Welcoming Predictions

Things I'm likely to be called within the next few days: dick, chook, sugar, dick, darling, honey, dick, funny boy, impudent pup, dick.

Things I'm predicting will be said in conversation within the next few days:

• "You're whingeing." "No, you're whingeing." 
• "How do you keep falling out of your chair?" "Fuck if I know." 
• "Shit. I'm out of Chardy." "Sucks for you. I've got plenty of Merlot. Nyer."
• "Your Pandora is too loud." "You're just jealous." 
• "Why are you being a deek?" "You know how they say there's no such thing as a stupid question?  It's not true."
• "Your cat just opened your cabinet again." "Yeah, it's kind of his thing."
• "I'm not that drunk. Why?" "Your face is smashed up against the camera."
• "No, didn't get slapped. All I saw were lazy gypsies." "You were probably being polite. Be yourself next time."
• "I am not racist." "Make some fucking beads!"
• "How ya going?" "G'day, g'day, g'day."
• "Your accent sucks." "Make some fucking beads!"
• "I did tell you she farts like a trooper, right?" "Just adds to the charm."
• "It's just a big rock." "So's your whole country."
• "Don't corrupt my boy." "His mother beat me to it."
• "No, I didn't get you anything. You owe me money, deek." "No beads for you, then." 
• "Yes, I'm sore, and I don't want to hear about how I had a year to prepare." "You had a year to prepare."
• "You're whingeing." "Yeah? So?"

Welcome home.