Motorcycle Incentives

As someone who splits his time driving through open territory and overcrowded cities, I often find myself complaining about congestion. I know, I know... EVERYONE in overcrowded cities complains about traffic, but they're in the unique position of being forced to deal with it and, as such, are victims of a certain level of "institutionalization" to bad traffic. I, on the hand, usually only drive through shitty traffic when I feel like it. Since I love Los Angeles and San Diego, I usually feel like it quite often, but...

TRAFFIC SUCKS!!!

So one day on the I-405, and everybody goes through this, I notice a couple of motorcycles weaving their way through traffic, doing at least 35 MPH while everyone else was stagnating at 15 or less (in California, motorcycles are still allowed to drive between lanes and between cars). And it occurred to me, why doesn't the government offer mondo incentives for people to drive motorcycles all of the time?

Think about it. Four motorcycles can fit in the amount of roadway that a single normal-sized car requires. Should everyone drive a motorcycle, it would theoretically increase the amount of available road by a multiple of four. An eight-lane freeway would suddenly become a 32-lane freeway. A 50-space parking garage would suddenly become a 200-space parking garage.

And, shit, everyone would use less gasoline. Whats the average for motorcycles these days? 40 MPG? 50?

Now, before you think you're clever because you're figuring out why this won't work, let me beat your ignorant ass to the punch. There are, quite obviously, several issues with this idea. Let's go through some of them one at a time...

1) People are still going to need their station wagons, their trucks, their sedans, their vans, etc. Duh. I know this, everyone knows this. Moms have to take their children to school. Neighbors have to help other neighbors pick up large furniture. Smugglers still have to hide a dozen illegal aliens in the back of their beat-up 70s Chevy van with a Led Zeppelin tape stuck in the cassette player. A motorcycle can not possibly replace larger vehicles 100%. But... all of those people who are simply driving to work? Or simply driving themselves to college classes? Or a movie? Or even a date? Shit... drive a damn motorcycle.

2) The weather doesn't always allow for motorcycles. Really? I thought precipitation and wind were just figments of my imagination. Wow... you are SO smart for figuring that out. Yes... cities like Chicago, Denver, New York, will have HUGE problems instituting a seasonal motorcycle schedule. In fact, I'm not even suggesting that they even try. However, cities like Los Angeles, Anaheim, Las Vegas, San Diego? Their weather is riding weather damn near every day. There's no reason they shouldn't do it.

3) Not everyone can ride a motorcycle. Hello??? This is an "incentive" program. Free lessons for people who buy motorcycles. Duh. We certainly don't want any more Roethlisberger incidents.

And there you have it. There are other benefits, as well. My rare idyllic side has visions of people actually conversing while stopped at traffic lights because, well, you're only a foot from the guy next to you. Who knows? Maybe motorcycles will help add to the human element of a big city.

On second thought...