You've been there. That place that doesn't want to keep you around, but doesn't want to let you go. Options are formulated, decisions are made, then reality sets in. Nothing you've thought of is going to work. Of course, nothing you've not thought of is going to work, either. So you just wait and see.
Hopefully the future is bright and your eyes are open. Not too bright, though, because then you'll have to squint when you try to see off into the distance. That's when the mirages show up... that nasty heat signature that makes you think there's a watering hole up ahead, when it's actually just more desert. Mirages are a good thing to follow, however, when you think about it. They do have a tendency to keep you moving. Is false hope better than no hope? Not sure that question gets answered until after you die. And even then you probably won't understand the explanation.
Perhaps the future is dark and you can't see anyway. Eyes closed, eyes open, it's all the same in the absence of light. One method just happens to protect you from dust. Goggles probably would, too, but they're uncomfortable and leave silly tan lines, not that tan lines are something you should be worrying about in such a situation. But you will. Humanity has long descended into superficial esteem. There you are, dying of hunger and thirst, and all you care about is a fucking tan line. Does a dead body tan? Or does it just bake? I'm sure the coyotes prefer it when it bakes.
Stagnant, but not stuck. Blind, but not blind. Certain that a change should be made, but uncertain what change that is. People pull you in different directions, including where you currently are and where you just left. If you're lucky, there's someone or something pulling you where you want to go. And, if you're the luckiest, where you want to go is where you need to be. There's no way to know unless you go there.
Leave it to luck. Fate is nothing more than a romantic notion. Play the dart board again, only this time keep your eyes closed. Triple 12. What's it mean? You don't know, and there's no fucking way you should know, so you make up a reason.
Hit the road. The sun's bound to come up at some point. Just don't let it burn your eyes.
10 comments:
God that first paragraph is where I am NOW. I dunno false hope springs eternal in my life so I'm hoping it's better than no hope. You been hitting the Pinot again? And Jeff I hope someone is pulling you where you want to go and that California is where you need to be . . .but remember, the journey is as important as the destination. Future's so bright . . .you'll need to wear shades. (Am I first? Wow! Pressure!)
Sounds like you're about to hit the road. For some reason your post brings to mind a quote from Dylan Thomas: "When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes".
Stay warm ...
Shot in the blinding desert sunlight
walk on...walk on...
Yikes. Having a bad day? You know what they say. Life is what happens when you are making other plans.
"A Horse With No Name" was playing in my head as I read this.
It may not be fate, but it's definitely not luck. It's our own intentions that deliver us.
No one ever knows how they're going to get where they need to be. I've often heard this analogy: Think of driving in the dark. We can only see as far as our headlights shine. But we get to our final destination that way. The whole way, a couple of feet at the time.
This made me laugh:
"...There you are, dying of hunger and thirst, and all you care about is a fucking tan line."
Happy travels, Jeff.
P.S. This is where I was at in January. Tried to explain it once without success.
"Certain that a change should be made, but uncertain what change that is. People pull you in different directions, including where you currently are and where you just left. If you're lucky, there's someone or something pulling you where you want to go"
"There's no way to know unless you go there."
If only I could make myself go there!
I'm not happy with your two pieces so far... Maybe #3 will be better...
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