Obviously, it's almost Christmas. And to celebrate this final Irrewind, here's proof that I'm just as irreverent towards holidays as I am towards everything else:
"Merry Christmas"
I am, as most of you know, as agnostic as a person can get. I don't know which religion is right, I don't know what happens when one dies, and I don't know if there is a God, gods, or just a big bang followed by an assload of evolution. Christmas, to me, is simply a time for family, a time for loving your fellow man in that cliché way, and a... Read More
"All I Want for Christmas..."
Well, it's Christmas Eve. One day to go. And, given the nature of the high-tech world we live in today, I figured I can get one more request to Santa in, via the oh-so-wonderful world of MySpace. Yes, Santa has a MySpace page. Don't let it fool you, at first glance his profile makes him look like a simple fat guy with a reindeer fetish, but the... Read More
"Merry Christmas, Really"
Well, it's another late night forced upon me by my foot injury. And, as usual, I have nothing better to do than to write something. Strangely, I feel good right now. A simmering calm in a storm where everything else has gone wrong. Maybe it's because it's Christmas, or maybe it's the empty glasses and bottles cluttering my desk in front of... Read More
"Merry Holidays and Happy Christmas"
But then, as often does when an ACLU-type attitude goes horribly wrong, those "free religious practitioners" of other similarly-timed religious holidays decided to politicize the matter, devolving the holiday into what seems to be a vehement Christian defense of Jesus' purported birthday (which, hate to break it to you, it is most certainly... Read More
"Things I Don't Want for Christmas"
1. Socks or underwear - hey, asshole, I'm perfectly capable of getting these myself. Not to mention they're cheap, which means you're cheap, and I hate cheap... particularly when it comes to presents. "It's the thought that counts" is utter bullshit. And what does that mean, anyway? You were thinking of smelly feet and sweaty crotch? Yuck. Get... Read More
Showing posts with label Irrewind. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Irrewind. Show all posts
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Irrewind, 20101204: Wandering
Occasionally I wander around the world, looking for something I haven't yet identified. Frequently my mind wanders around the universe, thinking up weird stuff to keep my ennui from killing me. I'm certain these are not phenomena unique to me, but I think they're worthy of an Irrewind, anyway.
"Where Did the Road Go?"
The great escape. That's what the road was to people in generations past. Just themselves, their car, and the road. That black streak that disappeared around the bend, over the next rise, or into the horizon. A perfect quiet, noisy in that way that doesn't bother you... four pieces of rubber on the pavement rolling faster than the eye can see... Read More
"Home"
As humans, we are the only species on this planet capable of going anywhere we choose, any time we choose. The world is ours to travel, to work in, to play in. Why should we die so closely to where we were born? Now, I do realize that many people simply return to where they were originally from after a lifetime of adventure, but I do... Read More
"Potential Energy"
Leg's trying to kick, but it's hard to throw a foot when sitting down. The night air is crisp and the lights of the local excuse for a city beckon with false promises of forgetful adventure. There's music I haven't heard somewhere, but I'll be damned to know what it is. Today's cigarette didn't help... my lungs still want to scream and I want to run... Read More
"Wanderlust"
The question popped him out of his trance. The wide expanse of West Coast sand had hypnotized him the way only a collection of memories and dreams could. The rolling of Pacific waves during high tide reminded him of years wasted in the wrong parts of the world and the crashing water seemed to taunt him for seeking out calmer seas. His... Read More
"The Burning Bridge"
It's time to pack up and go
while the bridge can still be traversed
before it turns into ash... Read More
"Where Did the Road Go?"
The great escape. That's what the road was to people in generations past. Just themselves, their car, and the road. That black streak that disappeared around the bend, over the next rise, or into the horizon. A perfect quiet, noisy in that way that doesn't bother you... four pieces of rubber on the pavement rolling faster than the eye can see... Read More
"Home"
As humans, we are the only species on this planet capable of going anywhere we choose, any time we choose. The world is ours to travel, to work in, to play in. Why should we die so closely to where we were born? Now, I do realize that many people simply return to where they were originally from after a lifetime of adventure, but I do... Read More
"Potential Energy"
Leg's trying to kick, but it's hard to throw a foot when sitting down. The night air is crisp and the lights of the local excuse for a city beckon with false promises of forgetful adventure. There's music I haven't heard somewhere, but I'll be damned to know what it is. Today's cigarette didn't help... my lungs still want to scream and I want to run... Read More
"Wanderlust"
The question popped him out of his trance. The wide expanse of West Coast sand had hypnotized him the way only a collection of memories and dreams could. The rolling of Pacific waves during high tide reminded him of years wasted in the wrong parts of the world and the crashing water seemed to taunt him for seeking out calmer seas. His... Read More
"The Burning Bridge"
It's time to pack up and go
while the bridge can still be traversed
before it turns into ash... Read More
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Irrewind, 20101120: On Writing
So you've noticed I rant and rave about writing and aspiring writers quite a bit. Yeah, well, it's what I do. And I'm often paid for it, believe it or not. No, really, I've been PAID to tell people their work sucks (or is good, whatever). Crazy, right? I'll admit it, sure... it's crazy. But somebody's gotta do it. Rather large industry out there and all.
"Advice for Artists"
I've often said that there are three things to every thing: an art, a craft, and a science. From tying your shoes to having sex, from driving to cooking dinner, there is an artistic way, a practiced way, and a scientific way. Artists do something through talent and intuition... Read More
"They're Only Words Passing Time"
There's an old joke about the girl at the party suddenly turning away from the guy who says, "I'm a writer." As with all jokes, there's some truth to it, and there's a bit of lying going on. Anyone knows that the younger and more naive the target, the more likely she (or he) is going... Read More
"On Writing: An Opinion"
Every situation (from sex to violence to drugs to crime) and every perspective (from left to right to theist to atheist), no matter how heinous, nefarious, inspirational, or wonderful, can lend itself to a good story. And good stories deserve to be written, regardless of whether an... Read More
"On Writing: A Philosophy"
Anyway, long story short: writers need output. Writers write, after all. Those who talk about writing (or worse, talk about "ideas") and never write are most certainly not writers. It's no different than someone wanting to be a baseball player but never playing baseball. Intent is... Read More
"Jayne's No. 5"
Regular readers of mine will know I don't buy into writer's block. Seriously, it's bullshit. As I've stated before, unless your fingers and hands are broken or cut off, there is no such thing as writer's block. Other excuses I can't stand with so-called "aspiring writers" are "I'm too busy," "I'm not inspired," and "I'm not motivated."... Read More
"Advice for Artists"
I've often said that there are three things to every thing: an art, a craft, and a science. From tying your shoes to having sex, from driving to cooking dinner, there is an artistic way, a practiced way, and a scientific way. Artists do something through talent and intuition... Read More
"They're Only Words Passing Time"
There's an old joke about the girl at the party suddenly turning away from the guy who says, "I'm a writer." As with all jokes, there's some truth to it, and there's a bit of lying going on. Anyone knows that the younger and more naive the target, the more likely she (or he) is going... Read More
"On Writing: An Opinion"
Every situation (from sex to violence to drugs to crime) and every perspective (from left to right to theist to atheist), no matter how heinous, nefarious, inspirational, or wonderful, can lend itself to a good story. And good stories deserve to be written, regardless of whether an... Read More
"On Writing: A Philosophy"
Anyway, long story short: writers need output. Writers write, after all. Those who talk about writing (or worse, talk about "ideas") and never write are most certainly not writers. It's no different than someone wanting to be a baseball player but never playing baseball. Intent is... Read More
"Jayne's No. 5"
Regular readers of mine will know I don't buy into writer's block. Seriously, it's bullshit. As I've stated before, unless your fingers and hands are broken or cut off, there is no such thing as writer's block. Other excuses I can't stand with so-called "aspiring writers" are "I'm too busy," "I'm not inspired," and "I'm not motivated."... Read More
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Irrewind, 20101106: Politics
I am not, in most aspects, a political animal. Were I to be completely honest, I'd admit that I'm rather apathetic about it all, but I'm not going to be completely honest. I, like most of our glorious citizenry, am painfully undereducated when it comes to the actual nuance of political realms. As such, I suffer from the same "oh, that's such a simple fix, why don't they just (insert idea that won't work here)" type of opinions that most of our glorious citizenry suffers from (I love that term... glorious citizenry... it just sounds cool).
But, that doesn't stop me from ranting now, does it? Of course not. As with other things found in Irrewinds, keep in mind that my opinions on these matters are likely to have changed (you'll also find that a lot of these have been made completely irrelevant through current events... irrelevance, however, is what I do). But don't let that stop you from cussing me out.
"An Agnostic Form of Government"
Keith Ellison, the first Muslim elected to the U.S. Congress, was sworn in yesterday. As a Muslim, he chose not to swear in on the Bible, but on the Qur'an. And not just any Qur'an, mind you, but Thomas Jefferson's personal copy of it. Of course, now that this has happened... Read More
"America's White Elephants: China and Islam"
America, since the turn of the 20th Century, has inarguably been THE world power. Our involvement practically dictated the outcome of two world wars, drew the lines (and fought over a few) in the Cold War, and created an economic disparity that the rest of the world... Read More
"Political Incorrectness That Is"
For years now, people have been complaining about the American political system and how completely distasteful and unprofessional its campaigns have become. And now McCain, one of the more vocal proponents of taste and professionalism, has now been caught in his own... Read More
"The Contractor Problem"
In this case, it is known as the military-industrial complex. A complex, somewhat ironically, that we were warned against embracing by a former 5-star general and President, good ol' Ike. Unfortunately for Ike's successors, there were no laws governing the limitations of such a... Read More
"In Defense of... Obama?"
Anybody who knows me knows that I'm no big fan of Barack Obama. I didn't vote last year (due to circumstances sort of beyond my control... long story), but even if I had, I wouldn't have voted for him. Neither would I have voted for McCain (I'm really not a Sarah Palin fan)... Read More
But, that doesn't stop me from ranting now, does it? Of course not. As with other things found in Irrewinds, keep in mind that my opinions on these matters are likely to have changed (you'll also find that a lot of these have been made completely irrelevant through current events... irrelevance, however, is what I do). But don't let that stop you from cussing me out.
"An Agnostic Form of Government"
Keith Ellison, the first Muslim elected to the U.S. Congress, was sworn in yesterday. As a Muslim, he chose not to swear in on the Bible, but on the Qur'an. And not just any Qur'an, mind you, but Thomas Jefferson's personal copy of it. Of course, now that this has happened... Read More
"America's White Elephants: China and Islam"
America, since the turn of the 20th Century, has inarguably been THE world power. Our involvement practically dictated the outcome of two world wars, drew the lines (and fought over a few) in the Cold War, and created an economic disparity that the rest of the world... Read More
"Political Incorrectness That Is"
For years now, people have been complaining about the American political system and how completely distasteful and unprofessional its campaigns have become. And now McCain, one of the more vocal proponents of taste and professionalism, has now been caught in his own... Read More
"The Contractor Problem"
In this case, it is known as the military-industrial complex. A complex, somewhat ironically, that we were warned against embracing by a former 5-star general and President, good ol' Ike. Unfortunately for Ike's successors, there were no laws governing the limitations of such a... Read More
"In Defense of... Obama?"
Anybody who knows me knows that I'm no big fan of Barack Obama. I didn't vote last year (due to circumstances sort of beyond my control... long story), but even if I had, I wouldn't have voted for him. Neither would I have voted for McCain (I'm really not a Sarah Palin fan)... Read More
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Irrewind, 20101016: Tenth Daughters of Memory
Yes, I'm aware that I pimp out the writing challenge that I helped found at least twice a year (via index posts), but it deserves an extra pimp. It's grown a bit this year (slowly, but surely) and remains my favorite writing group (sounds subjective, coming from me, but I'd honestly claim this anyway).
Anyway, as of this writing I've won the 10thDoM challenge five times (not counting the River of Mnemosyne butt-kicker), so I'm gonna put them up again. Nyer.
(Actually, I won a sixth time, but due an issue regarding a "corrected vote," I handed off the victory to a worthy competitor... who that was shall never be revealed... they deserved it, anyway)
(Then again, the second time I won was because the actual winner forgot to vote... so I guess I'm even)
"Gateway"
The smell of cedar is out of place. Israel is not to the south and there are no trees. He doesn't know what death smells like - perhaps it does smell like wood - but he is resolutely certain that fear should smell like something else. The nitrocellulose in the air does little to staunch the... Read More
"Uriah and Uriel: A Dialogue"
At first the rain was useless to Uriah, because it didn't wash the blood off of his hands. But as the flooding started, he was able to cake himself with mud, hiding the crime. No evidence remained but a buried body unlikely to be found and a broken heart unlikely to be revealed... Read More
"The Storms of Dust, Part I" and "The Storms of Dust, Part II"
Long separated from his brother, Afvaldr, and regretting the decision to not switch his horse out for a local dromedary, Áfastr sits nearly defeated on a small slope comprised of sand. He feels the loose earth beneath him shifting, but he doesn't care. With his back to the wind and... Read More
"Gravity"
He realizes as he stares up at her that there is no word for her. Gorgeous comes close, but is too superficial. Beautiful, though accurate, misses something. He realizes as he stares down at her that a word is not necessary. Her landscape is perfect with its imperfections. He... Read More
"A Rapture in Silence"
It is quiet up here, the sensation of falling numbing all other sensations. Those already on the ground deafened by the very thing that inadvertently provides solace for those still in the air. Even heat - solar, geothermal, mechanical... it matters not - fails to register in a mind... Read More
*Update - I just won another Muse.
Anyway, as of this writing I've won the 10thDoM challenge five times (not counting the River of Mnemosyne butt-kicker), so I'm gonna put them up again. Nyer.
(Actually, I won a sixth time, but due an issue regarding a "corrected vote," I handed off the victory to a worthy competitor... who that was shall never be revealed... they deserved it, anyway)
(Then again, the second time I won was because the actual winner forgot to vote... so I guess I'm even)
"Gateway"
The smell of cedar is out of place. Israel is not to the south and there are no trees. He doesn't know what death smells like - perhaps it does smell like wood - but he is resolutely certain that fear should smell like something else. The nitrocellulose in the air does little to staunch the... Read More
"Uriah and Uriel: A Dialogue"
At first the rain was useless to Uriah, because it didn't wash the blood off of his hands. But as the flooding started, he was able to cake himself with mud, hiding the crime. No evidence remained but a buried body unlikely to be found and a broken heart unlikely to be revealed... Read More
"The Storms of Dust, Part I" and "The Storms of Dust, Part II"
Long separated from his brother, Afvaldr, and regretting the decision to not switch his horse out for a local dromedary, Áfastr sits nearly defeated on a small slope comprised of sand. He feels the loose earth beneath him shifting, but he doesn't care. With his back to the wind and... Read More
"Gravity"
He realizes as he stares up at her that there is no word for her. Gorgeous comes close, but is too superficial. Beautiful, though accurate, misses something. He realizes as he stares down at her that a word is not necessary. Her landscape is perfect with its imperfections. He... Read More
"A Rapture in Silence"
It is quiet up here, the sensation of falling numbing all other sensations. Those already on the ground deafened by the very thing that inadvertently provides solace for those still in the air. Even heat - solar, geothermal, mechanical... it matters not - fails to register in a mind... Read More
*Update - I just won another Muse.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Irrewind, 20101002: Driving
For a lot of people (if not most), daily driving is a necessary evil. It can be nerve-wracking, laborious, and downright boring. But, for a lot of people, driving until the end of the road is a quite liberating and peaceful experience.
Regardless, I've had a lot to say about driving.
"Driving, Voting, and That Thing Called High School"
Think about it, there's absolutely no reason that 16-year-old Billy Bob and his cross-town nemesis, D-Bone and the Funk Mafia should be driving to school and raising my insurance rates and automobile taxes. High school education is FREE, so is transportation to said high school. Hey, moron... TAKE THE FUCKING BUS. Traffic's bad... Read More
"Motorcycle Incentives"
As someone who splits his time driving through open territory and overcrowded cities, I often find myself complaining about congestion. I know, I know... EVERYONE in overcrowded cities complains about traffic, but they're in the unique position of being forced to deal with it and, as such, are victims of a certain level of... Read More
"Traffic Musings"
Oh, how about this... try turning on your turn signal when attempting a lane change BEFORE you check to see if anyone is coming. Seriously, have you ever seen a driver check, turn on a signal, realize they're probably not going to get let in, turn off the signal, then cut someone else off anyway in a fit of impatience? IF YOU LET PEOPLE... Read More
"Licensed to Drive, Revisited"
There are, as you are well aware, too many fucking morons driving around on our streets today. Too many idiots who don't seem to know how to use a turn signal; too many dipshits who can't drive in the rain; too many assholes who think yellow lights are NASCAR starting flags; and altogether too many ignorant fucks who don't even know... Read More
"Bad Drivers I: The Nervous Old Woman"
You gain on it quickly, of course, as it seems to be only averaging 40 MPH, while you, not one to obey every law to the letter, travel about 60 to 62 MPH. As you close, you think you see a driver, but aren't sure. The nearer you get, the more it seems like all you see is a steering wheel with a pair of hands on it. But then, the reveal: a gray poof of... Read More
Regardless, I've had a lot to say about driving.
"Driving, Voting, and That Thing Called High School"
Think about it, there's absolutely no reason that 16-year-old Billy Bob and his cross-town nemesis, D-Bone and the Funk Mafia should be driving to school and raising my insurance rates and automobile taxes. High school education is FREE, so is transportation to said high school. Hey, moron... TAKE THE FUCKING BUS. Traffic's bad... Read More
"Motorcycle Incentives"
As someone who splits his time driving through open territory and overcrowded cities, I often find myself complaining about congestion. I know, I know... EVERYONE in overcrowded cities complains about traffic, but they're in the unique position of being forced to deal with it and, as such, are victims of a certain level of... Read More
"Traffic Musings"
Oh, how about this... try turning on your turn signal when attempting a lane change BEFORE you check to see if anyone is coming. Seriously, have you ever seen a driver check, turn on a signal, realize they're probably not going to get let in, turn off the signal, then cut someone else off anyway in a fit of impatience? IF YOU LET PEOPLE... Read More
"Licensed to Drive, Revisited"
There are, as you are well aware, too many fucking morons driving around on our streets today. Too many idiots who don't seem to know how to use a turn signal; too many dipshits who can't drive in the rain; too many assholes who think yellow lights are NASCAR starting flags; and altogether too many ignorant fucks who don't even know... Read More
"Bad Drivers I: The Nervous Old Woman"
You gain on it quickly, of course, as it seems to be only averaging 40 MPH, while you, not one to obey every law to the letter, travel about 60 to 62 MPH. As you close, you think you see a driver, but aren't sure. The nearer you get, the more it seems like all you see is a steering wheel with a pair of hands on it. But then, the reveal: a gray poof of... Read More
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Irrewind, 20100918: Poetry II
I should probably title this particular Irrewind, "Bad Poetry," for even though my first few efforts here haven't been altogether bad, most of the poems I've written since have been - even I'll agree - crap. There's always one or two lines that stick out, but that's not enough to make me happy (for consistently competent poetry, I'll have to direct you to Life at Willow Manor, The Alchemist's Pillow, and The Far Queue).
Anyway, here you go... as always, criticism is welcome and desired.
"Symphony"
There's a song between breaths
Lyrics, subtle
from respiratory winds... Read More
"A Mighty Wind"
Wind of change, unwanted
With her gale in the wrong direction
Wildflowers, once gently caressed... Read More
"Today"
remember when the conversation
turned from orange to violet
an end to ends, all over again... Read More
"The Snowbird"
Feathers of ice
falling from a dying bird
that I cannot see... Read More
"The Heartbroken of Narcissus"
Your buried past
above ground, once
when it all began... Read More
Anyway, here you go... as always, criticism is welcome and desired.
"Symphony"
There's a song between breaths
Lyrics, subtle
from respiratory winds... Read More
"A Mighty Wind"
Wind of change, unwanted
With her gale in the wrong direction
Wildflowers, once gently caressed... Read More
"Today"
remember when the conversation
turned from orange to violet
an end to ends, all over again... Read More
"The Snowbird"
Feathers of ice
falling from a dying bird
that I cannot see... Read More
"The Heartbroken of Narcissus"
Your buried past
above ground, once
when it all began... Read More
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Irrewind, 20100904: Smoking
I'm a recovering smoker (and given how far in advance some of these posts are scheduled, I hope I still am by the time anyone reads this). I started smoking sometime in late 1999 and have been actively trying to quit since sometime in 2000. There have been high points (including a 10-month span completely nicotine-free in 2006) and have been low points (pretty much anytime else) in my efforts, and I often found myself whining (or whinging, pending your location) about it here at Irreverent Irrelevance.
Anyway, in light of a friend trying to quit herself (or, at least, claiming to want to), I figured to post some of my observations - both personal and otherwise - concerning the topic.
"One Billion Tobacco Deaths? Big Whoop"
I don't mean that in a bad way, but seriously, one billion people? Over the course of a century? That's not too bad, if you ask me. In fact, it helps out another "problem" that the World Health Organization is worried about: overpopulation. Not only that, these smokers are dying from something that, in all likelihood, THEY WANT TO DO... Read More
"Cigarette Musings"
Strangely, I didn't have another cigarette until two days later, when I returned to my real job and suddenly became very depressed. I know, I know... that's not an excuse, but it's what happened, so shut up. Since then, I've had about 40 cigarettes... not a high number, given the usual number of cigarettes smokers light up in a day, but... Read More
"Off the Wagon... Again"
Of course, I can always use the excuse "but all people on set smoke" (see: "but all soldiers smoke" for my military excuse), but the fact of the matter is I just felt like it. Maybe I just felt like it because I usually hate Atlanta (I loved it this time) and needed some edge off, but it's probably just because I'm a fucking moron... Read More
"A Cigarette When You Don't Want One"
Smoking's a crutch in so many ways. It's an excuse, an abuse, and a reason to drink more coffee. People trying to quit, like myself, look for anything negative or otherwise not ideal to serve as motivation to light up a smoke. I had a bad day, for instance, which is why there's a pack of fresh Camel Turkish Silvers on my desk. And, yeah, I hate... Read More
"Marijuana versus Tobacco: A Great Irony"
I fully believe that smoking cigarettes is bad for you. I fully believe that smoking marijuana is bad for you. And I fully believe that both should be legal, regulated as little as possible, and available on the open market to be enjoyed wherever someone (someone being an individual or a business) provides a spot for them to be enjoyed... Read More
Anyway, in light of a friend trying to quit herself (or, at least, claiming to want to), I figured to post some of my observations - both personal and otherwise - concerning the topic.
"One Billion Tobacco Deaths? Big Whoop"
I don't mean that in a bad way, but seriously, one billion people? Over the course of a century? That's not too bad, if you ask me. In fact, it helps out another "problem" that the World Health Organization is worried about: overpopulation. Not only that, these smokers are dying from something that, in all likelihood, THEY WANT TO DO... Read More
"Cigarette Musings"
Strangely, I didn't have another cigarette until two days later, when I returned to my real job and suddenly became very depressed. I know, I know... that's not an excuse, but it's what happened, so shut up. Since then, I've had about 40 cigarettes... not a high number, given the usual number of cigarettes smokers light up in a day, but... Read More
"Off the Wagon... Again"
Of course, I can always use the excuse "but all people on set smoke" (see: "but all soldiers smoke" for my military excuse), but the fact of the matter is I just felt like it. Maybe I just felt like it because I usually hate Atlanta (I loved it this time) and needed some edge off, but it's probably just because I'm a fucking moron... Read More
"A Cigarette When You Don't Want One"
Smoking's a crutch in so many ways. It's an excuse, an abuse, and a reason to drink more coffee. People trying to quit, like myself, look for anything negative or otherwise not ideal to serve as motivation to light up a smoke. I had a bad day, for instance, which is why there's a pack of fresh Camel Turkish Silvers on my desk. And, yeah, I hate... Read More
"Marijuana versus Tobacco: A Great Irony"
I fully believe that smoking cigarettes is bad for you. I fully believe that smoking marijuana is bad for you. And I fully believe that both should be legal, regulated as little as possible, and available on the open market to be enjoyed wherever someone (someone being an individual or a business) provides a spot for them to be enjoyed... Read More
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Irrewind, 20100821: Part Ones
So you've probably noticed that I start a lot of stories here without ever finishing them. A few get "sequel" chapters, but just as many are left by the wayside. This is for several reasons, one of which might be that the story sucks. Regardless of quality, as this is a public place to read (and share) stuff, I limit myself to posting three or four installments of any given story (excluding the River of Mnemosyne Challenge at The Tenth Daughter of Memory, of course). My mindset is such that, were to I continue a story beyond that many, then I might as well write it for submission somewhere.
Anyway, here are some "Part Ones" if you're interested:
"Gateway"
The smell of cedar is out of place. Israel is not to the south and there are no trees. He doesn't know what death smells like - perhaps it does smell like wood - but he is resolutely certain that fear should smell like something else. The nitrocellulose in the air does little to staunch the odor. Cedar among blood. It's an interesting scent and its... Read More
"A Dragon in Winter"
A day that was ending unusually had begun unusually, in retrospect. Áfastr had never been hunting with a woman, but for some reason - probably the knee-shaking nervousness that comes with courting someone for the first time - he invited Kolfrosta with him. The intention was to hunt for food, as his family's meat stores were getting low, but... Read More
"Exodus Lost"
Talbot pauses to stare at the stained glass image of the Madonna over the oak doors. He's seen the image - similar ones, at least - many, many times, but for some reason this one appears to be brighter in color than they usually are. The crowns on Jesus and Mary's heads shimmer bright gold, an oddity given that the sun outside is well into... Read More
"Apollyta and Arteseus, Part I"
They are our great heroes. Perseus, Bellerophon, Heracles, Jason, Theseus, Achilles, and Odysseus. Men who were also gods, born of the great curse of divine intervention. Or men who should have been. Their tales only survive for us to tell because of survivors. But theirs are not the greatest feats of heroism. None saved the entire world... Read More
"The Scheherazadi, Part I"
Forgive me. You probably have no idea what's going on. Earth is a desert wasteland in my time and there aren't very many people left. A few dozen-million, if that. Yeah, the polar icecaps melted - well, one of them - but not for reasons you're thinking. Some assholes started a nuclear shootout. With all the interceptor defense systems, most... Read More
Anyway, here are some "Part Ones" if you're interested:
"Gateway"
The smell of cedar is out of place. Israel is not to the south and there are no trees. He doesn't know what death smells like - perhaps it does smell like wood - but he is resolutely certain that fear should smell like something else. The nitrocellulose in the air does little to staunch the odor. Cedar among blood. It's an interesting scent and its... Read More
"A Dragon in Winter"
A day that was ending unusually had begun unusually, in retrospect. Áfastr had never been hunting with a woman, but for some reason - probably the knee-shaking nervousness that comes with courting someone for the first time - he invited Kolfrosta with him. The intention was to hunt for food, as his family's meat stores were getting low, but... Read More
"Exodus Lost"
Talbot pauses to stare at the stained glass image of the Madonna over the oak doors. He's seen the image - similar ones, at least - many, many times, but for some reason this one appears to be brighter in color than they usually are. The crowns on Jesus and Mary's heads shimmer bright gold, an oddity given that the sun outside is well into... Read More
"Apollyta and Arteseus, Part I"
They are our great heroes. Perseus, Bellerophon, Heracles, Jason, Theseus, Achilles, and Odysseus. Men who were also gods, born of the great curse of divine intervention. Or men who should have been. Their tales only survive for us to tell because of survivors. But theirs are not the greatest feats of heroism. None saved the entire world... Read More
"The Scheherazadi, Part I"
Forgive me. You probably have no idea what's going on. Earth is a desert wasteland in my time and there aren't very many people left. A few dozen-million, if that. Yeah, the polar icecaps melted - well, one of them - but not for reasons you're thinking. Some assholes started a nuclear shootout. With all the interceptor defense systems, most... Read More
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Irrewind, 20100807: Musings
I used to do general musings quite frequently. I've tapered off in the last year or so, but I rather enjoyed them and they make for quick and easy posts. And they're really the only place I use the more, er, "colorful" words found in the English language (don't say you weren't warned). Perhaps a comeback is in order.
"The Whirlwind"
Just applied to graduate school at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. The first of two intended Masters degrees... the second I want to get from the University of California, Los Angeles. What can I say? I'm vain and I think the MFA, MFA on my business card would look cool... Read More
"How About That?"
Scientists have just determined that the closest known living relative to the Tyrannosaurus Rex is the chicken. I'd plug in a "but what did they taste like" joke, but some asshole reporter who thinks he's more clever than me beat me to it... Read More
"The Following People Can Kiss My Ass:"
Those door-to-door college-aged magazine salespeople. Seriously, how long do you think we're going to believe that you're "barely beating your competitors" (ususally guys versus girls), and that you're "this close" to winning a trip to Costa Rica. Word of advice, if you're going to lie about being a communications student from USC, make... Read More
"Kudos and F.U.-dos"
Kudos to Al Gore, who completely remodeled his energy-hog home into something much, much more efficient. Way to put your money where your mouth is (but I still wouldn't vote for you)... Read More
"Nothing Much to Say About the World"
Speaking of conspiracies, anything think that Heather Mills is an Al Qaeda agent? She just screwed Sir Paul out of $50 million, you know. For some reasons such as "I can’t live without that much money" and "the $15 million I’m already worth isn’t enough to support my child." Seriously, the woman’s a c***. But I know the real reason she... Read More
"The Whirlwind"
Just applied to graduate school at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. The first of two intended Masters degrees... the second I want to get from the University of California, Los Angeles. What can I say? I'm vain and I think the MFA, MFA on my business card would look cool... Read More
"How About That?"
Scientists have just determined that the closest known living relative to the Tyrannosaurus Rex is the chicken. I'd plug in a "but what did they taste like" joke, but some asshole reporter who thinks he's more clever than me beat me to it... Read More
"The Following People Can Kiss My Ass:"
Those door-to-door college-aged magazine salespeople. Seriously, how long do you think we're going to believe that you're "barely beating your competitors" (ususally guys versus girls), and that you're "this close" to winning a trip to Costa Rica. Word of advice, if you're going to lie about being a communications student from USC, make... Read More
"Kudos and F.U.-dos"
Kudos to Al Gore, who completely remodeled his energy-hog home into something much, much more efficient. Way to put your money where your mouth is (but I still wouldn't vote for you)... Read More
"Nothing Much to Say About the World"
Speaking of conspiracies, anything think that Heather Mills is an Al Qaeda agent? She just screwed Sir Paul out of $50 million, you know. For some reasons such as "I can’t live without that much money" and "the $15 million I’m already worth isn’t enough to support my child." Seriously, the woman’s a c***. But I know the real reason she... Read More
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Irrewind, 20100717: Grammar Wars
Regulars here should know by now I'm rather nitpicky when it comes to language, including grammar and word definitions. Heck, a previous Irrewind was dedicated to the very topic (check it out here). I'm not entirely sure why or how I got so anal about it, but given modern discourses (and, really, discourses throughout history) conducted by people who like to flower or vague-up their language (politicians, liars, douchebags, etc.) in order to win fallacious arguments, I rather appreciate my anality (how's that for a neologism?).
Anyway, though I haven't done one for a while (this will be rectified, I assure you), I used to write these little things called "Grammar Wars." They're intended to be a bit sarcastic and a bit silly, but that's the way I roll (if you haven't guessed).
I also wanted to break my record for parentheses today, but I'm not sure I did (although I might have).
"Grammar War I: Speak English? Write English, Too"
Not too long ago, I heard some jackass complaining about immigrants not knowing how to speak English. Yeah, fine, I'm all for having English proficiency a requirement to be a citizen, but for fuck's sake, make sure YOU know proper English before you yell at some poor soul who's trying to grasp our highly illogical language. After all, "Y'all... Read More
"Grammar War II: Regarding Words"
1) The difference between "there," "their," and "they're" - THERE is a multifunction word indicating a place or a point. Examples: THERE is the school where we learn grammar or stand right THERE and look stupid.THEIR is an adjective indicating THEY as a possessor. Examples: THEIR brains have higher capacities than yours and... Read More
"Grammar War III: Wh Th?"
1) Everybody's favorite: the difference between "who" and "whom"- WHO and WHOM are both pronouns used to reference a specific person. The difference in use lies solely in intent. WHOM is used when the "who" follows a direct object or a preposition. I realize that those of you who don't already know the difference probably also don't... Read More
"Grammar War IV: Stupid Words"
3. decimate - I hate this one. As English apparently doesn't have enough words pertaining to destruction, stupid people have usurped this word to simple mean "to cause great destruction or harm to." Only, it actually has a specific meaning: "to select by lot and kill every tenth man of." "Deci," right? Meaning tenth. Hello!... Read More
"Grammar War V: He, She... Shit"
English, as most of us know, is a strange, erratic language. It almost completely lacks the masculine and feminine distinctions found in most other languages, particularly those of the Romance/Neolatin family. When it comes to singular pronouns, we have "he," we have "she," and we have "it". He, obviously, refers to males. She to females. ... Read More
Anyway, though I haven't done one for a while (this will be rectified, I assure you), I used to write these little things called "Grammar Wars." They're intended to be a bit sarcastic and a bit silly, but that's the way I roll (if you haven't guessed).
I also wanted to break my record for parentheses today, but I'm not sure I did (although I might have).
"Grammar War I: Speak English? Write English, Too"
Not too long ago, I heard some jackass complaining about immigrants not knowing how to speak English. Yeah, fine, I'm all for having English proficiency a requirement to be a citizen, but for fuck's sake, make sure YOU know proper English before you yell at some poor soul who's trying to grasp our highly illogical language. After all, "Y'all... Read More
"Grammar War II: Regarding Words"
1) The difference between "there," "their," and "they're" - THERE is a multifunction word indicating a place or a point. Examples: THERE is the school where we learn grammar or stand right THERE and look stupid.THEIR is an adjective indicating THEY as a possessor. Examples: THEIR brains have higher capacities than yours and... Read More
"Grammar War III: Wh Th?"
1) Everybody's favorite: the difference between "who" and "whom"- WHO and WHOM are both pronouns used to reference a specific person. The difference in use lies solely in intent. WHOM is used when the "who" follows a direct object or a preposition. I realize that those of you who don't already know the difference probably also don't... Read More
"Grammar War IV: Stupid Words"
3. decimate - I hate this one. As English apparently doesn't have enough words pertaining to destruction, stupid people have usurped this word to simple mean "to cause great destruction or harm to." Only, it actually has a specific meaning: "to select by lot and kill every tenth man of." "Deci," right? Meaning tenth. Hello!... Read More
"Grammar War V: He, She... Shit"
English, as most of us know, is a strange, erratic language. It almost completely lacks the masculine and feminine distinctions found in most other languages, particularly those of the Romance/Neolatin family. When it comes to singular pronouns, we have "he," we have "she," and we have "it". He, obviously, refers to males. She to females. ... Read More
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Irrewind, 20100703: Movie Reviews
Back when I first started sharing my thoughts on the Internet, I used to write cursory reviews (though not as cursory as my Irreviews) of films here and there. I still do, obviously, but it was far more prevalent an act before I figured out a way to take yet another short-cut and abbreviate yet another topic (another allusion to my Irreviews).
Anyhoo... here are some of the older ones (take note of my annoying use of the phrase, "first up"):
"Translation & Terminal: Two Reviews"
First up, Lost in Translation. I don't say this often, but this a movie that had me smiling from beginning to end. Yeah, opening a film with a shot of Scarlett Johansson's butt is always a good idea, but that's really not why I liked it. Actually, I don't really know why I liked it. It was just a beautiful, beautiful movie. There were some... Read More
"A Clearing, A Garden, Some Flowers: Three Reviews"
First up is, let's work backwards through the title, Broken Flowers, Jim Jarmusch's more-normal-than-usual entry (watch his Dead Man and Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai and you'll see what I mean) into what I'm going to start calling the "human insight" genre. It stars Bill Murray and, like Lost in Translation, is a great peek into the... Read More
"D & Diamond: Two Reviews"
First up is Jack Black's highly anticipated (I think) Tenacious D: the Pick of Destiny. I'm not really going to go into much detail, as I'm pretty sure people got what they expected from the film... but I thought it was lame. Yeah, it was kinda cool how Black and Gass served themselves up and rehashed much of their CD into a movie of sorts, but... Read More
"Movie Night: 3 Reviews"
First up is Michael Mann's Miami Vice. Given the sporadic reviews of the theatrical cut, I watched the director's cut instead and, I must say, really enjoyed it. Admittedly, the plot was convoluted enough to make Brian de Palma proud, but it tied together well. The film was nowhere near as good as Mann's two previous crime dramas (the... Read More
"Letters, Labyrinth: Two Reviews"
First up is the Japanese-language, Clint Eastwood-directed World War II film, Letters from Iwo Jima. Earlier, I implied how good Eastwood's other World War II film was, and now, I must say, Letters from Iwo Jima blows that one out of the water in every conceivable aspect. The acting is better, the pacing is better, and despite the fact that... Read More
Anyhoo... here are some of the older ones (take note of my annoying use of the phrase, "first up"):
"Translation & Terminal: Two Reviews"
First up, Lost in Translation. I don't say this often, but this a movie that had me smiling from beginning to end. Yeah, opening a film with a shot of Scarlett Johansson's butt is always a good idea, but that's really not why I liked it. Actually, I don't really know why I liked it. It was just a beautiful, beautiful movie. There were some... Read More
"A Clearing, A Garden, Some Flowers: Three Reviews"
First up is, let's work backwards through the title, Broken Flowers, Jim Jarmusch's more-normal-than-usual entry (watch his Dead Man and Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai and you'll see what I mean) into what I'm going to start calling the "human insight" genre. It stars Bill Murray and, like Lost in Translation, is a great peek into the... Read More
"D & Diamond: Two Reviews"
First up is Jack Black's highly anticipated (I think) Tenacious D: the Pick of Destiny. I'm not really going to go into much detail, as I'm pretty sure people got what they expected from the film... but I thought it was lame. Yeah, it was kinda cool how Black and Gass served themselves up and rehashed much of their CD into a movie of sorts, but... Read More
"Movie Night: 3 Reviews"
First up is Michael Mann's Miami Vice. Given the sporadic reviews of the theatrical cut, I watched the director's cut instead and, I must say, really enjoyed it. Admittedly, the plot was convoluted enough to make Brian de Palma proud, but it tied together well. The film was nowhere near as good as Mann's two previous crime dramas (the... Read More
"Letters, Labyrinth: Two Reviews"
First up is the Japanese-language, Clint Eastwood-directed World War II film, Letters from Iwo Jima. Earlier, I implied how good Eastwood's other World War II film was, and now, I must say, Letters from Iwo Jima blows that one out of the water in every conceivable aspect. The acting is better, the pacing is better, and despite the fact that... Read More
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Irrewind, 20100619: Soldier Fiction
I write a lot of military fiction (for a variety of reasons), and while I was perusing some older works, I noticed I had a tendency to write military pieces which were not necessarily "military." Yes, the protagonists of these pieces are clearly soldiers, but the situations presented are merely those of, well, life in general. "Soldier fiction," maybe, rather than "military fiction."
Honestly, I hadn't realized that I do this, but in realizing it I am rather intrigued. Perhaps you will be, too.
"But First, a Funeral"
He took a breath, straightened his uniform as well as he could. It didn't fit as well as he remembered. A little tighter around the waist, a little looser around the shoulders. But it was his. He had earned it. His friends had died wearing it. And he would put up with looking a little out-of-place in order to honor them... because who else was left to do... Read More
"The Tightrope"
It was when the plan was scrutinized that everything revealed itself to be fucked up beyond all recognition. The logistics were gone. The supplier, and the supply line with her, disappeared into the urban jungle with a simple note containing an apologetic explanation and a veiled threat. This, naturally, meant the strategy would have to... Read More
"Alone in His Absence"
Initially, he was going to wait for the widow to leave. He preferred to pay his respects in solitude, alone in the presence of his friend, six feet beneath his shoes. She stayed, however, and didn't seem to want to leave. She wanted to stay with her husband forever, and until the pragmatic conclusion that her own life still needed to be... Read More
"Awaycoming"
His grip was confident, loose, and fingers gently caressed all the right curves. Curves so familiar, they could be seen with eyes closed and felt with hands numb. Her smell hadn't changed, years of caretaking ensured a scent arousing and deceptively young. It's said that aroma is best at triggering memory, and it's true. Years apart erased... Read More
"Halos"
Mrs. Taylor kept to herself. She was not an old woman. Early 50s at the time it happened, she might have looked 60 or so, but that's what happens when life gets too stressful or, in her case, too depressing. Of course, I didn't know that then. All I knew about her was that she had money and how her smile looked when she bothered to say... Read More
Honestly, I hadn't realized that I do this, but in realizing it I am rather intrigued. Perhaps you will be, too.
"But First, a Funeral"
He took a breath, straightened his uniform as well as he could. It didn't fit as well as he remembered. A little tighter around the waist, a little looser around the shoulders. But it was his. He had earned it. His friends had died wearing it. And he would put up with looking a little out-of-place in order to honor them... because who else was left to do... Read More
"The Tightrope"
It was when the plan was scrutinized that everything revealed itself to be fucked up beyond all recognition. The logistics were gone. The supplier, and the supply line with her, disappeared into the urban jungle with a simple note containing an apologetic explanation and a veiled threat. This, naturally, meant the strategy would have to... Read More
"Alone in His Absence"
Initially, he was going to wait for the widow to leave. He preferred to pay his respects in solitude, alone in the presence of his friend, six feet beneath his shoes. She stayed, however, and didn't seem to want to leave. She wanted to stay with her husband forever, and until the pragmatic conclusion that her own life still needed to be... Read More
"Awaycoming"
His grip was confident, loose, and fingers gently caressed all the right curves. Curves so familiar, they could be seen with eyes closed and felt with hands numb. Her smell hadn't changed, years of caretaking ensured a scent arousing and deceptively young. It's said that aroma is best at triggering memory, and it's true. Years apart erased... Read More
"Halos"
Mrs. Taylor kept to herself. She was not an old woman. Early 50s at the time it happened, she might have looked 60 or so, but that's what happens when life gets too stressful or, in her case, too depressing. Of course, I didn't know that then. All I knew about her was that she had money and how her smile looked when she bothered to say... Read More
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Irrewind, 20100605: Music
It's a bit strange that I don't write about music more often than I do. I hate to claim it, but I do happen to be a trained musician (piano and trumpet, believe it or not)... that I am not very good at either is beside the point. Strangely, I even took a psychological test that purportedly matches people to their ideal occupations and wound up with "music composer."
Anyway, I do happen to be writing a new piece concerning music, but as I've been technically "writing it" for months now, I have no idea when (or where) it will show up. But, I wanted to go back and revisit previous musical rants just for fun. Obviously, some are temporal and no longer have any real relevance (then again, little you'll find here does), others have been obviated by corporate mergers (XM and Sirius, anyone?), and one is even a poem that's probably enjoying it's umptieth time being reposted here. Whatever. Read if you like, don't if you don't.
"My Two Cents on American Idol"
However, thanks to an overzealous girlfriend, an equally overzealous sister, and an accidental run-in with Bucky and Paris, I've been forced to watch this year's competition... and, unfortunately, have become a bit addicted (not 24 or Lost addicted, but close enough). And so, I've decided to jot down what I think of a few of the contestants... Read More
"One-Hit Wonders, the Wave of the Future"
Before everyone starts jumping on me, I'm not claiming that all music is garbage... just a lot of it. A higher proportion of it than there used to be. Yes, we still have our superstars knocking out decent to great hits, we still have our "rookies of the year" blowing us away with startling debuts, and we still have our underground... Read More
"XM Radio: Saving Music One Genre at a Time"
It's true that regular FM stations tend to not play the best of tunes anymore. Top 40 all seems like crap, alt rock is becoming way too emo, and even emo is becoming way too emo. Heavy metal is in a sad state of affairs, with most of the new bands just trying to pretend that they're devil worshippers so the freaks come to their local Wal-Mart... Read More
"Musicians You Should Be Listening To, but Probably Aren't"
Oh, yes, believe it or not, there is great music that isn't permeating your Top 40 stations. In fact (well, in opinion), there is music far better than what you hear on your Top 40 stations. Top 40, as we all know, but may not admit, is full of crap that is so heavily market-oriented, pretty much everyone without an individual thought in their mind... Read More
"Piano"
a ballet of fingertips on floors of ebony and ivory
a canvas of eighty-eight colors
art and life confused by their own reflections... Read More
Anyway, I do happen to be writing a new piece concerning music, but as I've been technically "writing it" for months now, I have no idea when (or where) it will show up. But, I wanted to go back and revisit previous musical rants just for fun. Obviously, some are temporal and no longer have any real relevance (then again, little you'll find here does), others have been obviated by corporate mergers (XM and Sirius, anyone?), and one is even a poem that's probably enjoying it's umptieth time being reposted here. Whatever. Read if you like, don't if you don't.
"My Two Cents on American Idol"
However, thanks to an overzealous girlfriend, an equally overzealous sister, and an accidental run-in with Bucky and Paris, I've been forced to watch this year's competition... and, unfortunately, have become a bit addicted (not 24 or Lost addicted, but close enough). And so, I've decided to jot down what I think of a few of the contestants... Read More
"One-Hit Wonders, the Wave of the Future"
Before everyone starts jumping on me, I'm not claiming that all music is garbage... just a lot of it. A higher proportion of it than there used to be. Yes, we still have our superstars knocking out decent to great hits, we still have our "rookies of the year" blowing us away with startling debuts, and we still have our underground... Read More
"XM Radio: Saving Music One Genre at a Time"
It's true that regular FM stations tend to not play the best of tunes anymore. Top 40 all seems like crap, alt rock is becoming way too emo, and even emo is becoming way too emo. Heavy metal is in a sad state of affairs, with most of the new bands just trying to pretend that they're devil worshippers so the freaks come to their local Wal-Mart... Read More
"Musicians You Should Be Listening To, but Probably Aren't"
Oh, yes, believe it or not, there is great music that isn't permeating your Top 40 stations. In fact (well, in opinion), there is music far better than what you hear on your Top 40 stations. Top 40, as we all know, but may not admit, is full of crap that is so heavily market-oriented, pretty much everyone without an individual thought in their mind... Read More
"Piano"
a ballet of fingertips on floors of ebony and ivory
a canvas of eighty-eight colors
art and life confused by their own reflections... Read More
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Irrewind, 20100515: Language
I sometimes write about language (specifically English) because, well, I use it. Mostly I write about language because I have a covert desire to study linguistics (strange, though, that foreign language proficiency escapes me) and an overt desire to be a smartass (is smartass one word or two?) (hyphenated, perhaps?) (I bet you just love these rampant parentheticals). Yes, that is a warning not to take any of these seriously.
"Strange Afterthoughts of Language"
1) "I've caught a cold" - First of all, who catches a cold? It's not like my cold dug out under the backyard fence and I have to run him down with a milkbone and a leash. Or my partner and I held a stakeout at a house where a suspected cold might be selling drugs. The damn phrase should be... Read More
"Namely Neologisms"
Neologisms, for those who don't know, are "new words" created to, well, replace old words and phrases. For those who don't get it: neo = new; logo = word; hence, "neologisms," the "s" being an indicator for plural.
And, since I don't have anything better to do, here are eight neologisms that we should adopt into our... Read More
"The First Day of English Class"
The second thing I would do is make each and every student write a book report on a venerable British classic: Where's Spot? That's right, assholes... you'll be doing a book report on "see spot run." And the caveat? Simple sentences only. Subject. Verb. Object. That's it. Anybody who breaks that rule fails miserably... Read More
"He and She Presents: Xhe!"
One of English's great shortcomings, from a grammarian's perspective, is its absence of neutral-gender singular pronouns. While most are blissfully unaware that the use of "they" or "their" as a singular reference is entirely incorrect, such use remains a bane for those who are actually schooled in the tongue. It's not really a big deal... Read More
"A Thousand Words"
A picture is worth a thousand words, they say. They say a lot of things that are bullshit. What does a picture of bullshit say? Not much; it's just an image. Maybe it connotes what it smells like, but what does it do for someone who's never seen a cow? Nothing. It's just a brown blob melting its way into grass. It's possible that it's still worth a... Read More
"Strange Afterthoughts of Language"
1) "I've caught a cold" - First of all, who catches a cold? It's not like my cold dug out under the backyard fence and I have to run him down with a milkbone and a leash. Or my partner and I held a stakeout at a house where a suspected cold might be selling drugs. The damn phrase should be... Read More
"Namely Neologisms"
Neologisms, for those who don't know, are "new words" created to, well, replace old words and phrases. For those who don't get it: neo = new; logo = word; hence, "neologisms," the "s" being an indicator for plural.
And, since I don't have anything better to do, here are eight neologisms that we should adopt into our... Read More
"The First Day of English Class"
The second thing I would do is make each and every student write a book report on a venerable British classic: Where's Spot? That's right, assholes... you'll be doing a book report on "see spot run." And the caveat? Simple sentences only. Subject. Verb. Object. That's it. Anybody who breaks that rule fails miserably... Read More
"He and She Presents: Xhe!"
One of English's great shortcomings, from a grammarian's perspective, is its absence of neutral-gender singular pronouns. While most are blissfully unaware that the use of "they" or "their" as a singular reference is entirely incorrect, such use remains a bane for those who are actually schooled in the tongue. It's not really a big deal... Read More
"A Thousand Words"
A picture is worth a thousand words, they say. They say a lot of things that are bullshit. What does a picture of bullshit say? Not much; it's just an image. Maybe it connotes what it smells like, but what does it do for someone who's never seen a cow? Nothing. It's just a brown blob melting its way into grass. It's possible that it's still worth a... Read More
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Irrewind, 20100501: Metaphor II
When I started these Irrewind thingies, I led off with a group of writings I call "metaphoric prose." Sounds obvious, I realize that, but to me "metaphoric prose" just means a poem too lazy to be in a poem format. Thanks to some unexpected motivation last summer, I sort of went on a tear of the things and knocked quite a few of them out. Not my favorite style of writing, but I found them useful when writing other things, and I did enjoy them.
Anyway, here are more:
"The Strange Walk That is Memory Lane"
Nostalgia's a strange thing. Okay, maybe not, but it is a curious thing that so many find reaching into mail boxes on memory lane such an addicting sensation. Most of the time nothing is there but junk mail. Sometimes, however, letters completely forgotten are pulled out and delivered anew. Maybe it's a memory sent, maybe received... Read More
"Beauty; Fear: A Fairy Tale"
Fear in beauty. Beauty in fear. Opposite ends of a compass that only points in one direction. Shy in the face of a beautiful woman is the same as fear in the face of drowning. The more beautiful it is, the better to kill you with. The curious snake bearing poisoned apples, the avalanche of pure white sliding down a mountain, a smiling cat... Read More
"Memoir of a Forgotten Memory"
There's a friend lost somewhere. There always is. Someone or something that brought out childhood laughter, someone or something that was there to hold when the sky fell. A neighborhood crush, maybe a teddy bear. A random snippet of a show on television. A sad movie whose title was never known. Or, perhaps, the perfect angle... Read More
"Sine Nomine"
It's imagined many ways. To the left, to the right, straight ahead with eyes closed and the hope that nothing goes awry. So many thoughts into so few spans of time. A sensation longing to endure, betrayed by a lifetime seemingly unwilling to begin. In the dark, a mirror or a photograph, perhaps real or just of the mind's eye... Read More
"The Whale and the Albatross"
It's empty out here, but there's air to breathe closer to the surface. Silence is relative, the gentle breeze and the crest of wave so familiar they make no noticeable sound. Cloud and island are all that break the landscape of blue deserts. A setting sun and its reflection point the way home and to a much needed rest. Tomorrow, sunrise will... Read More
Anyway, here are more:
"The Strange Walk That is Memory Lane"
Nostalgia's a strange thing. Okay, maybe not, but it is a curious thing that so many find reaching into mail boxes on memory lane such an addicting sensation. Most of the time nothing is there but junk mail. Sometimes, however, letters completely forgotten are pulled out and delivered anew. Maybe it's a memory sent, maybe received... Read More
"Beauty; Fear: A Fairy Tale"
Fear in beauty. Beauty in fear. Opposite ends of a compass that only points in one direction. Shy in the face of a beautiful woman is the same as fear in the face of drowning. The more beautiful it is, the better to kill you with. The curious snake bearing poisoned apples, the avalanche of pure white sliding down a mountain, a smiling cat... Read More
"Memoir of a Forgotten Memory"
There's a friend lost somewhere. There always is. Someone or something that brought out childhood laughter, someone or something that was there to hold when the sky fell. A neighborhood crush, maybe a teddy bear. A random snippet of a show on television. A sad movie whose title was never known. Or, perhaps, the perfect angle... Read More
"Sine Nomine"
It's imagined many ways. To the left, to the right, straight ahead with eyes closed and the hope that nothing goes awry. So many thoughts into so few spans of time. A sensation longing to endure, betrayed by a lifetime seemingly unwilling to begin. In the dark, a mirror or a photograph, perhaps real or just of the mind's eye... Read More
"The Whale and the Albatross"
It's empty out here, but there's air to breathe closer to the surface. Silence is relative, the gentle breeze and the crest of wave so familiar they make no noticeable sound. Cloud and island are all that break the landscape of blue deserts. A setting sun and its reflection point the way home and to a much needed rest. Tomorrow, sunrise will... Read More
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Irrewind, 20100417: Battlestar Galactica
Some of you are aware of the recent remake of Battlestar Galactica that aired on the SciFi channel (now ridiculously labeled "Syfy"). Some of you are not. When it began, I was a huge fan. I even still claim that the first season of the show is one of the shining examples of science fiction found on television... ever. But I also claim that the show quickly devolved into garbage, perpetuated largely by the thoroughly unhelpful "fanboy syndrome" (which also includes fangirls... I'm not entirely sexist, you know) of which the two showrunners completely fell for.
Many of you probably don't care, but I used to write about (well, complain about) the series quite often. I made several criticisms and several predictions that eventually proved to be misguided and incorrect, but made just as many that proved to be on-track and totally right. What's this mean? Nothing, really, except that I'm sometimes right and sometimes wrong, just like everyone else.
Anyway, since my brain is not allowing me to think of a better Irrewind topic, here you go:
"Battlestar Galactica, Season 3: A Bad Start"
The error of this, quite obviously, lies in characterization. Suddenly, because we are expected to acknowledge that 16 months of change just occured, characters are acting what seems to be "out of character." Starbuck, in what was the single most stupid subplot of the premiere, is now acting like a mother to her supposed half-Cylon child. Lee... Read More
"Battlestar Galactica: Returning to Form? Or Saying Goodbye?"
I'm a science fiction geek; most of you know that. And, as such, I happen to really like the SciFi network television series Battlestar Galactica. Generally, it is not only the best science fiction series on the small screen, it is also one of the best drama series on the small screen. Yes, it belongs in the same sentence as House, CSI, Law & Order... Read More
"Battlestar What-the-Heck-tica"
At the end of the second season of Battlestar Galactica, the writers of the show decided to leave us with a bad taste in our mouths by jumping "one year later" and robbing us of much plot and character development. Not a mistake those same writers would let go quietly, they decided to one-up themselves and leave us with a bad taste in our... Read More
"Battlestar Galactica: From Great to Lazy"
Where's my proof? Well, just take a look at the silly "Final Five" Cylon concept. Initially, we were led to believe that there were 12 "human" Cylons, infiltrated in the RTF and causing all sorts of problems. Eventually, only 7 of those Cylons were revealed, leaving us wondering who the last 5 were. But, instead of drawing it out, keeping us guessing... Read More
"Battlestar Galactica: Ultimately Pointless"
If you're even half of a science fiction fan, you know by now that the "re-imagined" version of Battlestar Galactica aired its series finale last Friday. In it, the fugitive Colonials finally defeated the mean Cylons (with the help of some friendly Cylons) and settled on Earth. Our Earth, mind you; not the one they were looking for, which was a... Read More
Many of you probably don't care, but I used to write about (well, complain about) the series quite often. I made several criticisms and several predictions that eventually proved to be misguided and incorrect, but made just as many that proved to be on-track and totally right. What's this mean? Nothing, really, except that I'm sometimes right and sometimes wrong, just like everyone else.
Anyway, since my brain is not allowing me to think of a better Irrewind topic, here you go:
"Battlestar Galactica, Season 3: A Bad Start"
The error of this, quite obviously, lies in characterization. Suddenly, because we are expected to acknowledge that 16 months of change just occured, characters are acting what seems to be "out of character." Starbuck, in what was the single most stupid subplot of the premiere, is now acting like a mother to her supposed half-Cylon child. Lee... Read More
"Battlestar Galactica: Returning to Form? Or Saying Goodbye?"
I'm a science fiction geek; most of you know that. And, as such, I happen to really like the SciFi network television series Battlestar Galactica. Generally, it is not only the best science fiction series on the small screen, it is also one of the best drama series on the small screen. Yes, it belongs in the same sentence as House, CSI, Law & Order... Read More
"Battlestar What-the-Heck-tica"
At the end of the second season of Battlestar Galactica, the writers of the show decided to leave us with a bad taste in our mouths by jumping "one year later" and robbing us of much plot and character development. Not a mistake those same writers would let go quietly, they decided to one-up themselves and leave us with a bad taste in our... Read More
"Battlestar Galactica: From Great to Lazy"
Where's my proof? Well, just take a look at the silly "Final Five" Cylon concept. Initially, we were led to believe that there were 12 "human" Cylons, infiltrated in the RTF and causing all sorts of problems. Eventually, only 7 of those Cylons were revealed, leaving us wondering who the last 5 were. But, instead of drawing it out, keeping us guessing... Read More
"Battlestar Galactica: Ultimately Pointless"
If you're even half of a science fiction fan, you know by now that the "re-imagined" version of Battlestar Galactica aired its series finale last Friday. In it, the fugitive Colonials finally defeated the mean Cylons (with the help of some friendly Cylons) and settled on Earth. Our Earth, mind you; not the one they were looking for, which was a... Read More
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Irrewind, 20100403: Pets
I'm an animal lover. I daresay I like animals more than I like humans (yes, I know humans are animals, but I'm being colloquial). Over the course of my childhood my mother had a whole slew of birds (several dozen, if I recall) and I had three dogs, some mealworms, and I vaguely recall a fish (or two... but don't quote me on that second one). After high school I joined the Army and pets were largely absent from my life, save a meager attempt to adopt a stray cat with a roommate of mine back in the late 90s. Since I've been out, though, I've had a ton of animals. Like... almost literally. So I guess it makes sense that I write about them from time to time.
"A Sleepless Night"
On Wednesday, May 24, 2006, I took my dogs for a walk in a wide-open field. Not quite the middle-of-nowhere, but a good couple of miles from the nearest house and the nearest highway. In fact, other than a small livestock farm, a gravel quarry, and a water tower, there's nothing but acres upon acres of playground (for a four-legged... Read More
"Sympathy for a Field Mouse"
I love cats. There was a time when I didn't really care for them, but now I love the damn things. I love them so much, I have six. Sure, two of them haven't come home in a few weeks, but that still leaves me with four, and that's still a lot of cats. They're great, have distinct individual personalities, and they're all named after King Arthur... Read More
"The Irony of Cats and My Life"
I received the first of those nine cats while I was living in Fayetteville, NC, in 2003, I think, from my girlfriend at the time. She had caught Lancelot in her old neighborhood and brought him to me. He was a doll, I must say... big eyes, scared shitless of my dog, Jax, and loved to attack my toes and my eyelids while I slept (the latter of which is... Read More
"Jasper, Part I"
As I watched one at around 11:30 PM, I really didn't know how to react. I worried, I wanted to panic, but I stayed calm. I watched as he tried to fold and swallow his tongue. I watched as he realized that something was wrong. I watched as he went into a panic, running around wherever there was room. I watched as his adopted brother, as... Read More
"Priorities"
Now, my cats adore me. I'm not exactly sure why, as I don't treat them any better than my dogs, but these two cats adore me. They follow me around like begging dogs, watch TV with me, sleep with me, and fight over which one gets to sit in my lap. I haven't been a cat person for very long, relatively speaking, so forgive me if this all comes... Read More
"A Sleepless Night"
On Wednesday, May 24, 2006, I took my dogs for a walk in a wide-open field. Not quite the middle-of-nowhere, but a good couple of miles from the nearest house and the nearest highway. In fact, other than a small livestock farm, a gravel quarry, and a water tower, there's nothing but acres upon acres of playground (for a four-legged... Read More
"Sympathy for a Field Mouse"
I love cats. There was a time when I didn't really care for them, but now I love the damn things. I love them so much, I have six. Sure, two of them haven't come home in a few weeks, but that still leaves me with four, and that's still a lot of cats. They're great, have distinct individual personalities, and they're all named after King Arthur... Read More
"The Irony of Cats and My Life"
I received the first of those nine cats while I was living in Fayetteville, NC, in 2003, I think, from my girlfriend at the time. She had caught Lancelot in her old neighborhood and brought him to me. He was a doll, I must say... big eyes, scared shitless of my dog, Jax, and loved to attack my toes and my eyelids while I slept (the latter of which is... Read More
"Jasper, Part I"
As I watched one at around 11:30 PM, I really didn't know how to react. I worried, I wanted to panic, but I stayed calm. I watched as he tried to fold and swallow his tongue. I watched as he realized that something was wrong. I watched as he went into a panic, running around wherever there was room. I watched as his adopted brother, as... Read More
"Priorities"
Now, my cats adore me. I'm not exactly sure why, as I don't treat them any better than my dogs, but these two cats adore me. They follow me around like begging dogs, watch TV with me, sleep with me, and fight over which one gets to sit in my lap. I haven't been a cat person for very long, relatively speaking, so forgive me if this all comes... Read More
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Irrewind, 20100320: DC Comics
I haven't written about comic books in a long time, but I assure you that I am a comic book nut. Marvel, Image, Dark Horse... Hell, even Archie... I love my stapled pages of silly little drawings and bad dialog. That stated, out of all the established "comic book universes" out there, my favorite (by faaaaaar) is the DC Universe (DCU, for those in the know).
I suppose I haven't written about them frequently because I haven't been reading them as of late, but I aim to rectify that. In any case, if you're a DCU fan like I am, check out these old pieces I've written:
"DC Comics Returns... or Relapses - Part 1"
DC Comics, for a long time, has been infamous for its failure to keep continuity clear and not confusing, and equally infamous for its money-making yet ultimately futile attempts at "cleansing" continuity. Once upon a time, DC Comics was (supposedly) totally and completely consumed with telling a good story, continuity be damned. The... Read More
"DC Comics Returns... or Relapses - Part 2"
See, in an attempt to diversify the DC Universe, the editors at DC decided that more minority superheroes were needed. Now, I'm not just talking about race, I'm talking about gender and sexual preference, too. While it's hard to disagree with the fact that true-to-life demographics aren't accurately represented in most comic books, it's easy... Read More
"DC Comics Returns... or Relapses - The End"
Has anybody noticed a pattern? If not, let me spell it out for your limited mental capacities... character switches and dramatic changes almost always seem to happen at around the same time and almost always subsequently never work. You see, DC gets these itches to "update" and "modernize" their characters quite frequently. The... Read More
"Why DC Should Revive Adventure Comics"
There are several ways to solve this, the most obvious of which is to grant these characters the A-list writer and illustrators they deserve, but as the talent pool isn't as large as comic fans would like, it is unlikely that DC would sacrifice Batman or Superman for the likes of Green Arrow or Aquaman. They could, however, simply release a ton... Read More
"Justice League Unlimited: A Review and a Prayer"
Which brings me to the glorious standard of animated superheroes: the DC animated universe (DCAU). In it, we were given the absolutely phenomenal Batman: The Animated Series, the consistent Superman: The Animated Series, a couple of still-good but more obscure cartoons (such as Static Shock), and the pinnacle of superhero... Read More
I suppose I haven't written about them frequently because I haven't been reading them as of late, but I aim to rectify that. In any case, if you're a DCU fan like I am, check out these old pieces I've written:
"DC Comics Returns... or Relapses - Part 1"
DC Comics, for a long time, has been infamous for its failure to keep continuity clear and not confusing, and equally infamous for its money-making yet ultimately futile attempts at "cleansing" continuity. Once upon a time, DC Comics was (supposedly) totally and completely consumed with telling a good story, continuity be damned. The... Read More
"DC Comics Returns... or Relapses - Part 2"
See, in an attempt to diversify the DC Universe, the editors at DC decided that more minority superheroes were needed. Now, I'm not just talking about race, I'm talking about gender and sexual preference, too. While it's hard to disagree with the fact that true-to-life demographics aren't accurately represented in most comic books, it's easy... Read More
"DC Comics Returns... or Relapses - The End"
Has anybody noticed a pattern? If not, let me spell it out for your limited mental capacities... character switches and dramatic changes almost always seem to happen at around the same time and almost always subsequently never work. You see, DC gets these itches to "update" and "modernize" their characters quite frequently. The... Read More
"Why DC Should Revive Adventure Comics"
There are several ways to solve this, the most obvious of which is to grant these characters the A-list writer and illustrators they deserve, but as the talent pool isn't as large as comic fans would like, it is unlikely that DC would sacrifice Batman or Superman for the likes of Green Arrow or Aquaman. They could, however, simply release a ton... Read More
"Justice League Unlimited: A Review and a Prayer"
Which brings me to the glorious standard of animated superheroes: the DC animated universe (DCAU). In it, we were given the absolutely phenomenal Batman: The Animated Series, the consistent Superman: The Animated Series, a couple of still-good but more obscure cartoons (such as Static Shock), and the pinnacle of superhero... Read More
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Irrewind, 20100306: The Military
I am fascinated by warfare and armies in general, so it is natural for me to write about such things. And I do. Suffice it to say, I am quite opinionated about a great many things military.
Some of these were written a while ago, and one or two were probably written as knee-jerk reactions to current events of the time and probably aren't accurate anyway (I'm working on eliminating such reactions), so there may be changes to some of my opinions that I have yet to address.
But, if you're interested, here you are:
"The Army Corps of... Marines?"
A few years ago, a Pentagon brain decided to analyze the current makeup of the US Armed Forces. His name was David Dyche and his conclusions in 1990 showed that, not only was the military wasting money on what everyone already knew that the military was wasting money on, but that the military was wasting money simply by existing in its current model... Read More
"The United States Air Force: A Parasite Organization"
First point: simply analyze our air power in our various armed forces. The Army has the largest "air presence" of any service. The Navy has their own air superiority, airlift, and strike capabilities. The Marine Corps has their own airlift, strike, and close air-support capabilities. The Air Force has all of that, plus strategic air. All this means that the people of... Read More
"An Army of More Than One"
Everyone who has been in the military knows of the utter chaos involved in running a unit, much less a full-scale operation. Hell, most people who haven't been in the military have heard the stories, as well. There's even a popular saying attributed to several foreign generals (none of whom probably actually said it): "War is chaos. The reason the Americans... Read More
"Military Development: The Lost Art"
The procurement and development budget Department of Defense is under fire; this is no secret. The incoming administration wants to increase that amount of fire; this is also no secret. Experts are expecting several projects, such as the F-22, the Army's Future Combat Systems (FCS), and most of the Navy's new surface combatant programs to be cut... Read More
"Mountain Warfare: An American Oversight"
As a superpower with global reach and concerns, our military is trained, equipped, and prepared to go anywhere anytime the need arises. Almost. While we are no doubt prepared for desert-based conflicts and have increased our urban warfare capabilities exponentially since the 1990s, we lack a particular capability that is particularly important today, given our... Read More
Some of these were written a while ago, and one or two were probably written as knee-jerk reactions to current events of the time and probably aren't accurate anyway (I'm working on eliminating such reactions), so there may be changes to some of my opinions that I have yet to address.
But, if you're interested, here you are:
"The Army Corps of... Marines?"
A few years ago, a Pentagon brain decided to analyze the current makeup of the US Armed Forces. His name was David Dyche and his conclusions in 1990 showed that, not only was the military wasting money on what everyone already knew that the military was wasting money on, but that the military was wasting money simply by existing in its current model... Read More
"The United States Air Force: A Parasite Organization"
First point: simply analyze our air power in our various armed forces. The Army has the largest "air presence" of any service. The Navy has their own air superiority, airlift, and strike capabilities. The Marine Corps has their own airlift, strike, and close air-support capabilities. The Air Force has all of that, plus strategic air. All this means that the people of... Read More
"An Army of More Than One"
Everyone who has been in the military knows of the utter chaos involved in running a unit, much less a full-scale operation. Hell, most people who haven't been in the military have heard the stories, as well. There's even a popular saying attributed to several foreign generals (none of whom probably actually said it): "War is chaos. The reason the Americans... Read More
"Military Development: The Lost Art"
The procurement and development budget Department of Defense is under fire; this is no secret. The incoming administration wants to increase that amount of fire; this is also no secret. Experts are expecting several projects, such as the F-22, the Army's Future Combat Systems (FCS), and most of the Navy's new surface combatant programs to be cut... Read More
"Mountain Warfare: An American Oversight"
As a superpower with global reach and concerns, our military is trained, equipped, and prepared to go anywhere anytime the need arises. Almost. While we are no doubt prepared for desert-based conflicts and have increased our urban warfare capabilities exponentially since the 1990s, we lack a particular capability that is particularly important today, given our... Read More
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
