever. Verdict: SEE it (horror and non-horror fans alike).

The Last Legion (2007) - the King Arthur legend made its latest significant foray into theaters with this absolutely ghastly clunker of a movie. Yet another version attempting to tie in the Arthur myth with the fall of the Roman Empire, this one hails an amazing cast (Colin Firth, Sir Ben Kingsley, Kevin McKidd, Peter Mullan) who apparently all showed up for the paycheck and the opportunity to ogle Aishwarya Rai. Cliche is too nice a word for this crap. Verdict: SKIP it.

P2 (2007) - fairly attractive less-than-stellar actress gets accosted by a perverted and lonely security guard in a parking garage on Christmas Eve. Wes Bentley is as good as he can be given the script, but the lead actress (Rachel Nichols) craps up her already shoddy lines. I really don't have anything else to say about it, except to skip it. Verdict: SKIP it (yes, it needed to be written twice).

Miyamoto Musashi (1954), Zoku Miyamoto Musashi: Ichijôji no kettô (1955), Miyamoto Musashi kanketsuhen: kettô Ganryûjima (1956) - fans of Japanese samurai films, I daresay that these films, a trilogy about one of Japan's most renowned swordsmen, is better than Kurosawa's Seven Samurai. Okay, I dared, and I don't really believe that, but this is awesome. The pacing is unusual for films of this type (they're usually very plodding and heavy on dialogue on drama) and it moves along briskly. So much so that I watched all three films in one sitting (well, almost). Starring the great Toshiro Mifune, it's surprising that no American director has yet decided to adapt these tales into a Western. Verdict: SEE it (part I), SEE it (part II), SEE it (part III).